As a JW Did you Feel " Guilted " to go to Meetings /Service if Injured /Sick ?

by flipper 45 Replies latest jw friends

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  zoiks

  I wanted to resurrect this thread after a phone conversation with a JW family member today.

  Their circuit assembly is this weekend, but they did not attend today's session. I didn't ask why he didn't go, but he initiated the conversation with a list of reasons why he wasn't up to going. It wasn't just the reasons themselves, but it was his tone of voice when he listed them, that got me thinking. By the tone of his voice, you would think that he had been diagnosed with a serious illness. A mixture of seriousness, regret, and perhaps a bit of self-pity. I could picture the complete lack of eye contact that always goes with this type of conversation.

  All the while I was thinking, "Just say you didn't feel like going! Or just say you didn't feel up to traveling two hours each way in terrible traffic to a city that is stressful for you to visit on a good day, let alone for this two-day session full of made-up bullshit about made-up bullshit."

  Would it be that hard to admit that you don't want to go?

  Actually, yes, it would.

  I remember those days. Any reason to stay home from a meeting was carefully weighed - would it sound legitimate to others? Because the real issue with missing a meeting is not about you missing out on something good. It's about people noticing that you missed the meeting.

  As this family member rattled off his very legitimate-sounding reasons for missing an assembly day, I started reflecting upon the ability of cults to instill self-censoring and guilt mechanisms into their members, and it struck me that peer pressure is just as effective - maybe more so - in these situations. Why the need to explain himself? I haven't been an active JW in over 18 months. But I remember the guilt, and I remember the disapproval of others.

  The Watchtower can and does set up the situation without ever explicitly stating, "You should feel guilty for not being at the meeting." Making statements that equate love for God and appreciation for his provisions with meeting attendance, for starters. Relating stories about people who crawled naked through volcanoes three times a week just to be at the meetings is another.

  Really, they know that they only have to put out these few suggestive statements, and if your own Watchtower-trained conscience doesn't make you feel like dirt, the more judgmental and self-righteous members of the congregation will take it from there.
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  blondie

  I would have jws stop over after the meeting to "see how I was doing" but really checking to see if I were really sick. I would not let them in saying I was sick and resting and did not want to give it to them. They would insist and then I would say they thought I was lying about being sick, that they were not qualified to diagnose me, that I had been to a qualified person, a doctor, and did not need a second opinion from them.

  Once they knocked continually on the door and my neighbor downstairs came out and told them to leave or they would call the police.

  It was a very abusive time for me, but I never let them in or made any explanations about my physical situation.

  
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  Found Sheep

  I went with migraines and would sit in the back room with the lights off crying... I went after a dry socket tooth removal again in the back crying... I went when there was way too much snow to drive safely....
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  C6H12O6

  Yes, the hall that I went to was notorious for attendance. I also knew some dubs who put the meetings and service over their health. Here are some real examples:

  - An older sister remembered going out in service as a little girl. Even with colds or illnesses, her mother would still take her out. When the friends notice something is wrong the little girl, her mother would tell them: "She's faking it." Eventually the little girl would pass out during service.

  - A sister came to the meeting with a cold, and it eventually spread to the congregation.

  - One sister's Bible study came to the meeting after being missing for a while. The study had some sort of non-contagious skin condition (excema maybe). Barely anybody walked up to her to say hello or anything.

  - There was an older sister who was aux. pioneering in the summer, and she could hardly walk. She carried a foldable stool and also used it as a walking cane.

  - A door fell on a 17 year old girl's finger during service. She was out in service the next morning with a bandaged stint on her finger. The reasoning was that she had 9 other healthy fingers, armageddon could come any minute, and that her finger will be healed at paradise.

  - One sister came in sick, then half way through the meeting...her appendix exploded. She's still alive today, but still...

  There were other medical emergencies that occured during the meetings, and they're usually rushed to the hospital.

  This whole thread kind of reminds me of a riddle one former Bethelite learned from Bethel:

  When should you miss meetings?

  When you're sicker than Job, older than Methuslah, and wiser than Solomon.
• 

  Broken Promises

  Coming home from the meeting one Sunday, I had a bad car accident. I was physically ok but really shaken up emotionally. I had PTSD and some whiplash.

  The car was written off.

  The following Tuesday, I was still shaken up and debating whether to go to the meeting that night. I knew I wasn't really ready for encountering a large group of people for 2 hours but a brother encouraged me to go.

  So I went. Heaps of people came up to me, asking "How is the car? Is it written off? What will you do for another car?" etc etc. All the questions were about the car.

  ONLY ONE PERSON ASKED "HOW ARE YOU?"

  I realised then that the Christian love I believed was part of the congregation was fake. All the others were interested in was gossip fodder for the pioneer car the next day. They weren't interested in ME.

  From then on, if I felt the slightest bit tired or sick, I didn't go. What was the point? I didn't feel encouraged at the meetings at the best of times. So why should I go when I wasn't well?
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  flipper

  Went back into the archives and noticed this thread had been bumped 2 months ago. Sorry for the delay in responding , didn't see it until now.

  ZOIKS- Exactly, good points. The WT society uses guilt to make people feel like dirt for missing meetings for virtually ANY excuse. And you are right- the REAL reason JW's are concerned about missing meetings many times is because of what other JW's will think of them for missing ! It's an insidious game of cat and mouse that is played between elders and rank & file publishers with guilt thrown in for good measure.

  BLONDIE- I too experienced " nosy " fellow Witnesses checking on me to see " how I'm doing " . As you stated : Translation : To see if we were REALLY sick. many JW's just couldn't accept us not being at the meeting !

  FOUND SHEEP- I'm so sorry you suffered through migraines at the meetings. I feel that many of us went to meetings when we should have stayed home. But we were made to feel guilty if we didn't attend. So the pressure was on us back then.

  C6H1206- Good examples of people being made to feel " guilty " if they didn't attend meetings or go out in service ! It was really unkind of Witnesses to attend meetings with colds, the flu, or other illnesses people could catch. But it shows just how far the WT society mind control extends.

  BROKEN PROMISE- Isn't it amazing that Witnesses asked more about how your car was damaged than you yourself ? It shows a blatant disregard for YOU as a person and your well being. I saw this a lot when I was a Witness as well. Sorry you went through that treatment my friend