The JW Cookbook (joke)

by highdose 2 Replies latest social humour

  • highdose

    Page 1:

    Householder gobstoppers: These easy to make gobstoppers are excellent for the deicated JW! Simply pop one in to the HH's mouth and you will be able to preach at them for as long as you like without them telling you to go away or indeed pointing out that your belives are wrong.

    Pompous Elder dumplings: The beauty of these thick dense dumplings is that the are easily made from very cheap ingredeiants. They stuck up all the tasty bits from any stew, swelling in size until they fill the whole pot! The only downside is that when prodded they instantly fall apart.

    Windbag CO Soup: This thick soup is a handy way of recycling any old ingrediants that you may have lying around in the fridge. The large quanties of baked beans in it mean that you will soon be tooting hot air with the best of them!

    Armargeddon Sprinkles: These sprinkles take a long time to make, tend to stink out the kitchen untill you could swear you were cooking 7 course banquette in there. It can therefore be somtimes disapointing to find out their extremly small size. however they are very handy to keep in the store cupboard and sprinkle a few on the dinner of anyone who shows signs of tiring out.

    Hope you enjoyed that!

    Your turn....

  • Mickey mouse
    Mickey mouse


    New World Diner

    Welcome to NEW WORLD FOOD and "SPIRITS"


    Shrimp Creole
    Trinitarian Roast with Great crowd gravy
    Torture Steak with Awake! flavor enhancer
    Governing Body Kabobs (with real meat, in due season, of course!
    Jehovah Gyros
    Filet of No Sole
    Chicken ala Kingdom
    Elder Burgers
    Wild Beast Stew Gilead Goulash Book Study Surprise Good News Bologna Last Days Lasagna Millennium Bean" Cassoulette Baked and Basted Crow APPETIZERS

    Society Soup
    Little "g" Salad (with 144,000 Island Dressing and Christendom Croutons
    Big "G" Salad (with Headquarters Cheese and Anointed Salad Dressing Evil Slave Salad with End of the World Salad Dressing District hors'douvres No Hell Hummus Je-hoagies

    Russell Potato Chips
    Rutherford Rolls (Royce)
    No Cross Buns made with Miracle Wheat
    Franz Fries
    Retried Human Beans
    Spicy Gehenna Chili
    Passed Over Memorial Bread Leo Greenpeas Field Ministry Fondue Ministerial serviettes Territorial Toast with UN Jam Rank & File Weenies Lake of Fire chili DESSERTS

    Pioneer Upside-down Cake
    Arch Angels Food Cake
    Beth Sarim Ice Cream: 3 flavors: Abraham, Isaac and Jacob
    Apostate Pops
    Pagan Pudding
    Date Bread Surprise
    Prophet in a Sense Cakes Everlasting Life Cookies Humble Pie Ministry melon wedges
    Partaker's Pumpernickel Holy Spirit Spumoni Marshmallows (for toasting in the fires of destruction) Antichrist cheesecake BEVERAGES

    1925 Shun Shine Punch
    1914 Watchtower Rose'
    New Light Beer Life's Water Free Babylon the Grape juice "Elderberry" wine Vengeance is Lime mojitos
  • highdose

    thanks mickey,lol!

    heres another...

    nerotic hypocondriatc health drink for JW's: Take one brand new saucepan and sterilse. Boil 4 litres of mineral water for a minium of 24 hours in order to make sure that every bug is killed. Add Sterilser and boil again. Freeze liquid for 1 week to kill any of the bugs that survied the heat. Defrost and the boil for a further 45 mins whilst reciting the answers to all the baptisuim questions ( note if any questions are missed or any answers wrong you will need to throw it all away and start again) Finaly decant into sterilsed water glass, add heavy sprinkling of shredded watchtower to stop the demons getting in. Drink. Throw away the saucepan and glass and use another brand new one for the next time.

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