It still amazes me that dubs can shun family yet ask them for financial help.
That sounds JUST like my sister! The girl is mentally ill (besides the point) but she is exactly THAT way! This girl will not even LOOK at me if I run into her in public (she will cover my lil nieces eyes so SHE doesn't see me either) and she has flat out told me that I am DEAD to she and her daughter and that she wants nothign to do with me. But the oddest thing happens when she is in dire straights and needs money and knows my parents will give her a fat NO....all of a sudden she has no problem calling me and NEEDS me. I used to give in and let her have whatever she needed, but anymore - HELL NO!
Basically, although you are doing the noble thing - you are allowing yourself to be used. Do you realize that? I know it's your brother and that's family, but family wouldn't SHUN each other or play emotional games (you're not invited but could you contribute?) and they wouldn't allow men telling them NOT to do something to be their guide in life.