MY MUMS IS DIEING O F CANCER?

by mark smith 20 Replies latest jw friends

  • AGuest
    AGuest

    Dearest Mark... may you have peace.

    Please know that what I am about to say is, I think, quite different from what these kind folks are telling you to do... but it will be the truth. Dear one, whatever you do, it must be what you MOTHER wishes. And if taking no blood is her wish (even if she has been duped into believing it's validity), it is still her wish.

    The reason I am writing this to you, is because I lost both of my parents: my mom, in 1977 on my 18th birthday, and my dad in 1988. I also underwent a lengthy and grueling illness with my son, who too almost died. What I learned was:

    It is the person dying whose wishes MUST be respected, regardless of what you think or feel.

    You see, we who live on, tend to do what seems to be best for US... so that we can continue living in relative peace. If we are against blood, etc., then we want the ill to respect OUR wishes and abstain. That is why the JWs are in the room in the first place. If we are not against it, or some other thing, then we want to ill to respect our wishes... and continue living... for OUR peace... irregardless of what such a decision may do to THEIR conscience... and continued quality of life. If they live, dear one, THEY have to live with their decisions, not us.

    What you might wish to consider doing then, is asking everyone to leave the room so that your mom can speak freely... and then asking HER what her desire is. Now, you might be tempted during this time to try and persuade her to change her belief, but I must ask you, would you be any different from those sitting the room forcing THEIR beliefs on her? It is her life; thus, it is her decision... right or wrong as it may be.

    Everyone one of us have certain desires that we wish to have respected and fulfilled when the time comes that we are in such a position. Some folks want to be buried; others cremated. Some want their ashes in an urn; others, scattered to the wind. And everyone of us here would give all that we had if we could know that such desires WOULD be carried out... just as WE wish them to be. But all too often, people get sick and/or die... and what THEY desired is completely, and sometimes utterly, disregarded. THAT, though, dear one, is NOT love. Love... does not look out for it's OWN interest, but does unto others as one would have done unto themself.

    So what if so-and-so wants his body kryogencially perserved? If he has the money, so be it. So what if so-and-so wants to buried on top of her husband so that they are 'together forever'? Biblically, folks made all kinds of requests: to have their bones returned to their homeland; to not be given drugs so as not to obscure the point of the issue, etc. And folks today have requests. They have a right to make them; such requests are theirs and should be respected.

    So, my dear, please... do not consider doing ANYTHING... other than what your mother wishes. And you must ask HER to determine that... and RESPECT her answer, whatever it may be. Even if you don't agree with it. It is, after all, her life.

    I bid you peace.

    Your servant and a slave of Christ,

    SJ

  • teenyuck
    teenyuck

    Mark,

    AGuest is correct. Your mother's wishes are the most important. Do you know what she wanted? If it is different than what you would do or believe, please think of the ramifications of trying to change her mind. She is very ill and might be open to suggestions she might not have been open to before she was very ill.

    I am sure you and she have had discussions on these issues. I hope so.

    The issues that remain unclear are why the witnesses are in her room, discussing her care with her doctors?! Again, I urge you to speak with the doctors alone and get them out! Unless she granted them legal rights to make medical decisions for her, you should tell them to butt out. There are legalities involved that the doctor should be respecting.

    "I used to be Snow White, then I drifted." Mae West

  • Lee Elder
    Lee Elder

    Very sorry to hear of your situation. This must be very difficult for
    you. You are certainly entitled to private time with your mom and even
    the most obnoxious JW can be helped to appreciate that. Simply tell them that you need to be alone with your mother and politely ask them to leave. If they refuse, speak with the head nurse or hospital administrator.

    Your mother's position on blood is unreasonable but you still must respect it. If a blood transfusion would significantly improve her chances to live six months or more you should consider enlisting the aid of her physician in the use of "non-interventional paternalism"
    as written extensively on by Dr. Osamu Muramoto, who is a medical advisor to the Associated Jehovah's Witnesses for Reform on Blood (AJWRB).

    You can find extensive resources for your mom, yourself and her physicians at www.ajwrb.org

    Additionally, you may contact me directly at:

    leeelder@ajwrb.org

    We may have a member in your country who can be of assistance.

    Best regards,

    Lee Elder

  • beepers
    beepers

    ((((Mark))))

    I am so sorry to hear about your mother.

    Amy

  • dungbeetle
    dungbeetle

    I was just about to ask if there was anybody there that could give telephone or even in-person support. Leeelder beat me to it...(((leeelder))).

    I wish you the best with your mother dear. You both are in my prayers.

    In 1975 a crack team of publishers was sentenced to death by a judicial commiteee. They promptly escaped from the cult and now live life on the run. If you have a problem ... and if you can find them ... maybe you can contact the A--postate Team"

  • LDH
    LDH

    Sniff Sniff....

    Mark, my compassionate side is telling my cynical side that you are NOT a troll. I hope not! We've been burned many times here, and about issues (like death, blood, child abuse).

    If you really do exist, I can only tell you to grow a backbone--and QUICK! AGuest is right, your mom's wishes do have to be respected but by the same token you are her family--boot those JWs out of the room when you are there!

    Lisa

  • Bang
    Bang

    I'm sorry for your loss Mark.
    Your christianity is shining a light on them.
    I can see it.

    Bang

  • sunscapes
    sunscapes

    Sorry to hear of your excrutiating time. I concur with many here, you got to fight against those who would claim your own flesh-and-blood mother as their own "spiritual family" and pressure her to refuse transfusions. I'm at a loss to say anything else except to reiterate how awful this erroneous doctrine is.

    Prayers and peace be with you.

  • Marilyn
    Marilyn

    Dear Mark, Getting a blood transfusion wouldn't save your mother now. So don't worry on that score. It might prolong her life, but it woudn't cure her. She is going to die happy in the belief that she's been faithful to her God. That's VERY important to her.

    However it's important that you get to share some private time with your mother. You can explain this to the Witnesses and ask them to BUTT out for a few hours (though you better put it nicely for your mothers sake). Tell them you have no intention of fighting the blood issue and that you want some private time with just you and your mother. No decent person would refuse you that. If they decline, tell them you are going immediately to telephone the newspapers to do a story about how unreasonable and inhumane Jehovah's Witnesses are. I know this works, coz I was never allowed to see my elderly JW parents until I threatened (in a yelling fit) to take their behavior to the newspapers. They backed off big time after that.

    Anyway, if they don't give you the time you request, you have the right to ask the hospital to stop all visitors but family. Hospitals will do that on request from family members, at least they do in Australia. Just stop them until you have spent the time you need with her, then let them back in. Basically Jehovah's Witnesses have nothing better to do, but poke their noses in other people's business and this is why they are intruding into your most difficult hours.

    I have to face this sometime in the future too, because my mother has invasive breast cancer and I'm a disfellowshipped Jehovah's Witness. Pls let us know how you get on. My heart goes out to you.

    Marilyn

  • orangefatcat
    orangefatcat

    Be Strong Mark you are not alone, my thoughts are with u during this difficult time.
    You have rights as you are the son and the hospital is under obligation to you to let you be in charge not the elders, who gives them or right to invade on personal family matters. When you are with your mum, tell them to buzz off as this is family matter and not any of their business. Tell the nurses and Doctors treating your mother that you don't want JWs invading your family privacy.
    Just a side thought, when my father an (elder) was dying from cancer he recieved a drug call "erthroprotien", it boost red blood cells.
    My father had to go throught Bethel , cause the doctors wanted to give him blood and all that, the society approves of this drug. Hope this helps a little.
    Be of courage and all the best.

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