Being A Borg Kid

by Pig 15 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Pig

  I never became a zelouse witness, but i do remember being a borg kid

  There was NO ONE my age at the meetings for most of my childhood. Except at one stage there was this half in half out family who had a fat annoying kid who never stopped boasting. And since i wasnt allowed to go to school camps and go to sleepovers I never was able to make friends in real life. I was always scared to make worldly friends because i would have to tell them why i cant come over, go to birthdays, ect... it's just easier to not have close friends and just walk in the shadows. To this day i havent made any close friends, like someone i can just ring and say "hey wanna go out"

  I remember the meetings were BORING!!! The elders seemed to resent having to give talks and would "um" and "ar" for endless hours. When i use to go to the toliets during the songs i would just stand in there swaying my head sometimes trying to feel something, like a lion in a cage. There's only so many things to draw on your note pad, there's only so long you can look at the pictures in the watch tower. I cant think of anything less natural for little boys to do.

  I remeber HATING suits. They are itchy and there's nothing worse than on a beautiful sunny day putting on an itchy suit and going BORING witnessing with dad for 2 hours and seeing other peoples kids have waterfights and actually do stuff. I wanted to play in mud and be rough but i had to walk at a slow pace with straight back and hand out stupid Jehovah mags.

  I remember wishing my life away. Thinking "I wish time would go faster" (what a disgusting thought for a little kids, or anyone) I remember the family awkwardly sitting around the table reading the whole watchtower chapter, it went on forever under my dads control. I would keep flicking to the last page to see how long to go. Then the bloody question box would take another 5mins. "CAN WE SKIP IT?? PLEASE??"

  I remember everything was about rules. "oh no we dont watch that show, oh no we dont celebrate that" It seemed that being a jehovah witness was about how many things i did wrong. The only value i had was how well i could be a jehovah witness. I didnt matter as a person, all that mattered was how jehovah witness i could be. And it seemed like everyone else was better at it than me. In my mind no one else was bored at the meetings and everyone loved witnessing. I felt like i had been thrown into some alien planet and didnt understand their customs

  anyway just thought i'd reflect on this (out loud)

  what do you guys remember?
• 

  TheClarinetist

  My experience was very similar, but we always had kids around my age in the congregation... Thing was, though, that my congregation was very cliquish. People were divided between those that had "money" and those that didn't. I'm not quite sure if it WAS a money issue, that's just what I remember. Either way, my family was always on the outside looking in. I was always desperately lonely, and the only time I was briefly able to branch out was during my freshman and sophomore years when I was in marching band.
• 

  WingCommander

  Hey, are you my lost twin-brother or something?

  I'd say your experience as a child echoes mine pretty closely. There were other kids in my congregation my age and around my age, but for some reason I was never "good enough" to be invited to anything or play with any of them. It only got worse as I entered my teenage years and they became even BIGGER assholes then they already were.

  The one thing I distinctly remember from growing up, and this was a comment echoed by my parents frequently, was the perception that no matter what, you were never good enough for anything. You weren't good enough, didn't do enough, weren't spiritual enough, etc, etc, etc. The boredom was sheer hell. I did the same thing as you, flipped to the back to see how many pages were left in the WT study. Suits didn't bother me, except during the DC's at in Veteran's Stadium in Philadelphia during the summer. That was pure torture that my parents only endured a few times and then never again. It was hell.

  The Jehovah's Witness religion is a "thou shalt not" religion built up around control and the suppression of anything upbuilding or fun, and limits all social interaction to the Kingdom Hall and suppresses any celebrations whatsoever. Doesn't matter that even the JEWS had Passover, Jubilee celebrations, harvest festivles, and other celebrations - JW's have NOTHING, I repeat, NOTHING to celebrate. But then again, they have nothing to celebrate about. What is there? False doctrine, false prophecies, false sense of The End, hell everything is a bummer with them. What a way to live!!!
  
  Congrats on your escape and welcome, we on here can truly relate.

  - Wing Commander
• 

  frigginconfused

  Yeah, my childhood was the same. Now Im an adult that cant form healthy relationships with people.
• 

  diana netherton

  My sentiments exactly, except I didn't have to wear suits. I just kept wearing shorter skirts. Scandal!

  I remember counting the days until I could turn 18 and leave. That is no way to experience

  a childhood. There were other kids in the congo but I never really had much interest. I think

  I was considered sort of a "bad association." That at least gave me something to smile about.

  It's unnatural and cruel for anyone to put their children throught the JW regime. I think a combination

  of inferior brain, quick wit, and a fierce determination to escape saved me. I wish I could save all

  the kids stuck in the borg now.
• 

  pr0ner

  I got the luck of the draw. I had worldly friends and lots of kids in the hall. We got to sit together and joke around. I am one of the few who actually look back fondly on my childhood. Sure there were the weird moments when my Mom would freak over a Weezer CD being demonic but my Dad always stepped in and curtailed the bizarre behavior.
• 

  Ding

  Some time ago, I saw a little boy (5 maybe) heading to a district assembly with his dad.

  The kid was dressed in a business suit and carry a book bag.

  He looked like a little clone of daddy.

  I felt terrible thinking about how the little tyke has no real childhood, just indoctrination in service to the borg.
• 

  goldensky

  It breaks my heart to read your stories. Although my childhood in the exclusive JW world was a very happy one, I've recently realized how hard it was for many others, as your experiences confirm. I'm so thrilled I woke up early enough for my kids to be raised normally. I feel very sorry though for those kids still in who have no choice...
• 

  undercover

  Excellent thread. Great observations that I can totally relate to. It was almost like you pulled a memory thread out of my head and put it in a pensieve (ala Harry Potter books) and read my memories.

  I've added some of my recollections that were stirred up by your comments...

  I was always scared to make worldly friends because i would have to tell them why i cant come over, go to birthdays, ect... it's just easier to not have close friends and just walk in the shadows. To this day i havent made any close friends, like someone i can just ring and say "hey wanna go out"

  I never made "worldly" friends. Never went to camp, played organized sports, did anything. And I didn't want to have to explain what being a JW was. I remember trying to explain why we didn't celebrate xmas. It ended badly and I learned to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself. Over time I learned to entertain myself. And to this day, I'm somewhat of a loner. I don't have deep friendships outside of my marriage. I don't "do" much that I can't do by myself.

  I remember the meetings were BORING!!! ... There's only so many things to draw on your note pad, there's only so long you can look at the pictures in the watch tower. I cant think of anything less natural for little boys to do.

  Even when you tried to behave and listen, you just couldn't do it. It was some of the worst memories of my young life. Meeting after meeting, droning talk after droning talk. The only thing worse was field service.

  I remeber HATING suits. They are itchy and there's nothing worse than on a beautiful sunny day putting on an itchy suit and going BORING witnessing with dad for 2 hours and seeing other peoples kids have waterfights and actually do stuff. I wanted to play in mud and be rough but i had to walk at a slow pace with straight back and hand out stupid Jehovah mags.

  Ditto for me. Even as an adult, I hated suits and dressing up for meetings. It was excruciating as a child, especially on a sunny spring Saturday morning. Just thinking about it gives me anxiety. Now that I'm out I only wear suits when I want to now, which is very, very rare. Once or twice a year maybe...and then it's a tuxedo. Hell, if I'm gonna dress up, might as well have some fun with it.

  I remember wishing my life away. Thinking "I wish time would go faster" (what a disgusting thought for a little kids, or anyone) I remember the family awkwardly sitting around the table reading the whole watchtower chapter, it went on forever under my dads control. I would keep flicking to the last page to see how long to go. Then the bloody question box would take another 5mins. "CAN WE SKIP IT?? PLEASE??"

  Good description. Did you join us for our family study? Sounds like it. The family study was some of the most boring time ever spent in my life. I remember staring at the clock just trying to wish it to go faster. I used to try to figure out when we could end if we averaged so many minutes per paragraph. I did the same thing during the WT study at the hall. I spent more time revising my math as the study progressed to see if I could mathmatically figure when it would finally, finally be over. Hell, I even counted down what was left during the song. I'd say to myself, 1/4 done, 1/3 done, 1/2 done, 2/3 done, 3/4 done, 7/8 done, 15/16 done, finally....over.

  It seemed that being a jehovah witness was about how many things i did wrong. The only value i had was how well i could be a jehovah witness. I didnt matter as a person, all that mattered was how jehovah witness i could be. And it seemed like everyone else was better at it than me. In my mind no one else was bored at the meetings and everyone loved witnessing. I felt like i had been thrown into some alien planet and didnt understand their customs

  It was trying to live up to a set of standards that deep down I knew I'd never be able to. And I can totally relate to your last two comments. I thought I was the weird one. I hated service, I was bored at meetings, I didn't feel love for God, I just wanted to go home and play or watch TV (what little I was allowed to watch anyway). It wasn't until finding others who had left that I realized that I wasn't the weird one...I was normal...it was everyone who actually liked the meetings and service that were on the weird side. But when you're normal in an insane asylum, you stand out as the different one.
• 

  XPeterX

  I feel you brother.Being a JW is a fucking torture especially when you are a teenager.