Not without my daughters

by IronHill 17 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  IronHill

  Anyone remember that movie? Sally Field playing an abused wife trying to leave Iran with her daughter? My current situation reminds me of that movie.

  Ok a little background...

  I have two beautiful daughters from a previous marriage. I have shared custody of the girls and they spend half of the week with me. Their mother is disfellowshipped (with no interests in returning) and we are civil because of the girls. Me and my wife have recently informed her of our fade, (since we figured the girls would at some point, while participating in the holidays.)

  Since that conversation, my ex wife has now informed me that she felt comforted when i was taking the girls to the meeting. But now since that's not what i want, she is going to try and come back. For the kids sake. She say's she cant stand the fact that her daughters may die in Armaggeddon.

  Here's an excerpt of her message to me:

  honestly now dat i know dat u are back to not wantin to be a part of the organization i feel a tremendous pressure to go back because the kids need me now more than ever

  So i guess it means i'm failing my children. I am burning up with so much rage. I dont want my daughters to grow up as JW, I dont want them to go through what i did.

  I dont know what to do...
• 

  Heartbreaker

  Well without knowing your daughters ages or ability to reason it's hard to say. Also, your ex has been out a long time? If so (or maybe even without a lot of time out I suppose) she would have changes and reforms to do in her life, and it is a process. Is she up to doing all of that? Will it be successful (her seeking reinstatement?) I'd say that you should quiet the rage, and keep the 1/2 a week visits just as you always have, and show your daughters that something that looks like truth may not be truth. Teach them to test out the policies...like birthdays...where does a birthday violate bible principles? etc etc. Did you exwife celebrate holidays with them? They already probably have a preference, which all kids do, towards having fun and having "sameness" in school with their peers. Now they can share this with you and your wife, yes?

  Likely your ex just liked the fact that she could live how she wanted, and told herself that the girls salvation would fall onto you, and by you leaving as well she feels the heat. It will either fizzle out and she'll chill, or it will intensify and she will become a full fledge JW again. Either way, you are there for your daughters.
• 

  IronHill

  Heartbreaker, they are young (3, 5). i definitely will keep the arrangement we have, and since i cant control what she does with them at her house, trust me i will be doing my best to teach them to think for themselves at mine.

  But yes, i am here for my daughters.
• 

  GoingGoingGone

  If your ex is afraid that the girls will die at Armageddon, then deep down she still believes that the JWs have "the Truth." So she's acting out of fear right now.

  Maybe you could tell her why YOU left - reassure her that you have done lots of research and now KNOW that what the JWs teach is not the truth. Explain that you are not afraid of dying at Armageddon, and you are not afraid for your daughters, either, because you are convinced that Armageddon is NOT 'just around the corner.' Offer to share any information you have with her.

  Good luck!

  GGG
• 

  Gayle

  Showing your children all about your unconditional love, encouraging them to think, encouraging education, showing them the value of good clean fun, will speak volumes over what the WT organization will ever show/teach them. You will succeed. Let your ex live with her "tremendous pressure" as is her choice and the organization will always reinforce that to her always with control and guilt, and she will always just then be miserable. So many best wishes to you and your family!
• 

  Georgiegirl

  I agree. Honestly, the fact is that it isn't easy to come back. Depending on how long she's been out, she would have to make EVERY meeting and show genuine repentance, etc etc before she was reinstated. AND she'd have to attend on those days WITH the girls and NO outside help since she is df'd. The chances of her being able to make it back aren't huge. Secondly, by the time she did, you'd have another year of helping your daughters since you are able to have them regularly. They will see the difference in the two households. I know you are angry, but from the outside looking in, I don't think you have much to worry about with losing your daughters to the organization.
• 

  IronHill

  GGG - I tried that, while we still married, and that didnt go over well. She tells me that nothing will ever convince her that this isn't the truth. Thanks for understanding though...

  Gayle - I have a feeling that when the girls get their choice, they will not be JW...but to have them suffer through the indoctrination now, that's what upsets me. Thanks for the well wishes...
• 

  Georgiegirl

  If you have them half a week, can you make your half the half that includes the one nightly meeting and Saturdays and Sundays? (not sure how it works). That would avoid any indoctrination via meetings and field service.
• 

  IronHill

  I do have them every Sunday and every other Saturday...
• 

  yknot

  That movie still haunts me!!!!!!

  Indoctrination isn't a one way street.......explain to the girls why you no longer believe.

  Show them the historical time line and development of 1914. Demystify things.

  Another thing......what is up with your Ex's 'dat' commentary?