Introducing my self

by WasOnceBlind 19 Replies latest jw experiences

  • WasOnceBlind

    I stumbled upon this site about a week ago while googling a question. The question was "why can't JW's have beards?" I read the responses and realized the truth in them.

    A little bit about my self: I was not born in, my dad first converted when I was about 6 yrs old. Before that we were "catholic" althought I dont remember ever setting foot in a church. At the time my parents were seperated because my dad had moved for work reasons. After about 2 years we moved back with my Dad and he arranged for my mom to get a study and for me and my sibling to as well. I didn't think anything of it, the story book (the yellow one) was not bad for a kid. It wasn't until I started studying the other book, the red one (I forget the name) that I started thinking -WTF, some of this doesn't make sense or it's so confusing to where you just want to get thru that chapter and be done with it. My dad became super dedicated to "the truth" and super strict. We wouldn't miss a meeting, corners at 6 sat/sunday and family study 2 hrs long and personal study 2 hrs long every week. It got old fast! I was not allowed to play sports in school because it took away time from meetings and preparing for meetings and personal study and family study and preaching. This really pissed me off because there were kids of elders that were in sports, I would tell my dad and he wouldn't give a reason other then it's was discouraged by the organization. That's about the time I started noticing the hypocrisy within the organization. Another issue was the microphone issue, in the congregation Mic duties were usually given to male teenagers, as long as you were a publisher in ok standing you got to pass around the mic. Well I wasn't allowed to pass mic's, at the time I was in the country illegally and so I was told I could not hold any privileges, I failed to see what one had to do with the other, but the main problem was how others started seeing me. Since I was a teenage male publisher and I wasn't passing out mic's or having other privileges or even allowed to give the number 3 part then I was obviously a BAD witness in the eyes of others, why else would I not be allowed. I remember one day asking an elder, why am I not allowed to give a part number 3, he straight out told me, that part is reserved for witnesses with a future within the organization. Jesus talked about love and even loving your enemies but all I saw and herd was hypocrisy and hate. Hate the world and anyone not in the organization! I remember one time my dads brother, my uncle who he hadn't seen in maybe 15 years came to visit with my grandma (also a JW). My uncle use to be a JW and had DA'd himself, well when he showed up my dad wouldn't even shake his hand. I was like, wtf, Jesus said love your enemy and you can't even show love to your own brother just because he use to be a JW and didn't want to be one anymore? My dad would always be talking about how Jehovah didn't want anyone serving him just because they felt like the were being forced to. So I asked my dad why he wouldn't even talk to my uncle, he said that because my uncle turned his back on Jehovah, so I asked my dad if he would rather have my uncle be fake and stay in the organization even thought he didnt believe in it. All he could answer is that since he was DA it was like if he was DF and he should be shunned out of love to make him see the error of his ways. After a while every time I would go to meetings I would spend more time reading and doing research on my own and realizing a lot of the stuff was BS. The bible was only quoted when it was convenient and context was almost never taken into account. Thru growing up the doctrine taught was the "this generation shall not pass" doctrine. What BS that turned out to be! Anyway's it wasn't until after HS that I really started to fade and lead a double life, I would still go to meetings and assemblies but mostly just to be able to talk to friends and check out girls. Eventually I started dating a non JW secretly, we got engaged in secret, I did not tell my parents until a month before my wedding. "Hey btw Im engaged, this is my fiance and we are getting married in a month", it was so awkward. Of course my dad called the elders, a JC was created, I wasn't DF'ed because I hadn't actually done anything but was told either dump my fiance or be publicly censored. I told them I wasn't going to dump her so I got censored. Even after marriage I would still occasionally go to meetings mostly with the purpose of keeping up with friends, after a while thought I stopped going altogether except for maybe a day for District assembly and Jesus death commemoration. My parents are always asking when Im going to start going to meetings again and how I should take my wife and kids, I dont have the heart to tell them that I don't believe in what the organization says anymore and sometime just want to ask them how they do. All these failed prophecies, all the hypocrisy, how anyone can still believe is beyond me. It's been 8 years since I faded away and Im happy to say that I am happy.

  • FayeDunaway

    Hi oncewasblind! Welcome and you are like me, who never fully embraced the whole thing. I guess we're just too observant :). Congrats on having your own life!! But I know it's tough that your family is under their control and you feel so far away from them. I have that problem too. But having your own immediate family out of it is a huge blessing.

    You studied the live forever book. Which I basically know by heart, since my mother was a pioneer and had a million studies out of it that I had to sit through. :)

    i stumbled upon this site a couple of months ago after researching 'jw's and 1914/2014'... I wanted to see if they had changed their stance on 1914 since i's been over a hundred years (lol)....but nope, they are still! dragging it out.

  • cappytan

    WasOnceBlind: Welcome! Great story. Glad you are happy!

    FayeDunaway: The red book he was referring to may have also been the "Your Youth - Getting the Best Out Of It"

  • WasOnceBlind
    Yeah it was the Live Forever book, I remember studying that book and the Apocalypse booked made me ask more questions then get answers....but of course asking questions is a big no no.
  • Gone and forgotten
    Gone and forgotten

    Welcome WOB!

    Enjoyed reading your story. I look forward to reading your future posts.

  • Crazyguy
    Welcome, and yes the hypocrisy of this cult is mind blowing, not to mention if Jesus did come back he would tell Witnesses 'get the he'll away from me'
  • DesirousOfChange

    It's been 8 years since I faded away and Im happy to say that I am happy.

    The greatest revenge is living a happy and successful life!


  • gone for good
    gone for good

    Welcome WasOnceBlind -

    Glad to hear your life is happy and that you have the love of your wife and little family. Your kids will have a much better raising than you had. Congratulations on leaving.

  • Village Idiot
    Village Idiot

    Welcome WasOnceBlind,

    Don't know if you've read anything on the Witnesses but I highly recommend Crisis of Conscience (pdf) to show you how the Watchtower treats even those who are in a high position.

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite


    All these failed prophecies, all the hypocrisy, how anyone can still believe is beyond me.

    If they're like many of the JWs I know, they are so personally invested in the cult that they couldn't possibly admit that it's a fraud, walk away, and live their lives without Watchtower.

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