Why did my old friend do this to our friendship? Please help me understand.

by mlj 34 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • mlj
    mlj

    Hello everyone! I am new here because I want to ask a question that my friend couldn't make me understand why. I hope your members can. My friend of over 16 yrs lives several states and 1,000 miles away from me. We talk on the phone 2-3 times a week on average. We lived together as roommates for over 3 yrs, I consider him my little brother and I am his big sister. We are (were) very close.

    I hadn/t heard from him in over 2 wks, despite my leaving 3 msgs and one text to call me. He finally called me and told me he couldn't talk to me any longer or be my friend, because I am "worldly", and he is studying to be a baptised Jehovah's Witness. He said I would be a bad influence on him and that is why he is not allowed to talk to me. I have never wrongly influenced him, in fact, he told me he has quit smoking due to his religion, and I have been trying to get him to quit for yrs. How is that a bad influence?

    Can someone pls explain this to me? He is/was my best friend and my heart is hurting bad. I cried all night.

    Thank you for any insight.

    Best regards, MLJ

  • fokyc
    fokyc

    Welcome to the forum 'mlj',

    This must come as a big shock to you; however this is standard Jehovah's Witness behaviour.

    This has happened to so many before you, how you can deal with it is difficult.

    I hope others will offer some ideas for you to follow.

  • blondie
    blondie

    Here are some comments from the Watchtower Society regarding non-jw friends or associates. No matter how you look at what they write, officially Jehovah's witnesses are "encourage" to stop and avoid all but the minimum contact with non-jws. Perhaps after he gets through the "holy" period and realizes after his baptism that no one in the congregation is interested in him any more, he may start calling again.

    *** w05 2/1 p. 17 par. 14 Pursuing the "Pearl of High Value" Today ***Millions of others around the world have responded to the Kingdom good news in a similar way. They have come out of the wicked world, put off their old personality, left their former associates, and given up their worldly pursuits. (John 15:19; Ephesians 4:22-24; James 4:4; 1 John 2:15-17) Why do they do all of this? Because they esteem the blessings of God’s Kingdom over and above anything that the present system of things can offer. Do you feel the same way about the Kingdom good news? Are you motivated by it to make the necessary changes to bring your life-style, values, and goals into harmony with what Jehovah requires? Doing so will result in rich blessings for you, now and in the future.

    *** w97 3/15 p. 26 Should Your Child Go to a Boarding School? ***This moral and spiritual decline is global, presenting a challenge to Jehovah’s Witnesses in living by Bible principles. Students who come home every day find that even their limited association with worldly schoolmates can exert a powerful negative influence on their spirituality

    *** w97 8/1 p. 11 pars. 9-10 Serving Loyally With Jehovah’s Organization ***In response to articles on this subject in the "Young People Ask . . ." series in Awake! magazine, one young woman wrote: "The articles were my life story." In secret, she had cultivated friendships with youths who had no love of Jehovah. The result? She writes: "My life went down to the bottom, and I got involved with immorality and had to be reproved. My relationship with Jehovah was damaged, and the trust from my parents and the elders was gone."

    This young woman got help from the elders and returned to loyal service to Jehovah. Tragically, though, many suffer worse consequences, and some never do return to the fold. How much better to be loyal and resist temptation in this wicked world! Heed the warnings from the Watchtower and Awake! magazines on such matters as worldly association and debasing entertainment

    *** w94 2/15 p. 23 Keep Your Distance When Danger Threatens ***Some Christians have gone astray by getting too involved in business activities, by cultivating close friendships with worldly associates, or by becoming emotionally attached to someone of the opposite sex when they are not free to marry.

    We must also be on guard against extended association with worldly people. Perhaps it is a neighbor, a school friend, a workmate, or a business associate. We may reason, ‘He respects the Witnesses, he leads a clean life, and we do talk about the truth occasionally.’ Yet, the experience of others proves that in time we may even find ourselves preferring such worldly company to that of a spiritual brother or sister. What are some of the dangers of such a friendship?

    Welcome to the board

  • yknot
    yknot

    I am sorry.

    I agree this is standard procedure in converting, unless you too are willing to 'convert'.

    Here is a link to the books your friend has been reading in the course of his conversions along with the 'baptismal prep' book.

    Study Book 1 (called Bible Teach) http://www.4shared.com/file/61585821/2da3a9aa/2005-WDTBRT-PDF1.html

    Study Book 2 (called God's Love) http://www.4shared.com/file/62479366/e9ccf7bd/2008_Keep_Yourselves_in_Gods_L.html

    Baptismal Prep (called ODbook) http://www.4shared.com/file/62479717/d683f930/2005_ODBook.html

    Current 'Congregational Study Book' http://www.4shared.com/file/194738317/32b6f357/2007-Come_Be_My_Follower_searc.html

    Theocratic Ministry School book http://www.4shared.com/file/185813088/47c78648/2001-Theocratic-School-Educati.html

    Current and next months 'Our Kingdom Ministry' (called KM) uploaded originally by Fokyc! It is the Britain version but is pretty much the same as the US except for the preaching statistics

    March http://www.sendspace.com/file/d2wb91

    April http://www.sendspace.com/file/o7go8p

    Here too is the 'Elder Manual' which is not available to the average JW and is certainly worthy of reading and sharing with your friend. http://www.4shared.com/file/62487460/676fa4ef/1991-Pay-Attention-Elders-Manu.html

    One of the dictates of the WTS is that JWs can't research the WTS with outside publications or commentary. Here is a clipping of the Sept 2007 "Our Kingdom Ministry' (an internal directive newsletter) that states the limitation... http://www.4shared.com/get/168189210/aaa5c172/2007_Sept_KM_QB.html

    Something has happened in his life that has drawn him to the JWs....... tragedy, longing for answers, or maybe a girl. Find out and begin reasoning. Ask what kind of group demands that type of loyalty. Ask him if he has researched the Witnesses, tell him

    The WTS is a cult....... and like all cults it is only through education can they be stopped.

    Here is some links to where you friend can find downloads of older publications. Maybe explain that you don't understand but want to and if they would be willing to 'study' with you........ afterall if your friend has really found 'truth' than surely they want to share it with you so that you too can be saved..... If you do the 'study' route tell them you will be open to the 'Bible Teach' only after yall study the 'founding' books. If the person rejects Russel (1874-1916), hone onto 'The Finished Mystery' as it is herald as the reason Jesus appointed the WTS as the 'faithful discreet slave'.

    http://www.archive.org/details/WatchTowerBibl...

    http://www.a2z.org/wtarchive/archive.htm

    poster 'Chasson' has a wonderful site : http://cchasson.free.fr/deposit/

    http://www.watchtowerdocuments.com/downloads/

    Make a point to make clear that you are their friend whether a JW or not.

  • mlj
    mlj

    Thanks for the replies. Wow! So much to take in, and I really know nothing about that religion. I just can't seem to wrap my simple mind around why a religion says we can no longer be friends, (which in the last five yrs has only consisted of talking on the phone). I met him in Cincy about 6 yrs ago, we had lunch, went antiquing, haven't seen him since. But I was planning a week vacation to drive down and see him and his brother, sisters, and niece. He told me not to come and don't call him again. He doesn't have a computer, so I guess I will just have to wait for him to contact me. Hopefully. I am going to try to read some of the links y'all provided, maybe that will help me understand. Thanks again.

    Best regards, Merry

  • LatinxJW
    LatinxJW

    Mlj

    I am really sorry that you have to deal with affects of this crap religion, but like some have stated this is normal when you start studying as a JW. You aren't they only one either, unless his family are or become witnesses they will be kicked to the curb as well. These are the beginning steps to isolating him from friends and family so he can more easily become emotionally dependant on the Watchtower organization.

    More than ever you need to show him how much you care about him, I would write to him and state that you would never be so cold to a friend. Since you have no choice in his decision you can only wish that if this were to happen that the very least thing he can do for you is to thoroughly research the Witnesses before he commits to baptism.

    Wish you the best

  • bohm
    bohm

    MLK: It is quite a difficult situation. If you want to help your friend, it may be a long haul.

    They are currently indoctrinating your friend. What they are trying to teach him is the following:

    1) FEAR: Jehovah are soon going to kill everyone who are not a JW (very rarely said explicitly, but allways implied. Your friend will deny this.

    2) PARANOIA: Satan is controlling everything that is not explicitly JW. Demons are lurking everywhere and they try to trick christians by using everything that is not a) going door to door, b) droning away in a kingdom hall. Its redicilous, but college, vecations, etc - its all part of Satans plan. Satan is especially lurking in information critical of the WTS, so they wont ever read that.

    3) DEPENDENCE: Because of 1 and 2, you should do whatever the WTS say and you might be saved. Dont be critical, dont be independent - its all a part of satans plan. They take pride in thinking and behaving the same way, and they have rules for all areas of life.

    Once this mindset is installed, its very difficult to get away from. Soon your friend will only have friends at the KH and he will be even more isolated. A very frustrating property of this mindset is that your friend will very likely react bad to critical information, even stuff they have printed themselves. It will only work to CONFIRM that satan is, indeed, trying to mess with him.

    If you want to get your friend out, you must primarely focus on psychology and not doctrine. Dont begin to fight with him, you cant win no matter how wrong he is. There are excelent articles on freeminds.org and i recommend the book 'Releasing the bonds' by Steven Hassan.

    If your friend really dont want to talk to you at all, perhaps your first step should be to adopt the attitude that you think it sound really interesting, and perhaps you want to study with them.

    As Yknot said, something has happened in his life since he is so eager to throw his friendships away for a cult. I think that should be step one - figure out why he is doing it right now. Releasing The Bonds has great tips on what to look for.

    ps.

    For your own sake - read some of the articles on jwfacts.com . But remember - if your friend is so far in he is ready to shun you, doctrine should be the LAST thing to discuss.

  • mlj
    mlj

    What is KH? And when you said "cult", that is what I was thinking.

  • LatinxJW
    LatinxJW

    KH = Kingdom Hall = Church = place of worship

  • zzaphod
    zzaphod

    KH would be Kingdom Hall.

    This behaviour is typical of a JW, especially one who is preparing to get baptized, as he will be going through a lot of hoops to prove himself "worthy" to be a Jehovah`s Witness.

    To the rest of the world, and never forget that includes 6 BILLION that aren`t Witnesses, you will be viewed as a kind, caring person, that I`m sure you are.

    Please bear in mind that it`s not you showing an unloving attitude.

    Rather, like a drug addict or an alcoholic, your friends behaviour has been changed by joining what many of us believe to be a dangerous and at the very least anti-social , so called religion.

    I hope things work out for you.

    All the best

    Paul UK

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