Witness memory #2332
Shitting out a shitty talk while shitting on the pot.
The "desperate 28 year old virgin"...
I knew her, not 'biblically' you understand, yes, we ALL knew her.
second sentence out of her mouth after just meeting you for the first time was: "Oh yes, I hope to get married one day, if Jehovah wills it".
Meanwhile her eyes are sliding over your six pack belly, oozing down sizing up your crotch.
Same girl right?
Didnt she end up marrying Bill?
You remember Bill.
Dandruff all over his jacket shoulders, like hed just passed through a snowstorm, basin haircut, pants legs halfway up his shins.He always had part of his lunch clinging desperately to his lip,hanging in there.
yeah, they both live with his 99 year old mother now.
Oh gosh, I wish I had that easy writing talks, but OH NO!
WE had to have a THEME
a SeTTING, while a the same time, making it believable
it had to be a householder preferably, not just another sister you wree chatting with...
You had to wrry about what you were going to wear, how you would fix your hair, AND
Not fall off the stage from your knees shaking, while wearing heels..
But, then again, I never did have to give a talk on masturbation...
Was it just in my hall, or did they always give the talks on the Song of Solomon, and masterbation to the geekiest MS in the hall, you know, the one's with the horn rimmed glasses and bad suits....the one who was the eternal bachelor, who lived and breathed service.....how he would sweat and toil over the word....MMmamam....mamama...mmmmmmasterabtion!.....oh how the old ladies and young men would cringe in agony, while the elders sat with totally amused looks on their faces........
ah, the memories!
ok you guys, you did... I am peeing all over myself! :D
Those descriptions were so right on the mark that I have to wonder if we all went to the same congregation?!
We had Bill and the 28 yo virgin in our cong too.. except you forgot to mention that while they lived with their 99 yo mother, they were also faithful regular pioneers.. getting no less than 100 hours a month each! They NEVER EVER had children. If you ever invited them to a gathering, they would be the first ones with a Boggle game in their arms and get all giddy while they yelled out,"okay everyone, lets see how many Bible words we can find!"
Believe me, I knew them. I studied with her for over 2 boring years!
****I always thought the brothers had a much easier job.. all they had to do was read scriptures and hardly tie in a subject when us sisters had to have a householder, have a setting, tie in a problem and try to solve it with scriptures all in 5 minutes.****
hhaaa kinda sounds like a mini Star Trek show
"Injustice will continue until those who are not affected by it are as outraged as those who are."
Do you have these stories organized into any sort of collection?
I would be interested in reading the complete works.
I read a lot (literally 1000's of books), and I am about half done writing
my own book (one chapter has actually been published), and I have
to say that some of your stories are better than many of the published
books I have read.
I also think that many of them, such as the above story, could appeal
to non-Witnesses. They have a human appeal that transcends the
setting of the Kingdom Hall. If you formatted them into a bit of a
thread, basing them around a fictional character, and used the JW
lifestyle as nothing more than the setting, you could widen the appeal
of the book.
I think there would be considerable interest in reading about the inside
life of a JW, as long as the book does not become preachy, either on
the positive or negative side.
Give it some thought. I would be happy to read your stuff and offer
I used to hear the exact same thing for the talks that I used to write in 10 minutes before the meeting.
Straight G's and always "if I closed my eyes, you sounded just like an elder".
Slipnslidemaster:"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is."
- Jan L.A. van de Snepscheut
Ah yes, Naeblis,
some of the most brilliant material comes from the crapper.
once I gave a subsitute talk without even having read the bible reading first! Not the whole thing at least.
I just knew roughly the topic, said a few words, sat down.
This was in the back school of course.
he he he
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." Edmund Burke