New Drama

by brotherdan 10 Replies latest jw friends

  • brotherdan

    I just can't win! About a year ago when I began to have doubts I talked to one of my old friends about what I was feeling. Her and her husband actually did a ton of research and left the organization quietly and quickly. I've occasionally talked to her here and there and never really thought much about it.

    I receieved an email from my father today (who is an elder in another state) that said that my friends mom told him that I have been in contact with her and we have been talking trash about Jehovah's Witnesses. He said that they have been trying to get her mom to see "dirt" about the organization too.

    He just wanted to give me a heads up that her mom had already gone to the elders in her area and told them about me. He said not to be shocked if it gets back to my congregation! At the end of his email he basically told me to shut up or I would be disfellowshiped for apostacy. He told me to just fall out of the truth and lead the debauched life I've wanted to live and leave Jehovah's people out of it. Thanks pops.

    So now that I finally get some good advice and am going to try and lay low and support my wife, I'm going to have to deal with this! I feel sick.


    What a wonderful Shepard of the flock.

  • EndofMysteries

    brotherdan -

    What got me out, was nothing at all to do with leading a debauched life, even today I don't. I didn't go running off into leading the 'worldly lifestyle' lol. Not saying that to appear self righteous, I'm saying this because the truth of the bible itself and what the bible really teaches, is also a reason people leave. TRUE bible reading and study can open ones eyes.

    With that being said, here is what I would do if I was in a marriage already.....

    I would have family study, REAL bible study. You can start off with doing the Watchtowers..............MARK 9/15/10 to STUDY WITH HER REAL CLOSE.

    Now don't do a 'highlight the paragraph' study. Look up EACH SCRIPTURE. Tell her you want to really understand and apply the bible, the watchtower is supposed to just be a 'guide' so let the bible teach you. Then make sure to point out and question HER since your doing this together and to 'research together' when scriptures appear to not have 'anything' to do with the paragraph.

    Also when reading the scriptures, look at them in 'context'. If you a paragraph makes a statement, and post a scripture which says the sentance, then say, "La de freakin dah!!! is that put there when that chapter and set of surrounding verses is speaking about something completely unrelated???"

    Everything just automatically trusts and 'assumes' everything is right. As recorded I think in James or Hebrews, "Keep Checking the inspired utterances".

    With true study, the fog can't last that long.

  • serenitynow!

    I'm sorry for your troubles brotherdan. I find it amazing that so many JWs think that people leave because they want to live a debauched life.

    It seems to me though that your friends that left did you a disservice by blabbing to their family that you had doubts too. When I talked to a couple JWs I know about some doubts, and that I was meeting with some other doubting JWs and exJWs, they kept asking me who they were, where were we meeting. I was like, no, not telling you anything. I felt like I have the right to tell any and everybody my feelings, but I should not name names.

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Until you have made up your mind what you are going to do and have a workable plan, don't say anything to any JW.

    Avoid putting anything they can use against you in email/facebook/whatever.

    He said that they have been trying to get her mom to see "dirt" about the organization too.

    Tell them they going about it the wrong way. If they want to help people out, they have to do it without setting off alarm bells and without involving other people (you). They should stop 'helping' until they have learned how.

    Don't let any of them make you feel guilty for leaving. You didn't ask you parents to raise you as a cult member. You were just an innocent child until they filled your head with stories of killer gods and demons.

    If they behave badly towards you when you ask questions, or leave, that is the result of their poor choices, not yours. Don't accept responsibility for their bad behaviour.



  • wantstoleave

    I can relate to the 'debauched' life line. When I expressed my desire to stop being a witness last year, my mother immediately chucked it at me saying 'ok fine go sleep with whoever you want then'. I had thought nothing of the sort! That made me cry because never in my heart had I had such a desire. I just wanted 'freedom' in a way she obviously didn't understand given she's a witness.

    I do however think it was good of your dad, in a way, to give you a heads up. And kind of nice that he at least said to do the 'falling out' fade bit. Given his experience as an elder, and probably not wanting you disfellowshipped, he knows the ropes so to speak. Having a disfellowshipped family member is kind of like a marking too. Witnesses try to justify why it happened. Like 'oh his dad was an elder and too busy to inculcate him' or 'his family was never strict enough' etc. They can never just let sleeping dogs lie. They always have to have a reason for why someone has done something.

    I wish you all the best! Just keep laying low for now, if that's what you want to do

  • yknot

    Email dad back.....

    Ask him why he believes the alleged gossip? (but don't deny or confirm)

    Perhaps insert a few choice WT pub quotes from the CD about the dangers of gossip to strenghten a well deserved admonishment of his mean-spirited email.

    Gush then about the kids and new publications.......

  • A.Fenderson

    I hope this blows over or never develops and you're able to pursue your choice of laying low and supporting your wife. But don't worry yourself sick--if it escalates, which it may not, deal with it then, but try not to let worry over it steal your joy and health now.

  • Gayle

    He told me to just fall out of the truth and lead the debauched life I've wanted to live

    It like they want you to do the debauched life.. sounds like that is what they would want to do if they left JWs. How unloving they are!! Too bad your "old friends" broke your trust,,they should have known how these things can get back to families. Just try to go on have a good positive life,be happy,,JWs hate to see that.

  • brotherdan

    I really DON'T want to live a debauched life. I have strong morals. Maybe they don't match JWs morals, but I'm able to keep my conscience clear about most things. The last comment he made about just falling out the truth reminded of Jobs wife to "Curse God and die!".

    Well that's not what I'm going to do. I talked to my friend last night, and she said she didn't remember saying anything about me to her mom. She said that her mom put 2 and 2 together. She called me again later last night and said that her moms elders told her that they would be getting in contact with mine. Normally this would scare me. But I have nothing to be ashamed about. All they have is 3rd person hearsay anyway. She told me that her mom ended with "Well, we just want to get him the help he so dearly needs." Awe...what a sweet way to justify ratting someone out."

    And what have I done that got everyone all up in arms?!? I talked about some policies that I have a hard time with.

    What if this sort of thing happened to Americans in general? If you disagreed with a law passed or a law maker, what kind of government would we live in? And Witnesses have the nerve to brag about their fight for freedom of speech, while internally they are no better than a dictatorship?

    Sorry... usually I'm not this bitter. I just don't understand people.

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