Wanted to say thanks to everyone for their comments and insight. (sorry if that sounds like the end of a WT study) I was wiggin out last night. Really thought I was going to snap. Right now I'm at work getting ready to go to lunch, and I feel so much better.
Babygirl-I watch wayyy tooo many crime movies. I've always been way too fascinated with drug dealing.
Onthewayout and Wheelwithinthewheel, its coming. I don't know if its this year or not, but its coming. The fallout is what makes me hesitant. I don't ever want to sound like I'm tooting my own horn, but it would be shocking to quite a few if I don't plan this right. I can say 50% of the hall I can do without, but the other half I do have some emotional investments with. It would hurt me, to hurt them. Obviously that goes without saying in regards to my family much more. Wheel, my attitude has already displayed itself a couple times at the Hall. I had to reevaluate my mannerisms and speech. We had a Pioneer who was moving across the Country to "serve where the need is great." So a group photo was taken, and I was desperately trying to get out of the hall, when they called me over to be apart of the photo. So I joined in, and some little girl noticed my demeanor, and said in front of everybody, "Misery, smile." It was almost as if someone spilled cold water on me as i was sleeping when it resonated. Or being caught with my pants down. So I smiled, and made a note to myself, to smile more often. Some days it just becomes too difficult though.
Blondie it might be cognitive dissonance. I bought a book on Epictetus and Stoikism, and its helped tremendously. I'm learning about how to evaluate impressions and emotions, and how to recognize whats beyond my limitations and how to act accordingly. As evident by this thread I still have quite some way to go. I meant to mention in your last WT thread, I hope and pray your health gets better.
TJLibre thats hilarious. It fits too. It amazes me that in their attempt to imitate 1st Century Christians activity, they missed the point. Paul said to, "go on encouraging one another as the day draws near." For one thing Paul thought "the day" was coming in his day. Maybe it did happen in "his day", and what we've been doing for the past century is all for naught. I wonder. In the meantime, our meetings are not encouraging. Rarely do I feel that I've gained anything from attending. Theres times I'm conducting a study, or delivering a 1/2 hour discourse and it feels like Deja Vu. I think I'm developing mental problems as a result. The thing is, most people don't need to sit somewhere going over some chapter in a poorly written book for a half hour for encouragement. Think about it.......we study the lesson the night before. The Reader reads the paragraphs. The Conductor asks the questions, with half the answer within the question. Someone answers the question. All of this is done with microphones for amplified results. Thats NOT encouragement. That's indoctrination. Thats reinforcement. Thats memory training which may stamp the information in the brain, but it does very little for the figurative heart other than "weigh it down". By the way you may know me. We very well may have crossed paths. I'm a fan of a team in the AFC that was successful within the past decade.
LifeisTooshort I don't know what your present situation is like, but its nice when you realize the problem isnt you. Sometimes I don't even know if its them? Its this whole culture of JWism placing importance on organizational matters as opposed to love. Love for God and Neighbor have been downplayed into stat sheets. Field service time, placements, your publisher record card, meeting attendance, peak publishers, bible studies, it all starts to look like the back of baseball cards after a while. So your never actually playing the game as much as your compiling, collecting, and monitoring your stats. So there is no time for actual affection or displaying genuine love because your too busy playing your role as an Elder, Pioneer, Elder's wife ( I don't know how women tolerate that), Publisher, etc.. Then you take into the social dynamics of a congregation, and if you don't fit in with certain social clicks, your a misfit. Ironic isnt it, your treated as a misfit, by people who are considered misfits by most other people who live normal lives today. Then the oppressive misfit class can't understand when you don't want to be apart of this toxic culture anymore. Laughable if it wasnt so tragic.
MeetingJunkie- thanks I try to post when i can, just too busy. Way too busy. I post at work or later in the evening when at home if I have nothing going on. But thank you.
Thanks to all for your input. The next few months, I'm gonna need it.
