Has being a JW turned you into a doormat?

by highdose 16 Replies latest jw friends

  • Scully


    I had a similar exchange at a self-check-out lane a couple of weeks ago. The store has it set up so that one line feeds three automated check-out stations... the way you'd wait for a teller at a bank.

    Anyway, I was at the front of the line with my daughter, there were maybe three or four people behind me when I noticed this couple pulling up alongside me. They were older, only had a few items and it was obvious that they weren't familiar with the procedure. Anyway, a station cleared and the lady shoves her cart in my path and starts complaining to her husband (in French) about what a bitch I was for butting in to her spot. I had been chatting with my daughter in English, so I guess she didn't think I understood what she was saying, until I turned to her and corrected her in French about there only being one line to serve all the stations and that she should have gone to the end of the line instead of trying to jump ahead of other customers. She got a bit huffy about being corrected, but took the next station and started ringing through her order. I noticed that she had all marked down items and couldn't figure out how to ring them through. I was finished my order so I stopped and showed her how to do it. She was very appreciative after all that, even though I'd been such a "bitch" for asserting myself in the line and correcting her erroneous assumptions about how the self-check-out line worked.

  • LongHairGal


    No, but they certainly tried. I had a problem right from the beginning because I saw that they were trying to turn women into doormats. I had more of a problem than most because I work full-time. I REFUSED to follow the example they tried to force down my throat of women doing 'housecleaning' and getting a room-mate.

    From there on they were targeted left and right by all the many users in this religion. They imagined you were supposed to say "Yes" to any request and that you were there to make OTHERS feel good at your expense. Sorry, I wasn't buying it and didn't give a shit if it conflicted with anybody's image of what a 'Christian Personality' is supposed to be. I also observed some sisters (who were married to elders or in a prominent family). They may have been 'sweet' but they certainly were nobody's doormats. Neither was I going to be.

    Jesus was no doormat and I don't think He expected me to be one either.


    That was nice of you to help that nervy woman. However, I would have helped her by saying out loud what she was doing wrong so that everybody would know. Don't feel bad that you have to be a 'bitch' sometimes. If being assertive when your rights are being trampled on or if somebody is trying to take advantage of you makes me a bitch - then so be it.

  • WTWizard

    How many times do you hear of not returning evil for evil? And yes, the witlesses do abuse that. They will spank children for not being quiet at the Kingdumb Hell, yet they will not allow a witless to pull the gun away from an armed robber and use it to shoot him or threaten to shoot him in self defense. They just don't understand that there is a big difference between initiatory force and retaliatory or defensive force. Initiatory force is always improper; retaliatory force is intended to deter others who might also initiate force from doing so. Retaliatory force is always used after someone initiates the use of force or threats thereof, and is intended to prevent further initiatory force and to deter others.

    Trouble is, the witlesses always lump them together. "Vengeance is mine", they keep parroting (referring to Jehovah). "He who lives by the sword will die by the sword" is another. However, what would that tell a criminal if you are not going to defend yourself? That would tell him that you are a good target and there is low risk, and you are therefore more likely to become a victim. On the other hand, if you had a gun and knew when to use it, the first person who attempted or threatened an attack on you would likely pay for it with his life. And the next person would see that you are not someone that can be robbed with little risk. Thus, they will attack the next victim. If everyone had guns and knew when to use them, these criminals would realize that crime is a very high risk activity, which they could easily pay for with their lives. Initiatory force goes way down, and society is that much safer.

  • Bystander39

    My answer is no - I was a doormat before I joined.

  • exwhyzee

    I think when you grow up in this religion, you get into the habit of being extra polite and very apologetic about yourself and the off the wall beliefs and things that you are required to do in order to serve God by their standards.

  • dgp

    Sorry, but the worldly disagrees. If you are trained by your parents to be submissive and let others use you as a doormat (as your parents will, because), then you are submissive and let others use you as a doormat.

    Have you noticed that the children of particularly strong people are often very weak? That's no surprise. Their parents were there to make them that way.

  • EmergedAsMe

    I always felt like I was a strong person - until these last few months I have been exiting the WTS. I find myself apologizing for stupied things that aren't my fault. I think my self-confidence has taken a hard hit, due to losing my identity and it is manifesting itself in the form of the word "sorry". My nerves are just worn excessively thin, and I can't take anyone getting on them - even if they are in the wrong I would rather just say sorry and move on if I can. It drives me nuts (always has) when someone apoligizes for everything, I fear I have become a little like that myself.

    For example: A woman was putting on her jacket in a shop and hit me, and I apoligized. She was a lovely older lady and made a joke about how she shouldn't be flapping around like a duck and said sorry to me. She gave me a little bit of a weird look that I apoligized when it was clear she had hit me not the other way around.

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