Shunning inactive JW? I never heard about it before....

by Albert Einstein 25 Replies latest jw friends

  • Albert Einstein
    Albert Einstein

    From many of your posts Ive noticed some of you, who never were DF or DA are practicaly shunned by your family memebers or congregation memebers. Does that really mean they wouldnt talk to you or greet you, if they meet you on the street or if you call them?

    I live in eastern Europe and I never in my life heard about such attitude. If you are DF/DA, than its clear - no greeting, no talking....

    But if you just stop going to the meetings, even after 10 years you will still be considered a brother and everybody will talk to you.

    Read about some inactive here, where not allowed to visit/participate at JW weddings? Here OK...

    Is it misunderstanding, or another double-standard???


  • Aussie Oz
    Aussie Oz

    My half brother and sister never got baptized and when they became young adults neither stayed with it. My sister married her high school sweet heart, my brother married a witness girl who also just never followed thru with it either. Our family is spread out all over the country. Here is the lay of the land as far as how they are treated...

    Mum. still a witness sees them when she can, talks often

    Older sister, D/A same as above

    Me, D/F same as above

    Older Brother. D/F occasional talks (a bit of a loner)

    Step father, Inactive, sees them when he can, talks often

    The whole of the other family of 5 siblings (half brothers and sisters as well as cousins, etc), total ignore them. Not even told them that one of the half brothers had died.

    congregations where they both live... no longer call in after being told to piss off.

  • Joshnaz

    I was never D'fd and I was completely shunned by my family. My own sister told me that if I did not leave my wife and go back to the kingdom hall she would never talk to me. She kept her silence for over three years before she allowed herself to talk to me again. My own parents would hesitate to talk to me also. It hurt me very bad, but at least time is a healer, after a decade things are progressing in a positive direction again.

  • blondie

    The technical term in WTS jargon would be personal "marking." I had that done when my husband was an elder and I was a pioneer...go figure.

  • villabolo

    I live in a large apartment complex that is dominated by JWs. Some years back I was walking in the complex and I saw an old lady outside planting a pine tree. I did not know anything about her even though she lived across from me. While I walked by her she told me "I'm planting a Christmas tree". She said it twice while I simply nodded and smiled. I made a mental note to myself thinking that she was not a JW. She passed away sometime after.

    I later learned that her name was Amy and that she was disfellowshipped or declared disassociated, which in the early 1980s was officially the same as being d'fed (Even to the ridiculous point of a certain watchtower using over and over again the composite word disfellowshipped/disassociated, yes they lumped the words together).

    The reason why she was d'fed or d'a was because she stopped going to the meetings. It was no surprise to me. During my Judicial Commitee I tried to disassociate myself but I was told by the elders that according to a recently published watchtower (This happened sometime in late 1980) there was no difference between the two.

    I still live in the same place. The pine tree is still there, about 25 feet tall. Good night Amy.


  • restrangled

    Albert, here is my first post from 2006....I was about 30 years out.....I was absolutely devastated and so happy to find this place.

  • parakeet

    I was never "marked," DFed, or DAed, but some dubs from my old KH shunned me anyway. Some did not. I moved from the area soon afterward (for other reasons).

    If it's practical, I recommend that strategy (moving away -- you don't have to go far) to anyone who's being harrassed by dub attention or snubbing. It's so peaceful not having the constant irritation of running into, and being shunned by, dubs you used to know.

  • chickpea

    as far as i know i have not been DF'd
    but as recently as wednesday, i actually
    saw a JW from the KH i had attended
    peeking at me thru a display case while
    i was in the checkout line! it was the
    goofiest thing i have seen from them...

    i suspect i am marked, but damned if i know I don't know

  • Hopscotch

    Albert - my husband and I (JWs for over 40 years) started fading about 4 years ago. In January this year, after a couple of inquisitions about it from my father (an elder), he gave us an ultimatum - go back to the meetings and become active JWs again or my family would cut us off. He gave me three hours to think about it and give him an answer.

    I phoned three hours later to tell him we were not going to go back to meetings - he ranted, raved, insulted us then told me I was dead as far as my family is concerned and that they had no intention of showing me love anymore.

    So since the 16th January this year I have had absolutely no contact whatsoever with my father, sister and her husband and children and my brother, his wife and children.

    And we are not da'd or df'd.


  • jamiebowers

    I was baptized in 1982, and my jw mom told me that I shouldn't even talk to inactive people if I ran into them in the door to door work. She said that even though they weren't df'd or had da'd themselves, they weren't good association and were probably apostates.

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