CATHOLIC GOLF Catholic or not you have to laugh at this one.

by finallysomepride 6 Replies latest social humour

  • finallysomepride

    A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off
    and enjoying a round of golf.

    The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing.
    He missed the ball entirely and said "Shit, I missed."

    The good Sister told him to watch his language.

    On his next swing, he missed again. "Shit, I missed."

    "Father, I'm not going to play with you if you keep swearing,"
    the nun said tartly..

    The priest promised to do better and the round continued.

    On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment followed.

    Sister is really mad now and says, "Father John, God is
    going to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that."

    On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again.
    "Shit, I missed."

    A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes
    out of the sky and strikes Sister Marie dead in her tracks.

    And from the sky comes a booming voice .

    "Shit, I missed."

  • finallysomepride

    SILENT FART An elderly couple are attending church services.

    Almost halfway through, she writes a note and hands it to her husband.

    It says, "I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"

    He scribbles back, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

  • finallysomepride


    Don't know if this is just a coincidence but....

    2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia

    2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing

    2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs around the globe.

    Has any one else noticed this?

    It gets worse........

    Next year.......

    2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong?

  • finallysomepride

    The Meaning of LifeOn the first day, God created the dog and said:'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

    The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'
    So God agreed.

    On the second day, God created the monkey and said: 'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'

    The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'
    And God agreed..

    On the third day, God created the cow and said:
    'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'
    The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'
    And God agreed again.

    On the fourth day, God created man and said:
    'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give
    you twenty years.'
    But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty,the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'
    'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

    So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone..

    Life has now been explained to you.

    There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service.

  • JimmyPage

    Well they made me laugh.

  • Open mind
    Open mind

    ( Blasphemous Golf Joke follows. )

    If you're on a golf course and get caught in a thunder storm what should you do?

    Grab a 1 Iron and hold it above your head.


    'Cause even GOD can't hit a 1 Iron!

  • finallysomepride

    for 'in'

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