Thoughts on My Exit

by losingit 8 Replies latest jw friends

  • losingit

    It has been some time since I last posted or even visited the site, and I wondered why that was. Life continued to be difficult without a network of friends to look forward to seeing. The novelty of being disfellowshipped wore off, and the mundane advanced as it did every day. Taking the girls to school, wondering how I was going to pay for their new clothes and field trips, calculating every penny-- none of it changed.

    What did change? I finally finished my teaching internship requirements. I met some really wonderful children at the summer school where I was assigned. I got there every morning, with my pregnant belly in my 2nd trimester, so happy to be working with these kids, so happy that I still fit in my summer dresses, so happy to complete the work required of me, so happy to be supported by an experienced teaching mentor and a very "real" cooperating teacher. It was a thrilling summer.

    I had my baby girl in November. Such a strong and curious baby girl. When she was in my belly, I felt her kicks and stretches in the middle of the night. I could feel her hand glide across the inner surface of my womb. She refused to show her face in every single sonogram, her hand hiding her cute little nose. Her legs, crossed, in constant movement, made it clear that she had places to go, people to see, and being unborn was not going to stop her!

    Maybe I am the only one, but I truly enjoy being in the maternity ward. The silence at night with the baby in my room, the both of us alone, new to each other, face to face. The pain from the C-section hardly ever deters me from getting up for just a few minutes to wander about, to feel the stillness, the freshness of new life. There is nothing better than those four days. They are sacred.

    Today, I picked up my cap, gown, and hood for my May Master's in Education graduation ceremony. All three girls were in tow. We scooped up what I needed, had lunch in the cafeteria, and headed for cupcakes just a few blocks away. I parked in two different places in the city and managed to *not* get a ticket! A win for me!

    The reason why I am back here on this site is simple: religious beliefs are soon going to be examined in my divorce proceedings, and I recently decided to no longer be friends with "Hannah." For some reason, these two events triggered the insecurities I felt when I was freshly disfellowshipped.

    "Hannah", if anyone remembers, was a friend I truly questioned being friends with. A single mom, who left her children with her alcoholic, drug-addict, ex-husband. who was deeply entrenched in an adulterous affair of 3-years-length with a longtime childhood friend... this was Hannah. I chose to put those things aside because, hey! who am I to judge? Unfortunately, Hannah made the mistake of bringing her married boyfriend to my apartment when she was babysitting my dogs and had sex in my bed. How do I know? She joked about it in front of me-- and I found a pair of her panties in my bed when I got home! She also made the mistake of pilfering through my things to finally find my girls' money box in their bedroom. Sure, she replaced the money and some and confessed to it on her own. And I let it go, at first. But both things wore at me so much over time that I just literally stopped texting, calling, messaging on fb. I stopped answering her calls, stopped responding altogether. I was done, and I didn't even bother to offer any explanation. She recently unfriended me and blocked me on FB.

    Finally, having to think about Jehovah's Witnesses again, and my ex-husband, and my girls. I. Just. Can't. I haven't prayed before a meal in such a long time. I lost the urge to even visit a Unitarian Universalist church. My girls celebrated Halloween for the first time last October, trick or treating on three separate occasions! Christmas came to our family for the second year in a row. To even start thinking about the blood issue again.... But it's necessary. And I need to bring it up to the judge.

  • Village Idiot
    Village Idiot
    Based on her actions and blasé attitude I would say that Hannah is a psychopath. Stay the hell away from such people no matter what.
  • losingit
    Yah-- definitely Village Idiot. I am done with that chick.
  • millie210

    What a big year you have had!

    Lots of good things happening for you and your daughters. Distance from Hannah sounds best for heading in to divorce and custody hearings. Very wise of you.

  • happy@last
    [email protected]
    Great post, you have found the real you. Well done. All the best with recounting the nonsense of JW org. Think of your girls and you'll make it.
  • LoisLane looking for Superman
    LoisLane looking for Superman


    Thank you for 'checking' in and letting us all know how very well you are doing!

    Congratulations on the baby, your degree and all four of you going forward, together.

    You sound strong and happy!

    All the best to you and your little family!


  • Xanthippe

    Losingit, congratulations on getting your teaching degree. Wow with two children and pregnant and facing a divorce too! You have done so well. Women are amazing! Best of luck with your divorce. It's so unfair you have to cope with the JW issues on top of everything else but we are supporting you 100% here.

  • DisArmed


    Your writing about your pregnancy was beautiful. Hopefully these divorce proceedings won't last too long and you won't have to revisit Wally World for any length of time. Great job getting your master's degree. Good luck and keep forging ahead! Please keep us posted.

  • SAHS

    Congratulations on your family and career success! The good thing to always remember is that now you’ll never have to worry about that old “scriptural grounds” and “marry only in the Lord” (i.e., JWs) crap ever again. Now you can just go full steam ahead in living your life the way you were meant to – in true freedom, outside of that little WT prison box from which you and your kids have been lucky to escape. Always renember to show unconditional love to those kids, but also remember to always take care of yourself too. All the very best to you and your immediate family (minus the ex).

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