2 Year Meeting After Armageddon (Circulating Email)

by CrimsonAshes 24 Replies latest jw friends

  • CrimsonAshes

    Got this in an email.

    Dear Brothers,
    Please include the reminders below in the NRO (New Resurrected Ones)
    2-year review meeting. Thank you.

    WELCOME TO THE NEW WORLD! We hope your stay here has been a pleasant one.
    However, to assist in making your new life pleasant and enjoyable, please
    consider the following reminders.

    1. With regards to food, we must ask you newly resurrected ones to please
    get over the idea of eating meat. This is particularly important in view of
    all the animals walking around now. Thus…

    2. NO, you cannot have a hamburger, filet mignon, or baby back ribs. Look,
    everyone is going through adjustments to be here, it's not just you. After a
    while, you will get used to vegetables--really.

    3. Many of you are anxious to get in touch with long lost loved ones, but
    you're going to have to be patient. There is no email anymore. So those of
    you who were alive in the last days of the old system, you're just going to
    have to rely on word of mouth and/or letters for now. You can't update your
    Facebook page, nor tweet "I can't believe I made it!" on your Twitter
    account either.
    We don't have any plans for anything resembling the Internet until at least
    after Satan is removed from his abyss and destroyed, so you're looking at
    least 1,000 years minimum. (Now you can appreciate how everyone else lived
    before the 1990's.)

    4. While we're speaking of technology, for those of you who lived in the
    20th century, television is also out for now. (Do you know how ugly the New
    World would look with antennas sticking up all over the place?) Have you
    ever seen a satellite dish in any of the Society's New World illustrations?
    Didn't think so.
    We promised to get you here, and you made it - that's great. But you're not
    going to be able to catch up on all the movies, sporting events, or Star
    Trek episodes that you missed after you died. And don't even THINK about
    reality shows.

    5. One of the blessings of the New World is peace with the animal realm, so
    it is sad that some are engaging in practical jokes.
    For example, on at least three occasions, friends have evacuated the water
    and beaches of the shore when someone on land thought it would be funny to
    yell "Shark!" This put a good scare in everyone until they realized that
    sharks are now as timid as minnows. It may have been funny watching your
    brothers and sisters run from the water, but this isn't loving, is it?

    6. In the Old World, when asked, "What do you want to do in the New World
    almost everyone has said, "learn to play an instrument." Therefore, many
    are doing this today.

    Please…we beg you -- JUST STOP.
    Realize that you're not a very good musician. There are other talents you
    could pursue at this time. Music is just not one of them.
    However, if you insist on continuing, could you at least keep it down
    please? Close the windows? Shut the doors? Practice in a closet?
    Someday you may perfect this. But you will not be perfect for at least
    years and neither will your playing.
    Consideration people, that's all we're asking.

    7. Finally, we're all happy to be here in the New World and there is much
    work to do. Everyone is required to work, and we do have sufficient time
    to rest and recreate. Yet, it has been reported that some brothers have
    attempted to call in and take SICK DAYS.
    Brothers, there are NO SICK DAYS. This is the New World , remember? Does
    expression "No resident will say, 'I am sick.'" sound familiar?
    You may have been able to use this excuse for your worldly employer, but it
    won't be accepted here.
    Now, we hope everyone will cooperate with these points for the benefit of

  • Holey_Cheeses*King_of_the juice.
    Holey_Cheeses*King_of_the juice.

    My suggestion is that you block the sender who forwarded that total crock of shit. Stomach wrenching.

    Cheeses. The wholly holey holy one.

  • teel

    Huh Cheeses? I found it funny, it's a light satire of the JW. I don't think the sender was a devoted JW.

  • Holey_Cheeses*King_of_the juice.
    Holey_Cheeses*King_of_the juice.

    Satire it could be. It could also be the delusional dreaming of a loyal braindead jw.

    Cheeses. Who tells it as he sees it.

  • AnnOMaly

    Email back with these comments:

    There must be some industry in the new world, I see.

    Otherwise what are they using to write with and write on ("you're just going to have to rely on word of mouth and/or letters for now")? And there must be an organized postal service - horse mail?

    "Close the windows? Shut the doors? Practice in a closet"? Do these contain glass? 7 million JWs needing glass all for their doors and windows? That would require big factories with ugly chimneys and pollution. They might even need an electrical supply with the volume they're producing which would mean pylons. So why worry about the unsightliness of satellite dishes and antennae?

    And the reason employees are taking 'sick days' will be because all the worldly statutory holidays were discontinued and the only time they get a day off is to sit at a convention all day listening to the new scrolls being read out!

    And what's with the shark ("This put a good scare in everyone until they realized that sharks are now as timid as minnows")? If my favorite food had been banned and I had to eat seaweed instead, I'd be more p'd off and dangerous than ever. I'd also like to know who is cleaning up the sea bed of rotting carcasses now. Do all the fish corpses just miraculously dissolve into atoms now or what?

  • Cagefighter

    What is sad is the tone of this email is so controlling and condensending.... Yet the dubs will eat it up like Candy.

  • Nosferatu

    When did the JWs start admitting that Paradise Erf is going to suck ass? Not much to live for: No internet, no TV, no meat, no practical jokes. Just gardening and petting lions.

  • mkr32208

    Yeah that was pretty offensive, who the fuck put that A-hole in charge of paradise? I guarantee that is one of the self righteous pioneer/elders who thinks everyone is just waiting for their next pearl of wisdom....

    Sort of made me want to find them and punch them in the face a couple times.

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    This is satire, folks. If it's for real then the cult is even cultier than I thought.

  • leavingwt

    Hell = The JW Concept of Eternal Life on Earth

  • jwfacts

    Hell = The JW Concept of Eternal Life on Earth

    I was thinking the same. Is that email trying to make paradise sound wonderful, because it would turn most people off it.

  • mindmelda

    It does kind of point out that all the little technological goodies JWs now have and are used to won't be there...but I don't know how all those pretty mansions are going to be built either without sewer systems and sewage treatment, electrical plants and lumber mills, and as someone pointed out...even glass windows wouldn't be too likely.

    Maybe some crude log cabins and sod houses for the NS, right? Gee, that last message sounds like the NS is going to be run by a bunch of middle management douche bags, so what's the diff between that and the crummy job I have now?

    That's what's hilarious, they think the whole world is going to get run like Bethel and Patterson is run now. Do they really believe that you can do that without being part of the modern world?

  • poor places
    poor places

    haha, someone actually sent me that too. With regards to whoever said that it's satire, I think that's partially true, but it isn't just satire. There's an element of seriousness to it. I think the attitude of the author is something like, "Hey guys, wouldn't it be funny if these kinds of things happened in paradise?" But the author isn't making fun of the concept of paradise.

  • Kum Vulcan
    Kum Vulcan

    Looks like the email is a joke, and in my opinion aimed at cooling off JW expectations of the new system.

    What I find funny is that anytime a discussoin with similar topics has come up in the past, we've been told that new scrolls will be opened and to wait on Jehovah. Well, wait no more, 'cos, Jehovah ain't gonna do it for ya.

    There was a post maybe a week ago from someone referencing a link to the HIstory Channel's special on what would happen if humans suddenly dissapeared one day, but everything else is left intact. A very grim picture of infrastructure failure, nuclear and chemical disaters...something JWs are great at averting (with their nuclear physics and chemical engineering degrees )

    JWs refuse to even consider the logistics of a world thrown back in the 1st century, a picture clearly not represented by the panda bears, vegan lions and other socialist realism art peddled by the WT...

  • lepermessiah

    LOL to the HELL comments- I was thinking the same!

    What you mean you dont eat no ment?

    NO, you cannot have a hamburger, filet mignon, or baby back ribs. Look,
    everyone is going through adjustments to be here, it's not just you. After a
    while, you will get used to vegetables--really.

  • OnTheWayOut

    6. In the Old World, when asked, "What do you want to do in the New World
    almost everyone has said, "learn to play an instrument." Therefore, many
    are doing this today.

    I might have wrote:
    Please stop learning "Stairway to Heaven." We all know how only the anointed got there. It's really borderline on blasphemy.

  • mindmelda

    Just imagine having to play the WTS songbook for 1000 years. Doomed, I tell you...completely doomed. You know that's all they'd let you play, Kingdom Songs.

    I'd rather jab a knitting needle in my ear.

  • WTWizard

    This also means there will still be a Filthful and Disgraceful Slavebugger. And, if the musicians will not be perfect for 1,000 years, neither will the Filthful and Disgraceful Slavebugger be. This means they can and will make mistakes, which could prove fatal during the Final Test.

  • tec

    Who's taking this seriously? I thought it was just for fun. I giggled at the 'yelling shark' at the beach. If all of this was ever true, then someone would have to be running around playing pranks to make people laugh.


  • yourmomma

    fuck that place. lol

Share with others