Dubs at the Door

by Farkel 21 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Farkel

    Knock, knock...

    HH (Householder): Yes? May I help you?

    Dub1: Good morning. We are working with a group of your neighbors today sharing some Christian good news about the future. Would you like to know what that good news is?

    HH: You're not Mormons are you?

    Dub1: No, we are not.

    Dub2: Yeah.

    HH: Well, good. I grew up around them Mormons and boy are they weird. Did you know that they claim that only they are the true religion and that their religious leader speaks personally for God? Isn't that totally arrogant?

    Dub1: It sure is!

    Dub2: Yeah.

    HH: They also have 12 other leaders called "Apostles" who determine what they must believe and what they cannot believe. My cousin was a Mormon missionary and all he he did was question some of the stuff they teach and you know what they did him?.

    Dub1: What?

    Dub2: Yeah.

    HH: They kicked him out of the religion, excommunicated him, that's what! They call it "disfellowshipping." All he did was ask for some reasonable explanations for their teachings and practices. Don't you think that was a pretty cruel thing to do for just asking questions?

    Dub1: Definitely.

    Dub2: Yeah.

    HH: You bet it was. My cousin was born and raised in that religion and went on a 2 year mission starting when he was eighteen. That's another thing that bothers me about those Mormons. My cousin said that if you don't go out preaching full time as soon as you graduate from High School, they all look down on you like you are some sort of failure. How can they judge people like that?

    Dub1: They shouldn't. It sounds to me like they are a very judgemental bunch of people and it's due to their false religion. Only God can judge people, not humans.

    Dub2: Yeah.

    HH: Yeah. Did you know they forbid you to marry anyone but a Mormon and you have to get married in their Church, but ONLY if you are in perfect standing with the Church? What right do they have to do that?

    Dub1: They sound like control freaks to me.

    Dub2: Yeah. .

    HH: The leaders of their various local Churches are just regular Mormons who have worked their way up into the job. They don't get paid, but they don't have any special training or education to counsel people with their problems, especially when they have marital or mental problems. But they have the power to discipline people and even kick them out of the religion.

    Dub1: Boy, I wouldn't want to be a part of THAT religion.

    Dub2: Yeah.

    HH: Not only that, but did you know that they have CLASSES of members? Only the best of them get to go to Heaven in what they call the "Celestial Kingdom." Those guys get a whole planet to rule over for eternity. The other class which consists of not-so-good Mormons and others have to live for eternity as humans on earth in the "Terrestrial Kingdom" and be ruled by the elite members in Heaven. Jesus never taught that junk.

    Dub1: Obviously, they are very wrong and misguided, probably by Satan the Devil.

    Dub2: Yeah.

    HH: Joseph Smith made several prophecies which he said came directly from God and what he prophesied never happened!

    Dub1: Well, the Bible tells us that such people are false prophets and we shouldn't listen to them.

    Dub2: Yeah.

    HH: Did you know that they interpreted an Egyptian document to be a Biblical story and later it was deciphered to be nothing more than an Egyptian story?

    Dub1: That shows how false they are. Anyone who uses anything created by the Pagan Egyptians to point to the Bible is definitely under the influence of Satan.

    Dub2: Yeah.

    HH: They have their own books which they say you have to read to fully understand the Bible, as if the Bible isn't good enough for us. Why should I use their books when I have my Bible?

    Well, thank you for listening and good luck with your ministry. I'm happy with my faith, but thanks for stopping by, anyway. May God bless you!

    Dub1, walking away: Boy, those Mormons are sure screwed up, aren't they? And so is that stupid householder who is too stubborn to listen to our message and now must die at Armageddon.

    Dub2. Yeah.


  • GLTirebiter

    Another Farkel classic! Thanks, now I've had my smile for the evening. Please keep them coming!


  • dudeson

    Good reading material here! Hats off to 'Dub2'.

  • TD

    LOL... Priceless!

  • Marvin Shilmer
    Marvin Shilmer


    I just lost it onto my keyboard!

    You are messed up.

    Marvin Shilmer

  • Will Power
    Will Power

    Oh Farkel

    you so funny

  • yknot


    .......that was too funny!

  • dissed

    Classic Farkel

  • milola

    Gosh it makes me wish I could print that out for my folks to find. Very funny.

  • mama1119

    I can't wait for them to come to my door now. i want to use some of those lines!

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