Looking back I Missed out on a lot

by lil.lady.03 21 Replies latest jw experiences

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  lil.lady.03

  so I'm thinking back to all the things I ever wanted to do when I was little

  and could not do because, anything I wanted to do was bad association or just bad.

  When I was 4, I wanted to do gymnastics.

  "No. You get pulled into nationalism and develop a competive spirit."

  When I was about 10 I wanted to go to a summer camp. "Over night stays with worldy people. No." (well we couldn't afford $$ it anyway)

  What did I do that summer? Summer school and long service days with my grandmother.

  Never went to disneyland. Too magical. LOL.

  In high school I did play sports like softball and basketball. I never got any too much flack from the elders or nobody, since we were hardly noticed in the hall, but that didn't matter. I had a huge guilt trip all on my own. I stopped because I was too good and coachs were really pressing in on me. I couldn't take it. I liked drama. Drama really helped come out of my shy self. I was in a musical production but again it was too draining fighting with my mom and friends on how I was putting myself in a bad environment, especially with all the homosexuality .

  I was really an awkward kid in school. Super shy and very anxious. I had some worldly friends but for the most part kept to myself. They kinda knew I wsa a witness. Always asked why i was so wierd about b-days and holidays.

  I didn't hang out with other JW kids. They were living double lives anyway and would act like they didn't knew me. I remember telling my mom, I don't have any friends at school . She would say "YES you do, the other kids in the hall. besides you don't need worldy assocaites. They'll only mislead you. Hang out with the other witness kids" NO WAY!! not only were they in upper grades, they were all boys with the hot girlfriends. and I was some dorky lookin girl. Horrible for their reps.

  I remember feeeling really conflicted at school. Like I wanted to enjoy my creative side and the activities provided but I felt guilty for really wanting to do worldly things and not service. needless to say I didn't stick to anything and teachers said I seemed so indecisive.

  Yup!

  Indecisive.

  I just feel like I missed out on a lot of oppertunities. All in which were not bad or involved drugs, sex, and booze. I wish I wasn't so shy, scared, and easily manipulated as I was back in.

  A lot of JW kids got their double life stuff out of thier system in their teens. Rebelled and then reformed I guess. I'm in my early twenties and just now getting started. But I don't want reform. I want to feel guilt free or just free. which ever comes first.
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  littlebird

  Sorry you went through that roller coaster. I put my kids through it. My youngest just wanted to be in track...............but no, bad association, might miss meetings, etc. But now we see Venus & Serena Williams playing tennis. My kids forgive me, but i wish I hadnt raised them in that cult.

  On the bright side, you're not dead yet. Explore your artistic side, join some classes or clubs, live life!
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  lil.lady.03

  yes. I am. There have always been some classes offered at community centers that I wanted to take, but of course they would always fall on meeting night.

  *gosh darn it*

  I'm going to take some now. Like sewing or a painting class. Even if that sounds like something a hooky Jdub would do anyway. Lol
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  WTWizard

  Now might be time to start missing out on other things--like going to meetings, doing field circus, and a$$emblies. Go take those classes and work toward getting a decent job. The witlesses' "emergency" will still be around 80 years from now, and you don't want to reach that age when you are unable to really accomplish much and you have wasted all your time at boasting sessions and in field circus.
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  NiceDream

  I feel for you lil.lady! I felt the same way growing up. One of my regrets is not finishing college...I was too indecisive to figure out what I wanted to do. Instead I got married at 19 to get out of my parent's house.
  
  Taking a class sounds like fun, and you can express your creativity too.
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  lil.lady.03

  I never understood all that time time time. the time it took to get ready. time at the meetings. Like if you had a sunday meeting at 4pm, you couldn't do anything. You had to wait all day for the meeting. Then once it was over. Better get ready to go back to work the next day.

  And the field service report slips. nevver understood that. so much time. Why??

  I know I need a time machine.
• 

  Night Owl

  lil.lady, you have a PM.

  Night Owl
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  darth frosty

  Yeah to this day I curse that blue brochure 'school and jehovah's witness' That brochure did more harm to kids than crack cocaine. You may enjoy this podcast it talks further on the subject.

  http://www.blogtalkradio.com/nofog/2010/08/19/how-religious-beliefs-affect-families
  
  This episode focuses on the challenges children face when they are forced to live under religious scrutiny and forbidden to celebrate birthdays and holidays; are discouraged from participating in extracurricular activities, going to college, and setting goals, developing and accomplishing their dreams outside the scope of the Jehovah’s Witness core teachings. We offer personal experiences on how we overcame many obstacles as we learned to trust and interact with non-Jehovah’s Witnesses after leaving the organization. Listen to several re-enactments on how Jehovah’s Witnesses speak to educators explaining their religious beliefs and which activities their children cannot participate in. And listen in on how a Jehovah’s Witness elder provides assistance to a sister in the congregation that has an unbelieving mate. This episode originally aired on August 7, 2010 at 10:00 a.m.
• 

  gutted

  lil.lady I can sympathize. I was a shy, withdrawn boy who was very anxious and confliced at school as well. I was never really ambitious as far as extra activities, I just wanted to hang out and fit in but felt like such an outsider.

  As far as "missing out" I hear ya. I'm 26 and my main gripe is that I've never really had a gf, though I don't blame that exclusively on being a JW (I'm shy etc), I never felt "ready" by the socities standards and so didn't pursue dating for a long time. I hope to change that. Also I wish I went for a 4 year degree instead of a 2 year diploma, but at least I have some education past HS.

  Do your courses! I joined a rec sports league, and it's downright hilarious how the society paints these kinds of activities, when in reality it was a bunch of down to earth people playing a sport.

  I have to say though, whether we missed out or not, we're here now and we can take charge and do what we want :)
• 

  SixofNine

  I want to feel guilt free or just free. which ever comes first.

  You can't truly have the 2nd until you have the first. Fortunately for you lil.lady, guilt free living is fairly easy to attain once you decide to base your morals on solid logical premises instead of a book, a religion, or society's expectations.

  "Am I hurting anyone or myself?" is a question so much more important wrt being moral than "what does the bible say?".