Genuine Friends (page 2)

Little Imp

Awww sorry to hear that cantleave, just makes everything so much harder, times like this is when you need a genuine friend. However, that said, I guess it's better to know now that a friend isn't genuine.

I have only been on this site a couple of days and everyone here is very friendly, supportive, non-judgemental. It helps a lot.

Given time, though, you will for sure make new friends outside the KH and in time a close friend then everything else will start to fade into insignificance. At least too it may take longer to make a friend but it will be for the right reasons not just because you happen to attend the same KH. I also think that someone like yourself will have so much to offer to someone as a friend having been through so much yourself and you will become someone's very treasured special friend.

Lots of luck and happiness.

LIx

brizzzy

Thank you, LittleImp. We haven't spoken in a few years; I moved back to CA and just e-mailed less and less. This thread has inspired me to reach out and e-mail him and see about getting back in touch. Dunno if it'll happen now that I'm out, but we'll see. He always seemed aware of the brainwashing thing and the hypocrisy rampant in the Org, so you never know. Maybe he'll think for himself and get back to me. His own sister is married to the congregation PO (both run more along the snooty, judgmental lines) and like I said, he never turned me in to them, and we even joked about their snooty judgmental-ness behind their backs, so maybe there's hope :)

blondie

jws cannot be genuine friends, they are conditioned to always look out for number one. They will let nothing or no one get between them and their eternal life in paradise on earth; even turning in people that only seem to have done something "wrong."

Whereas Jesus showed that a true friend was willing to lose his life for his friends.

Jesus was accused of being friends of tax collectors and sinners; how did he respond?

(Luke 5:29-32) . . .great crowd of tax collectors and others who were with them reclining at the meal. 30 At this the Pharisees and their scribes began murmuring to his disciples, saying: "Why is it YOU eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?" 31 In reply Jesus said to them: "Those who are healthy do not need a physician, but those who are ailing do. 32 I have come to call, not righteous persons, but sinners to repentance."

(Luke 7:34-35) 34 The Son of man has come eating and drinking, but YOU say, ‘Look! A man gluttonous and given to drinking wine, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’ 35 All the same, wisdom is proved righteous by all its children."

Lozhasleft

LittleImp this forum is a good place to be with some really great ppl on it. I found such compassionate support for my grief and loss over leaving the Org when I first joined here, only a few months ago, after being Dfshpd approx 3 years....I felt it really brought shame on the 'loving organisation of brothers' that members of an apostate site aided my healing.

Yep there are a few oddballs and the occasional troll here, but really thats negligible.

Loz x

Little Imp

Blondie, you are right JW friends are't ever really friends at all, it is a conditional friendship which is not what a close, loyal friend should be.

Lozhasleft, I just read a life story on another site (think it might have been yours) if so you have had a really tough time. I am glad that you have found the support you needed and now you are here helping and supporting others with such great understanding. For my part that is the sign of a true Christian friend.

When I used to attend the KH I was amazed at how much the word "apostate" was thrown around. Having not grown up as a JW I was totally shocked at how much name calling went on by so called Christians. In fact, I looked up the word apostate as they seemed to use it for just about anyone and I remember the meaning as being "someone who has lost their faith". I then said to my husband "who are they to know whether someone has lost their faith or not?"

LIx

Aussie Oz

I thought i had lots until i stopped attending and left my wife. For two whole years where i was merely 'inactive' not one ever ever contacted me. none.

the true friends in the org is a giant myth at best.

oz

John Locke

Tell you my story of looking for friends.

Our foreign field congregation split into two groups and each group was attached to another bigger congregation about 60 km apart. So suddenly I lost contact with quite many brothers. At about the same time quite many brothers from other neighboring congregatins joind our group. So I wanted to make new friends. I didn't have big appartment to invite somebody for a dinner or so, that's why I decided to organize a day-trip (return the same day) to a nearby island and invited a couple of brothers and sisters from our group (including a merried couple). Two weeks before sending invitatin with detailed program I talked to each individual I wanted to invite and everybody agreed except for a sister who said that she might be busy with writing some report. In a couple of days I sent an official invitation to people I wanted to invite. Within next four day noone replied. Well, since almost everyone already egreed to come, I thought, OK they all agreed with my suggestions, though still it was a bit strange for me. After four days I received an email from the sister who was hesitating whether to come because of her report. Excerpts from her email:

Dear John Locke,

This looks good and it sounds like a fun plan. I have only one little problem, I talked to Brother xxx about the trip to the Island and he kind of discouraged me. He wanted to know who were going to the Island and i told him but by then, I did not know that yyy and zzz were going. The fact that both of them are going changes the whole perspective but why don't we (me, you, yyy and zzz) double check on Tuesday just to be sure that we are not doing something that will bring reproach on our dear God's name.

Of course I trust you very much but even within the christian congregation we still have to be careful who we associate with... My dear brother, I hope you understand, right? I will talk to you tomorrow.

Lots and lots of Christian Love,

???

(br. xxx is an elder, yyy and zzz is a merried couple I mentioned before)

Well, to be honest, that just freaked me out. Apparently that sister, without talking to me first, started to disscuss my plan with an elder. After conversation with an elder I realized that he knows even more about the trip then I do. And probably (don't know all the details) he tald to other people in the group not to go with me without telling anything to me. That might explain why nobody replied to my email.

All this just broke me... That's how the friendship is conditioned in the watchtower. You cannot make friends if first do not ask an elder if this brother or sister is a good brother or sister. People are not able to deternine that for themselves. They need to know the viewpoint of someone with authority.

And it's sad. I canceled everyting in the end since don't believe in frienship which is based on a lack of trust.

Broken Promises

That’s true, John Locke, you couldn’t organise anything without the elders sticking their noses in. And this was for events organised by, and for, adults. Yet we were treated like little kids!

Mad Sweeney

we were treated like little kids!

That is exactly what forced me to abandon the fade and quit cold turkey. We became suspect and were subsequently treated like children. I could act out the belief system but there was no way I could suspend my self-respect by submitting to the 'authority' of gossip-mongering window-washers who treated me like a kid.

VampireDCLXV

I actually do have one friend left in the borg but I think I'll have to leave him behind eventually. He's about as loyal and understanding as a friend can be. He's heard me out about the apathy and lovelessness in my cong and didn't stick up for any of the snobs I couldn't stand. He didn't stick up his nose at me when I told him about not attending meetings because there makes me even more depressed. He's been an outsider like me and he's seen a lot of apathy too. I'd say he's my friend despite the borg, not because of them.

He moved out of town a few years ago and I'm surprised that I've kept contact - I'm usually rather poor at keeping contact with friends after they move away. He recently married a newly minted borg, a nice lady, I find her likeable. Of course this means that I hardly talk to him or see him anymore. We are drifting apart. He has his own new life now, as do I. I haven't told him that I'm not coming back to the borg, not yet. Maybe I needn't bother.

All that said, when you leave the borg you can't hold onto any friends on the inside, no matter how much they mean to you. When you sign up to be one of the borg, that's the deal, that's just the way it is. When you leave, it's time to find new friends, ones that will love you and your dog.

V665

Genuine Friends

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