JW mom has limited contact with me these days

by SnakesInTheTower 9 Replies latest jw friends

  • SnakesInTheTower
    SnakesInTheTower

    My mom has been a JW since 1970. My dad, who died in 1994, became a dub in 1971. I have told parts of that story elsewhere on the board.

    My mom remarried a couple of years later to a non-JW. My stepfather and I get along very well, despite his background (cussin', former Hell's Angel, former Navy Seal, smoker)...generally quite rough..but underneath a decent guy.

    I just called down to my mom's today...about 11am... stepdad answers.... where is my mom? He says: "Out doing her thing..." I say: "Oh, you mean door knocking?" He says: "Yeah." I ask him how much she does that....he tells me 4 or 5 hours a day...4 or 5 days a week. Understand...she is not pioneering in any form whatsoever.... yet, she prefers to spend her retirement time driving around rural Alabama to spending it with her husband? Wasting time and gas...and right now, they don't have the money to waste... unlike when he had a good job and worked lots of OT... he is retired, pension and disability....she gets a small social security payment (because, foolishly, she took it at 62 instead of waiting).... and they have two mortgages to pay because the market tanks in South Florida....to the point my stepdad no longer has any equity in the house.... and they cant sell it.....

    so my mom is burning up gas, wear and tear on the car, etc...in field circus.... my step dad resents it...he just says he does whatever he wants.... he knew she was a JW when they met...but I dont think he realized the implications of a JW with lots of free time on their hands combined with nothing else to do and a weird zeal for it....

    .... so that is what my JW mom is doing with her time. I called her a week ago...... because she rarely calls me..... and I let her know my fiancee wants to talk to her soon...my fiancee is nervous about meeting my mom because of the whole JW thing...she is afraid my mom is going to blame her for turning her son (me) away from the witnesses.....

    ...and to be honest, despite my mom saying its not true.... I wonder. And she has yet to call and talk to my fiancee (other than saying hello over the speakerphone when I am talking)..... My mom and step dad have not met my fiancee....

    I guess ....with all my rambling... I resent, as does my step dad.... my mom wasting so much time in door knocking and not enough time working on family relationships. She goes and sees my non JW brother (who lives 4 hours away)...and talks to my other non JW brother on the phone more .... but my step dad says she doesnt hold it against them for not being JWs because they were never baptized and I was....

    ....so she doesnt like me living with a girl without being married....and everything that entails.... she has said it would be an untenable situation if she still lived near me... but living 12 hours away...she can bury her head in the sand.

    .....sigh...... I am just venting..... thanks for reading.... my dear fiancee should be home shortly....maybe we have an hour alone before getting the 8YO from school...

    Snakes (Rich )

  • snowbird
    snowbird
    My mom remarried a couple of years later to a non-JW.

    Maybe she's trying to make up for this by being extra zealous in FS?

    I've seen it happen.

    ...with all my rambling ...

    You ramble very well!

    Sylvia

  • PrimateDave
    PrimateDave

    I feel for you, Rich. Both my parents are retired now. Being Witnesses is literally their whole life now. Both pioneer, and my Dad's an elder, which is his new full time "job." At least we're on relatively good terms despite my current inactivity, but that is only because I'm not doing anything to offend their moral principles.

    Don't let it get you down.

  • zoiks
    zoiks

    I feel you, man. My parents are also stepping up their "activity" as they age. They are also starting to distance themselves from me. I'm sorry for what you're going through - it is altogether too common, but always hard.

  • mrsjones5
    mrsjones5

    I feel for you too Snakes. My parents have also recently ramped up their jw zeal, my father is pioneering (which in my opinion he shouldn't be doing cuz he has a bum leg, a bad back, and diabetes). Now that we're back in California all of a sudden we're now "you people" instead of family. My mother wants me to "comunicate" more but that's just code talk for wanting to know all my business and being judgemental. A part of me regrets coming back.

  • sspo
    sspo

    I feel for you but it's always the same, double standards and mistreating those that made the mistake of getting baptized.

    Get close to your stepdad and forget your mother. It's a loosing battle dealing with a brainwashed mind!

  • dinah
    dinah

    Maybe you should tell your Mom you regret getting baptised because you are shunned and your brothers are not. That's the only difference, you were baptised, they were not--but none of you believe the crap.

    I feel for you. My Mom has stepped up her field circus time too. They must have thrown a huge guilt trip on the rank and file lately.

  • choosing life
    choosing life

    I hope things get better between you and your mom. Maybe when she finally meets your fiance and sees how happy she makes you, she will be happy for you. Always hated the baptism rule for shunning. It is so hypocritical.

  • mimimimi
    mimimimi

    So sorry to hear this, Rich. It is too bad your mom is so brainwashed. I feel sympathy for your stepfather, too. Your mom has no idea how uncaring toward her husband it is to spend all this time in field circus instead of spending time with him. Of course, the borg teaches them to be uncaring.

    Hang in there. And tell Toni life is too short to worry about other people's issues. Even if your mom blames her in some way, you both know the truth. And you had left before you and Toni got together.

  • SnakesInTheTower
    SnakesInTheTower

    d:

    Maybe you should tell your Mom you regret getting baptised because you are shunned and your brothers are not

    that is a good idea...I do regret it...and it seems to me one of my parents thought that at age (almost) 17, I was still too young/immature to make the decision...but didnt stop me....

    cl:

    Maybe when she finally meets your fiance and sees how happy she makes you, she will be happy for you.

    mom has talked to toni once on the phone briefly and they have the same warped sense of humor. We are hoping to get together with family easter weekend down in georgia....I hope my mom is good to her...I think she will be...but the dub factor is always an unknown. Toni and hunter and I are staying in a hotel when we go down.... both because hunter wants to play in a pool...and toni and I want to sleep in the same bed without hurting mom's feelings any more than they already will be.

    mimi:

    And tell Toni life is too short to worry about other people's issues. Even if your mom blames her in some way, you both know the truth. And you had left before you and Toni got together.

    i know...I tell her this all the time... the way she grew up and the way her adult life has been up until now... insecurity ...I thought I was insecure.... I think it is why we understand each other so well..... and why we are good for each other...we both know how much we need reassurance and give it to each other generously.

    anyone who has seen me and toni together know how much we love each other... we are hoping to get married in May.... I am taking her out to dinner Saturday night....I need to find some flowers...orchids this time...not roses...she loves orchids...(but says dont spend money on flowers....riiiiiighhhht...lol).... dont know if we are going to a movie or to listen to music....play it by ear...

    Snakes (Rich )

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