Quitting quickly is the best strategy if you can do it

gubberningbody

I've found the following:

1. The phone calls stop after about 9 months, then they just trickle.

2. You get an opportunity to mentally detox. This is not possible unless you quit drinking the koolaid.

3. You know you're going to leave, and guess what? They do too. Your plumage changes color and they'll start to peck

at you until you leave or your plumage changes back again.

4. You get to leave without them taking any more of your time than they already took. Stop putting any more money in that slot machine.

5. Join a non-religious social group of some kind so as to stay in touch with humanity. I always liked giving talks, so I joined Tooasmasters. It's geeky, but it doesn't look bad on your resume and a lot of different kinds of professional people are there.

One year later and the wounds scab over and you're moving on.

OnTheWayOut

While it doesn't work for everyone, for the most part and in the long run, you are correct.

Family may not shun a member who just stopped attending or they may shun someone no matter what they do. That means it may not do much damage to relations to just walk away OR it may get you out of there faster since there wasn't much to do to save family relations.

Sooner or later, those that want to quit by any method have to face the possibility of phone calls/hounding. The "rip off the bandage in one quick pull" method is sometimes best.

I did a lightning fast fade by most standards, from elder to total fade in less than 8 months. But looking back, I wish I walked away all at once fading instantly instead of fading fast.

Your number 5, each person is different, but stay involved in something somehow. I attend ex-JW meetups and AA meetings. I would like to do more politically, but have to keep the fade to keep relations with my JW mother. I may join book discussions or just go to the gym more often.

gubberningbody

Feb 28th last year I turned in my resignation letter as an elder, and two weeks later was the last meeting. No memorial, no answering the phone, the door, emails or anything else. People tried my work number, the door, leaving manipulative phone messages (which I refused to listen to...my wife did that because she can listen to that crap and it doesn't phase her).

It's amazing how quickly your eyes can open up. I remember praying about it and knowing that the answer was ...

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own soul, he cannot be my disciple. 27 Whoever is not carrying his torture stake and coming after me cannot be my disciple. ... 33 Thus, you may be sure, none of YOU that does not say good-bye to all his belongings can be my disciple." Lk. 14:26-33

For both of us it was a matter of personal integrity to leave. We thought about making a big noise, but realized that it would make a greater impact if we just simply left.

wobble

I walked away from my last Meeting almost 2 years ago ,25th March 2008 I think it was, thereabouts anyway.

This worked out well for me, the Congo did nothing for 6 months, and only then 'coz I said too much to a "Bro" who promised not to pass on what I had said, and promptly told the Elders. Got the 2 Elder visit, dealt with them as per advice from the good folks here on JWN, and they did nothing and have not come back.

My family then tried 'phone calls, and letters, and dialogue, but that was easily handled.

I now relate to my family as any non-Witness relative would, and greet old friends from the Dubs as normal, but just talk about them and mutual friends, no religion.

I think this has worked out well for me, but as soon a my 90 year old Mum is no longer with us I am going to get much more pro-active in anti-Dub stuff, in an effort to stop new recruits from making the error. Such action will probably get me DF'd, but that will just help the campaign.

Love

Wobble

carpediem

I agree with all you say. I left suddenly, whilst still a reg pioneer. that was at the beginning of last summer. The thought of leaving and all my worries were much worse than the reality.

WTWizard

I kept giving them false hope. Between 1996 (when I started blowing off boasting sessions) and 2005 (when I pulled the plug), I pulled stunts like alternating congregations in an unpredictable way, and then missing boasting sessions altogether. I went to just enough boasting sessions to keep them appeased, and to waste their time worrying about me (and giving them false hope that maybe I would start doing more again). This also confused them as to whose job it was to hound me.

Sort of like slowly boiling frogs. A whole Kingdumb Hell full of frogs--gradually increasing the number of boasting sessions I just plain blow off, and decreasing the total field circus (quantity and quality). It did a pretty good job of confusing them, and hopefully wasting their resources so other problems would develop in the congregation and not be handled.

dissed

It was easier for us, and this is what I would recomend if possible. Move away, far away.

We accepted a business opportunity 120 miles away, just as we were thinking of leaving. We had to move quickly on the job, so we left with very little notice. I visited the PO and told him we were leaving in a few days.

Then we didn't get involved in the new congregation. A few visits by the Elders at first, became a visit only when the CO was in town.

Yes, I know this would be difficult for most, but after reading others experiences here, and how they had to tough it out, we had it pretty easy compared to most.

JWoods

Of course, the real issue here is how much JW family involvement there is. Once you know they lied to you, it is over mentally.

The quick cut may still be best even in that case - they usually end up whatever way they would end up if you just leave intead of fading.

BurnTheShips

I did a quick fade.

I had to move away to do it.

BTS

Quitting quickly is the best strategy if you can do it

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