ALTERNATE WORD MEANINGS
The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which
readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for
various words. The following were some of this year's
winning entries:
1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight
you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a
flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you
absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you
up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor
assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines
you.
13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation
with Yiddish expressions.
14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer
shorts.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you
die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
closer