our written communications class has ended
as of yesterday and some of the peeps i had
met headed out for some holiday cheer(s)!
i volunteered to be the designated driver
oooooooooooooooooooooooo kay!!!!
there is something about being the
sober observer of people intentionally
setting out to get drunk and accomplishing
their mission with enthusiasm and very
little in the way of reservation....
i WILL give kudos to everyone for making
their arrangements in advance to be what
was the much bandied about term of being
"responsibly irresponsible" which btw got
horribly mangled about the 2nd hour into
the festivities.... and things were getting notty....
the notty bits were the smutty jokes, and the boob job
and the "look at MY tattoo" episodes as well as the unbelievably
prevalant dropping of the "F-bomb" with no regard to volume or
proximity of other patrons....
two of the funniest jokes:
husband says to wife: i will give you $1000 if you
can say one sentence that makes me both glad and sad....
she put out her hand to receive the money and said:
your d!ck is definitely bigger than your brother's.....
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an office manger had to release one of his employees due to
the declining economy, but both jack and jill were good employees
with similar seniority.... he ultimately decided that the next day,
he would fire whomever it was that went to the water cooler first
jill came into the office after a night of heavy drinking and was
dehydrated so the first thing she did was head to the water cooler...
the boss approached her and said "jill, i am going to have to lay you
or jack off...." and before he got any further she said,"could you just
jack off? i have a killer headache." ( SEE where dangling modifiers lead??!)
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then there was the boob job.... got to see it, declined to touch it, but
have to admit the girls looked right perky!!!
and the tattoos.... a total tramp stamp modified with the names
of the children, some kind of celtic trefoil design weirdly placed on
the abdomen off center close to the hip, some kind of scrolling on
the upper back, one too far away to see, except to note it was just
above the boob.... when asked to show mine i said "i am sitting on it"
(which i was and am)
then the F-bomb....
"OMG YOU SO **** ING HAVE TO FACE BOOK ME (please say this to me
repeatedly with boozy cigarette breath, and be sure to violate my personal
space while you are at it)
WHAT THE ****? SERIOUSLY, I MEAN, WHAT THE **** , ____________? (fill in
the blank with anything... seriously... politics, kids, spouses, the bitch that took
your last cigarette, OH! and JWs.... they came up in the WTF category!!)
I AM SOOOOOOOOOO **** ING GLAD WE MET (see instructions for OMG
YOU SO **** ING HAVE TO FACE BOOK ME)
YOURE NOT **** ING DRINKING???? (note the decreasing level of the liquid
in the glass in front of me and it will dispel that notion.... and yeah i get it...
you are incredulous that i am drinking something non-alcoholic... but i promised
a mate a safe ride home)
NO **** ING WAY!!!!!!!! (way)
the cigarette smoke was horrid
the entertainment was effing hilarious
the cranberry juice was delicious
and as far as i know, everyone awoke this morning.......