OK, I can't stand not knowing any longer.....

by palmtree67 13 Replies latest jw friends

  • Plummet
    Plummet

    Ramen

  • Spectre
    Spectre

    Have you been touched by his noodley appendage?

  • palmtree67
    palmtree67

    Hee hee hee!!!

    ( Spectre said "noodley appendage"..... )

  • Stealth
    Stealth

    I think I could live with the beliefs and values of the pastafarians.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gospel_of_the_Flying_Spaghetti_Monster

    Pastafarians' flimsy moral standards." The FSM's "commandments" (I.R.R.Y.D.'s) address the treatment of people of other faiths, worship of the FSM, sexual conduct, and nutrition. The morals and standards expressed by the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the deity of Pastafarians, supposedly said that the simple language of the Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts" makes them easy to understand for anyone while still maintaining an accurate portrayal of the beliefs and values he'd like his followers to keep in mind.

    The Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts"

    (Capitalization and censorship as per original text)

    1. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Act Like a Sanctimonious Holier-Than-Thou Ass When Describing My Noodly Goodness. If Some People Don't Believe In Me, That's Okay. Really, I'm Not That Vain. Besides, This Isn't About Them So Don't Change The Subject.
    2. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Use My Existence As A Means To Oppress, Subjugate, Punish, Eviscerate, And/Or, You Know, Be Mean To Others. I Don't Require Sacrifices, And Purity Is For Drinking Water, Not People.
    3. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Judge People For The Way They Look, Or How They Dress, Or The Way They Talk, Or, Well, Just Play Nice, Okay? Oh, And Get This In Your Thick Heads: Woman = Person. Man = Person. Samey = Samey. One Is Not Better Than The Other, Unless We're Talking About Fashion And I'm Sorry, But I Gave That To Women And Some Guys Who Know The Difference Between Teal and Fuchsia.
    4. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Indulge In Conduct That Offends Yourself, Or Your Willing, Consenting Partner Of Legal Age AND Mental Maturity. As For Anyone Who Might Object, I Think The Expression Is Go F*** Yourself, Unless They Find That Offensive In Which Case They Can Turn Off the TV For Once And Go For A Walk For A Change.
    5. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Challenge The Bigoted, Misogynist, Hateful Ideas Of Others On An Empty Stomach. Eat, Then Go After The B******.
    6. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Build Multimillion-Dollar Churches/Temples/Mosques/Shrines To My Noodly Goodness When The Money Could Be Better Spent (Take Your Pick):
    1. Ending Poverty
    2. Curing Diseases
    3. Living In Peace, Loving With Passion, And Lowering The Cost Of Cable
      I Might be a Complex-Carbohydrate Omniscient Being, But I Enjoy The Simple Things In Life. I Ought To Know. I AM the Creator.
    1. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Go Around Telling People I Talk To You. You're Not That Interesting. Get Over Yourself. And I Told You To Love Your Fellow Man, Can't You Take A Hint?
    2. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You If You Are Into, Um, Stuff That Uses A Lot Of Leather/Lubricant/Las Vegas. If The Other Person Is Into It, However (Pursuant To #4), Then Have At It, Take Pictures, And For The Love Of Mike, Wear a CONDOM! Honestly, It's A Piece Of Rubber. If I Didn't Want It To Feel Good When You Did IT I Would Have Added Spikes, Or Something.

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