How do you deal with shunning ?

by man in black 22 Replies latest jw friends

  • man in black
    man in black

    My wife and I DA'ed ourselves two years ago. She left because she felt there was no forward momentum in the congregation.

    me: because I really started to notice the lack of love and concern amoungst "true christians"

    We have gotten to the point now where we will say hello to any jw's we run into, but the total avoidance thing is starting to get somewhat creepy to me.

    Example : my wife was in target several weeks ago, put her items on the belt and was getting ready to checkout. Lo and behold a once-good friend jw gets in line behind her, evidently failing to notice that it was my wife "the one who left the truth" in front of her.

    My wife turned around and smiled getting ready to say hello, well this witness suddenly focused her eyes and realized that an apostate was in front .

    She (the witness) picked up all her items, put them back in the cart, and arrogantly strutted over to another line, completely avoiding any eye contact.

    When my wife got home she commented on how ridiculous the whole scene was, but she felt pity because of the mind-conditioning that caused this lady to behave like that.

    Several months earlier, I was at the hospital getting a blood test (so that I could allow my dog to be a Therapy Dog). And I passed an elder that I had known since 1975 with his wife. They both looked at me and quickly turned aside like I had leprosy.

    The more time I am away from the jw mindset, the more I am amazed at their lack of human feeling, and natural affection. If I had become a murderer, or drug dealer I could possibly understand them. But for crying out loud, I personally am doing more to help people and assist them then I have ever done in my life. And these so called "religious people" have the audacity to look down because I dont believe the same things that they do.

    Time is really showing me the absolute unnatural uncaring attitude the the jw religion fosters.

    Anyway getting back on topic,, how do you deal with shunning ?

    Do you reflect this belief back to them, possibly by avoidance when you see a witness at the store, or are you a "throw it in their face" type of

    person. COmpletely forgetting the whole shunning thing, and treating them like normal people ?

    I look forward to reading your comments !

  • LostGeneration

    It hasn't happened much to me, but I am resolved to not cower or avoid any witnesses I come across. A few times a have been greeted back by a quick hello but nothing more. I hope to catch them off guard if possible, to stand tall and simply greet them. If they act in the way you have described then that is on them. Hopefully others around such as their children, or the Target checker in your case will take note of the ridiculous behavior and it will make them think. I have talked to dozens of my co-workers and told them how I am no longer spoken to because of my stance and they are now warned as to what the witnesses really represent.

    This article from Garybuss talks about how it is part of their worship. It also shows how you have to be a participant for the shunning to work. If you make it difficult for them by smiling at them, greeting them, or just not avoiding them, it causes cognitive dissonance for them. They have to reduce that by either justifying it, or on the other hand starting to think logically. While few will do the latter, its better to at least force them into the situation so that they at least feel uncomfortable.

  • gubberningbody

    We're moving to another state. I have too many memories here and I'm tired of avoiding places.

    I don't miss any of them much, because no one had anything to say and though I was genuinely interested in the Bible, no one wanted to talk about it. There just wasn't any point.

  • asilentone

    Just roll eyes around and move on.

  • Luo bou to
    Luo bou to

    I was talking to one of the Elders who df me at the supermarket. We were talking for 5mins or so until he realized who he was talking to then he mumbled something about Satan and took off. Love relating that story to people. If they are rude to me in public then I respond in a loud voice with something like "You JW's can be so rude sometimes"

  • Hadit

    If I had become a murderer, or drug dealer I could possibly understand them. But for crying out loud, I personally am doing more to help people and assist them then I have ever done in my life.

    If you had become a murderer or drug dealer then they WOULDN'T shun you! In their eyes apostates are much worse. Sick!

    I'm not officially out as an apostate yet in the congregation - though I'm sure it will be soon (had two elders at my door again - but that's another thread). If I were to face that then I would be my friendly self. I refuse to be unloving like they are. Who knows, maybe the fact that others can show unconditional love will wake someone up.

    I'll never understand their lack of love. All the best to you guys!

  • AGuest
    how do you deal with shunning?

    With great pity for them, dear MIB (peace to you!), because:

    (1) I was once among them and even if I didn't shun anyone (I didn't), I knowingly and openly associated with those who did, and so now that I know better I am ashamed of it... and hope that they will come to that place at some point, too...

    (2) I know how it feels when "the lights come on" about such a thing (the shame and chagrin), and know that they will feel it, too, one way or another, sooner or later... and I really wouldn't wish such a feeling on anyone...

    (3) I would want others to readily forgive me (should I run into someone who I had shunned at some point), without putting me through it.

    I guess you could sum it up in my asking, "Father, FORGIVE them... for they DO know what they are doing." They don't.

    I hope this helps and, again, I bid you peace!

    A slave of Christ,


  • thenoblelodge

    I shall just smile and say a greeting even if they ignore me, after all they may very well need a friend one day. I find it too time consuming to hold a grudge or even hate these people.

    They are lost in a world of mind control.

  • blondie

    I can't say there is no hurt but there is less if I smile and greet them. I don't play their game and hope it makes them uncomfortable enough to think twice about what they are doing.

    I'm not even da'd or df'd, just inactive. I had people shun me at the KH when my husband was an elder and I pioneered. jws just love JUDGING other people. It's they only way they can feel good about themselves.

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    Blondie makes a salient point. It is the ones with low self-esteem who shun the hardest. Every congregation seems to have a handful of relatively independent thinkers with some sense of self remaining who will talk to a DFd or DAd person as long as nobody is around but the majority of JWs derive their self-image through the congregation/organization's view of them. "If I do everything by the organization's book, maybe, just maybe I'll be an ok person."

    The entire JW worldview is that everyone is crap worthy of destruction at Armageddon and the ONLY thing making ANYone worth a damn is toeing the WT line. Not many JWs break out of that view for long and remain a JW.

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