Why are some treated so kindly and others so badly in the JW world?

by life is to short 11 Replies latest jw friends

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  life is to short

  OK I am still in good standing in the JW world for whatever reason I still do not understand. I get shunned and then I get love bombed by others? It is all very confusing.

  OK so I was talking to this sister a couple of days ago and I have known her forever she is a very nice person. She would help others even none JW's she is just a good kind human being. I truly like her but she is also very cult minded. Her husband is not a JW and has put up with the JW's for most of his life as she became one when they were first married. They are in their late 60's.

  OK so now her youngest daughter is going through huge problems, she just had two babies and her husband has a really bad kind of cancer. They live about 300 miles away from the mom but the congregation where they live has stepped up to the plate and is bring them dinners and giving them money etc. It is really great. Now the father is even talking about the fact that this may be the truth the true religion because of the love that is being shown his daughter.

  I wanted to cry when she was telling me how wonderful it is to be part of Jehovah's wonderful love. My husband an elder at the time for 28 years had a heart attack and nothing no one was there for me. No phone calls, no one came up to the hospital nothing. No meals. The PO's wife when I called said 'what do you want from me I have to go out in service'. The Chaplin was appalled at the fact that I was so by myself. I never felt more alone in my life. Everyone who knew I was a JW was like where are you church members? There was another family there and the wife said she had never seen any one look as down as I did and she was going through the same thing I was but she had family and friends.

  I do not understand why the difference. I aways tried so hard to do everything that the JW's wanted. I pioneered, went to Bethel, married an elder, gave up my marriage so he could be with others. We gave up so much time that should have been spent making our marriage work and the CO demanded it of me. I remember being newly married and telling the CO how I needed time with my husband and he told me to wait until the new system for that.

  Yet this couple they are in their 30's do not do anything they hardly make meetings yet they are treated to kindly. Why? I am truly glad for them, it is horrible what they are going through. It breaks my heart the husband may not live and she is going to be a young mom with three children under fours years of age.

  But why do some get treated so good and other so horribly? I do not mean to brag about what I have done, I just wish I had lived my life different. I just was so taken in by this being the "truth" and to give my youth to the brog and I have nothing. I believed it with my heart of hearts and I gave my life to it and I have nothing. Now this father who is in his late 60's is thinking of joining this cult after all these years. Frustrating.

  LITS

  As a PS this family also has had family members that have been treated very badly but they were doing wrong too so the father is confused I guess.
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  life is to short

  I meant to say this couple hardly made meetings before all of this happened. I remember the CO saying he did not think much of this couple because the husband would not reach out. Yet now they are getting so much help. It is sad also because their kids will be raised in this cult. They will never see it for what it is. I mean really the CO did not like him, the husband never knew that. It all so sad how they miss up lives. Now three more children.
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  WingCommander

  It's simple: There are abusers and victims in Cults.

  Also, from what you described, here is my take:

  1.) The congregation that is helping the youngest daughter is RARE.

  2.) Since the young couple is fairly new and/or inactive, the fake show of love/concern may just be to get them back into the cult and active again. Once they start showing up more, they'll be dropped like a hot potato.

  3.) Your husband was an Elder? The other Elder's probably didn't like him over some small grievance and didn't give a shit about his heart attack. By association, their asshole Elder wives didn't care for you either. Proof? They didn't bother to give 2 shits to help you. Fend for yourself, woman!!!

  Can't you just feel the Christ-Like love oozing from these clowns?

  - Wing Commander
• 

  palmtree67

  I always wondered about this, too. It seems like there is no consistency.

  I remember a sister who barely came to meetings, when her wordly dad died, the congregation sent flowers to her. Shortly after that, we had 3 wordly close family members die within a very short period of time. Not one person even said they were sorry for our losses.
• 

  life is to short

  Thanks Wing Commander I think you are right they want to get this young couple back into the religion. My husband did piss off many elders and I never fit into the elders wives gossiping groups. I hated them and was never invited to join them. I was always an outsider even at Bethel.

  I also posted about the granddaughter and how they shun her. Her father was the son of a very well known elder who was horrible and this granddaughter was raised with drugs and bad conduct from her parents though they were in the "truth". The poor girl grew up with nothing and no one in the "truth" helped her thus she found a worldly boyfriend who treated her with kindness or so she thought. But I will not shun her, I feel so sorry for her it breaks my heart to hear her family talk bad about her. This is a sick religion.
• 

  MMXIV

  LITS,

  WingCommander is not wrong.

  I've also observed fluctuating kindness by the same people depending how they are feeling. They go through phases of great shows of kindness and then withdraw into moods of fire and brimstone.

  MMXIV
• 

  aSphereisnotaCircle

  It depends on who you are, and/or who you know.

  A new, young, attractive, rich couple came into our hall, they were the studies of one of the elders. he had some kind of minor set back, it was annouced from the stage and their was a huge out puoring of love and care for them.

  The same week another couple in our hall with several small children, had another child that had serious complications at birth and it was real touch and go wether he would survive or not. Dad was not an elder or MS, he was a very active father instead.

  There was no announcement from the stage, and no outpouring of aid and support for them, the congo hardly noticed. I tried to get a few of the sisters together to prepare meals for this family, but was turned down by every sister I asked, including every elders wife in our hall. I was stunned.

  I also witnessed, countless times, some sisters receiving multiple wedding showers and baby showers, while other sisters were completely ignored, when they married or gave birth.

  An elderly sister in our hall got cancer, she had a long drawn out battle. Again I tried to organize a few sisters to provide meals and house cleaning, every sister I asked refused. I went to this sisters home many times, bringing meals, house cleaning, I never once saw another JW assisting them. It was heartbreaking.

  All these incidents were eye openers for me.
• 

  bobld

  Just goes to show how two faced Jehovah's Witnesses are.Man speak with forked tongue.

  B
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  serenitynow!

  There are good and bad people everywhere- in every vhurch or organization. I can not honestly say that I was treated badly by JWs all the time. I have known JWs who are great people, and have been a great help to me and my family.
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  flipper

  LIFE IS TOO SHORT- I think Wing Commander hit on a very important point - there usually is an ulterior motive for witnesses rallying around to help people like this lady & her husband with cancer. In this case - I'm sure people involved with this have heard how IMPRESSED her father is with all the attention and how he said " it may be the truth or true religion because of the " love " being shown " - so some involved are looking at using the situation to try to make a good impression on her father and see him as a potential convert or Bible study. Wing Commander is right- once he's studied with, baptized & indoctrinated the " love bombing " goes away.

  And something else I realised - when I used to go to meetings - witnesses would put their best foot forward when in front of unbelieving mates of a sister or brother because everything is about appearance or outward impression . Especially in front of non-believers - witnesses tend to be on their best behavior - but once it's back to the kingdom hall dealing with just the elders wives or witnesses you see all the time - people drop the act and get bitchy again. Just my 2 cents from what I noticed when I was a witness.

  Serenity Now is correct- there are good & bad people everywhere - but I'll go one step further and say there are more AUTHENTICALLY good people outside the witnesses who are being kind for no reason at all other than it's the humanly civil, humane thing to do. Many who show kindness in the witnesses do it because they are pushing or marketing functions in the congregation like field service, meeting attendance, answering at meetings, etc. It's NOT authentic caring just for caring's sake - ulterior motives usually involved. Just what I noticed. I'm sorry you & your husband were treated so disrespectfully