Lessons Learned....

by AllTimeJeff 12 Replies latest jw friends

  • AllTimeJeff

    Hello all. Want to briefly address why I am here.

    I did say I was done with JW forums. And I am in a sense. I would like to announce a couple of things. For one, I am just a person who happened at one point in his life to be a JW. I used to be a JW. I am not an ex JW. It is no longer a label.

    I have no desire to get involved with anything that will bring down JW's. (allowing for the fact that actually talking about things like facts, truths, feelings, etc really does chip away at them)

    I am here now to comment on things that interest me in topics. I doubt very seriously that I will be posting interesting new topics on JW's anymore. While I totally respect that others will obviously do that here, I am very bored with the entire thing. I have said all I can say about JW's. Comment, sure. Start things, not really.... Proving JW's are wrong is easier then proving that Brittney Spears lip syncs. If you put emotionalism aside, most people don't care about JW's. I care about the people inside, and some here on the forum. If it weren't for that, I wouldn't be here now. It is about people, not a group of people, if that makes sense.

    It is my firm opinion that if JW's didn't exist, some other similar group would. Cults, high control groups, whatever you want to call them, have been and always will be around. It was my super duper great luck that I happened to be born into a family of JW's. Yay. I used to ask myself when I was a teen and into my twenties if I weren't born a JW, would I have picked them? The answer, happily, is no.

    I do think my best contributions will be on the odd topic that catches my eye. If someone wants to argue, I can't say I won't occasionally debate, given my past history. But I am pretty sure I am done with that too. I know that there are billions of people in the world who feel certain ways. I don't delude myself that they exist, or that my getting upset on an occasional internet forum will change much.

    Besides, if you disagree with me, aren't you just a D-bag with a keyboard? Just like me?

    Politics? Opinions? We all got em. Most in my opinion are not realistic or pragmatic. Mine included. And believe it or not, my opinions have changed somewhat on politics. And Religion. But not by that much..... And it is probably not going to be something I will share too much....

    I guess I am still here just to be here. I actually enjoy posting here. I took myself way too seriously at times, but that was to be expected. If you don't, who else will, right?

    But for those who are leaving JW's, I guess one of those things you will have to gauge as to whether or not you are "recovered" is your sense of humor. How seriously you take yourself. The need for "revenge", or "justice". I have an opinion or two on that as well, and I will share that as respectfully as I can when appropriate.

    In any case, I needed the break away. I apologize for the attention a couple of my last threads got prior to this one. I wasn't trying to be an attention whore. But, I just wanted to get the above off my chest, to say hi, and poke around a bit.


  • AGuest
    I wasn't trying to be an attention whore.

    No worries, dear ATJeff (peace to you!). Seems like there's a lot of "us" around tonight. Ah, well, you know what they say: there's strength in numbers! Rock on!

    SA, of the "not of the Magdalene class"... on her own

  • AllTimeJeff

    Oh yeah, some other things... Lessons learned, not "AllTimeJeff" rant, right? (ok, stop giggling...)


    First and foremost, if you are so unhappy since leaving that you are in some way hurting yourself and others, get therapy if you can. If you can't, this forum will offer some great empathetic advice, though not professional.

    If you are unhappy since you left JW's, its not because they were right. You were unhappy while you were in too, remember? And if you joined up, you were unhappy before you joined more then likely. So chances are, you are perpetually unhappy, and its just because you have other issues worth exploring. *professional help!!* (I don't mean that to be mean, but sometimes, unhappiness isn't out there, its in us...)

    Jehovah's Witnesses will not be "brought down" in the next 20-30 years.... We know their prophecies will change again. Probably its good we all got out when we did....

    Forgive. Forgive yourself. If you have been really wronged, you don't need to forgive, but you do need to deal with the anger somehow.

    Get to know yourself, and give yourself time to do so.

    You will grow. You will change.

    If you don't grow or change, thats alright too. I probably won't believe that if you tell me that, but hey, if thats your story, stick to it!

    Education is a great thing. Try it.

    Therapy is a great thing. Try it.

    You are going to stumble and fail at times if you leave. That doesn't mean you are a failure. Your success in life isn't dependent on anyone's approval other then the person in the mirror.

    I think it's really a good thing to think of your experience as a JW as a part of your life that you have moved on from. Having once been a JW is a helluva lot different then being an ex JW.

    Lastly, it is my singular goal in life to be as honest as I can with myself. Strangely, I still struggle with that, and I have to make myself be honest at times. I know a lot of what is "honest" can be relative, but most of the time, we can be honest with ourselves as to why we feel the way we do, what we want, why we are here.

    Life isn't fair. I really wish Bill Gates could have had a son so I could be rich right now. Didn't happen, so I have to deal with the reality I find myself in. Being honest, or at least trying to be honest, is the only way I know to deal with reality.

    At least it is easier behind this keyboard tonight.... :) In real life, more of a challenge to be honest with myself, but thats my goal....

    PS: Be happy.

  • Hadit

    Well I for one like your posts! Attention whore? LOL! A little attention can be good.

    Get to know yourself, and give yourself time to do so.

    I think that is a very important thing to do. As witnesses we never got the opportunity to get to know ourselves. We were too busy putting on the fake personality and thinking things we thought we had to think so that we don't get destroyed by our loving God at the big A. We were too busy being clones of the WTS and were fearful of our real thoughts that tried to creep up on us. As a result we never got to know ourselves and have paid the price in many ways. Bad marriages, bad work relationships, bad relationships with ourselves - low self esteem, depression, etc. They also never gave us the time to get to know ourselves - service, meetings, assemblies, clean homes, clean service case, clean car for service . . . ad nauseum!

  • wobble

    Thanks Jeff,

    Well written as usual, and your advice to new leavers is spot on. You are always a great read on whatever subject you post, so don't be a stranger at our door, you are always welcome here, big time.

    Your bit about unhappiness and getting Prof. help reminded me of an old Melanie Safka song "Psychotherapy" where she seeks advice on her feelings of inferiority and is delighted to discover,after the consultation, that :

    "I really am inferior !" LOL

  • transhuman68
  • acolytes



    I no longer compare the witnesses with some kind of false imaginary world. Iam glad I no longer belong to it-Iam pleased that I can talk my oppossing views with members of the congregation. For every witness that shuns me an equal number still accept me as a friend.(Even elders)

    I also think it goes well for the congregation that when I said the shunnung of a former sister was possibly making her suicidal that they went to her appartment spoke with her and now greet her in the street.

    I guess my exsperience of witnesess and shunning is different from many. I guess my former friends are like Nichodimus and only speak to me in secret. But in similar circumstances I would do the same.As to those that shun me I guess its because of fear and I accept that to.

    As to what I believe Iam not sure anymore.But its my thinking, and iam not interested in others accepting my thinking. Infact I only like discussing my belives to hear questions that challenge my thinking.


  • bohm

    Inspired by the song you posted when you left:


  • Doubting Bro
    Doubting Bro

    Glad you're back. I've always enjoyed your posts. Although I will say your choice of football teams is somewhat disturbing!

  • Coffee House Girl
    Coffee House Girl

    AT Jeff- Thanks for comming back to share a little with us, I know you can get hooked on this site easily, and recovery does mean moving on...sometimes you have to step back a bit and gain a little perspective,

    I am glad you are still around to provide some help, I can vouch that your statements help me think rationally (I need all the help I can get, trust me).

    I sometimes wrestle with the label too... I once proudly wore the label "Jehovah's Witness" (well not proudly sometimes)...then I left and I was still labelled by others (including my BF as a JW)- I finally had to say to him, "I don't go to meetings, I don't go out in FS, I am having premarital sex with you while still scripturally married to another, stop calling me a JW!" But last week he was talking with one of his friends and the first thing we talked about when he introduced me to her was my JW past....

    its okay to talk about the past sometimes...but I would like to move on too, I like how you worded it not as an EX JW but I used to be a JW....I will remember to talk to Coffee Shop Guy about it sometime



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