12/15/2001 WT; Christmas ok if married to non-JW?

by Alleymom 17 Replies latest jw friends

  • Alleymom

    Hi --

    I was wondering if someone has the full text of the article on p.28 of the 12/15/2001 WT, in the Questions from Readers?

    I understand that there is an article which appears, to some, to indicate a softening of attitude regarding Christmas. I'm told that it is now ok for a JW wife married to a non-JW husband to participate in some family Christmas activities as long as she doesn't regard this as an act of worship.

    I would really like to have a copy of the exact wording.

    Many thanks!

  • Pathofthorns

    The article seemed to allow an active female Witness married to an unbeliever take part in activities related to Christmas. I think this is to soften their fanatical image and sources of contention in these households.

    Examples were given such as a wife having to go shopping for items her husband has wrote on a list for him to give as Christmas gifts or attending dinner with relatives.

    It highlighted that these things could be viewed as acceptable if unavoidable as long as one didn't participate in something that could be viewed as an act of worship. What part of Christmas celebrations could be viewed this way I am not sure, nor did the article elaborate.

    The article is written in vague and unclear terms, leaving much open to interpretation. The wording seems to suggest that it would not apply to 'brothers' living in a 'divided household', since it is the Christian woman that is trying to balance respect for the headship principle (lol) along with what is acceptable to God.


  • ballistic

    I wonder if anything was written about selling cigarettes as this was perfectly ok in our congregation.

  • Pathofthorns

    I think if you are a cashier in a store (other than a smoke shop..lol) it is a 'conscience matter', since you are not actually "selling" the cigarettes, but merely doing your job an employee filling an order. You have no choice what your employer chooses to sell in his/her store.

    Basically, it is all about rules and word games. Paranoid Witnesses who cannot think and reason need rules for every little thing.

    Path (do whatever you want class)

  • crittersitter

    doesn't this sound like they are getting ready to somehow explain away the UN thing?
    telling the believer"do what you cannot avoid, but you're not really participating in x-mas festivities"
    when i was a kid, if you even LIKED to LOOK at the x-mas tree..you were evil and displeasing to jah.....now a spouse can kee the peace and help her husband, but she is NOT violating her beliefs.......
    terribly suspect to me....ever so slightly make way for some changes for "new light"

  • indireneed

    The GB leaves everything up to 'conscience' and then talks about how Christmas is evil and influenced by the devil. Even if they soften up, it causes a person in their clutches to retain their old position by 'choice' rather than by 'rote'.

    These guys are such twisters of the truth. You are given the option to be with your marriage mate in a celebration of life and therefore lose eternal life or stagnate and follow a bunch of 80 and 90 year old, stodgy men.

  • outnfree

    Dear Alleymom,

    Welcome to the Board!

    Here is the full text of the 12/15/2001 Questions from Readers (but I'm afraid I couldn't resist some personal asides...):

    "How can a Christian wife balance loyalty to God with submission to her unbelieving husband if he shares in religious holiday activities?

    Her doing so will require wisdom and tact. But she is doing the right thing in striving to balance her two obligations. Jesus gave counsel about a parallel situation: "Pay back, therefore, Caesar's things to Caesar, but God's thinkgs to God." (Matthew 22:21) Granted he was dealing with obligations to governments, to which Christians were later told to be in submission. (Romans 13:1) Yet, his counsel find a parallel in a wife's balancing her obligations to God with her Scriptural obligations to her husband, even if he is an unbeliever.

    [Unbeliever he may be, but he's still "Emperor" over her, according to the CCJW! Man doesn't need to be "godly" to rule over lesser mortals like women!

    No one familiar with the Bible would deny that it stresses that a Christian's first obligation is to Almighty God, to be loyal to him at all times. (Acts 5:29) Still, in many situations a true woshiper can accomodate the requests or demands of an unbeliever in authority while not sharing in a violation of God's elevated laws.

    We find an instructive example in the three Hebrews, as related in Daniel chapter 3. Their governmental superior, Nebudchadnezzar, descreed that they and others present themselves on the plain of Dura. Realizing that false worship was scheduled, the three Hebrews would likely to have preferred to avoid being there. Perhaps Daniel was able to excuse himself, but these three could not.* So they complied to the extent of appearing, but they would not--and did not--share in any wrong act. -- Daniel 3:2-18.

    Similarly, around holiday times an unbelieving husband [the wife's "governmental superior"] might request or demand that his Christian wife do something she would like to avoid. Consider some examples: He tells her to cook a certain food on the day he and others will celebrate a holiday. Or he demands that the family (including his wife) visit his relatives on that day for a meal or simply as a social call. Or even prior to the holiday, he might say that while his wife is out shopping, she must make some purchases for him -- foods unique to the holiday, items to use as presents, or wrapping paper and cards to use with his gifts.

    Again, the Christian wife ought to be determined no to share in false religious acts, but what about such requests? He is the family head, and God's Word says: "You wives, be in subjection to your husbands, as it is becoming in the Lord." (Colossians 3:18) In these cases, can she show wifely subjection while being loyal to God? She must decide how to balance obedience to her husband with her overriding obedience to Jehovah.

    At other times, her husband may ask her to cook a certain food, whether because it is his favorite or because he is used to having that meal in a particular season. She will desire to show love for him and recognition of his headship. Could she do so even if he made the request on the occasion of a holiday? Some Christian wives might be able to do so with a good conscience [not a Yule Log, perhaps, too Pagan, but Christmas shortbread cookies shaped like stars?????], simply considering it as a normal task of preparing the daily meal. Certainly, no loyal Christian would attach any holiday significance to it, even if her husband did. [Oh! So the Yule Log IS okay -- it's just a modified jelly roll, after all -- and she can use the Santa cookie cutter after all!!! Yes, and hot cross buns in April, as well! Mmmmmm...] Similarly, he might require her to be with him when he visits his relatives at various times each month or year. Could she do so even if it was the day of a holiday? Or would she normally be willing to purchase things at his request, without judging [!!!!What an earth-shattering idea for a JW!] what he intends to do with the items she buys for him while doing her shopping?

    Of course, a Christian wife should think of others--the effect on them. (Philippians 2:4) [Santa shortbread cookies are made of exactly the same ingredients as the star-shaped ones ] She would like to avoid giving any impression that she is linked to the holiday, just as the three Hebrews may likely have preferred that others not see them traveling to the plain of Dura [she'll bake the cookies but not carry the cookie tin into the relative's?]. So she might tactfully try to reason with her husband to see if, out of consideration for her feelings, he might do certain holiday-related things for himself to accomodate a wife who loves and respects him. [Okay, he'll carry the tin!] He might see the wisdom of not putting both of them in a potentially embarrassing situation if she would have to refuse to engage in false religious acts. [Then again, he might like to watch her squirm.] Yes, calm discussion beforehand might lead to a peaceful solution. [Or, it might deteriorate into hurt feelings and icy relations all around!]-- Proverbs 22:3.

    In the final, analysis, the faithful Christian [interesting there is no 'wife' as a modifier here...] must weigh the facts and then decide what to do. Obedience to God must come first, as it did with the three Hebrews. (1 Corinthians 10:31) But with that in mind, the individual Christian has to decide what noncompromising things can be done at the request of one having authority in the family or in the community. [OK -- I get that an unbelieving father might also have authority over his children, for example, but WHO could this ostensibly unbelieving 'community' member be that has authority over a Christian wife? The mayor's going to ask her to shop?!!!]

    * See "Questions From Readers" in The Watchtower of August 1, 2001"

    Happy to provide the full-text service while I can -- my subs are expiring soon and I'm NOT going to a Kingdumb Hole to get MORE...


    When the truth is found to be lies
    and all the joy within you dies ...
    -- Darby Slick, Somebody to Love

  • Xena

    Wow I wish I would have known this BEFORE the Christmas season was over...lol I wouldn't have been so worried about being "caught" buying wrapping paper or cards...all I would have had to do was blame Tim...that man you gave me made me do it!!!!! aaahhhhhh blame shifting..works for me

  • outnfree


    During my tenure as a JW wife with an unbelieving mate, I spent countless hours figuring out exactly how best to 'blame-shift' so that I could do what I (and he) wanted around the holidays under the guise of faithfully respecting the headship principle.

    I was also 'required' to attend birthday dinners out at favorite restaurants for my children and submission came in handy for whenever the kids wanted to pursue 'normal' things like team sports or any otherwise suspect school activities...

    (who always put a napkin on her head when praying in his presence)

  • Xena

    lol outnfree, good for you...using the submission angle to your own advantage! I had the "misfortune" of having a JW hubby...at least till recently...thanks for the pointers!

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