Should I Formally Apologize?

lifelong humanist

What do you members think - is there any mileage in 'formally' apologizing to my 4 sons (now aged 20 - 34) of my stupid JW indoctrination during their formative years? I still have pangs of guilt. Yet, on balance, I have to admit that it couldn't have been too damaging as they are all totally out of the cult. I don't think they consider me to be a 'bad father' - stupid, maybe - mind-controlled, yes!

I DAd myself in 2003 when I woke up to the fact that I didn't believe in 'any' god. An atheistic, humanistic approach to life seemed to sum me up pretty well. I'm now a happy, card-carrying Scottish Humanist, and often wonder why it took me so long to see through my own indoctrination into the JW version of christianity!

I belive that I'm lucky - my sons have all quit the JW cult at different stages of their lives - and I'm proud of the fact that only 2 made the mistake of 'pressurized' baptism - largely, my fault (called to task by my fellow Elders). With this in mind, I feel bad that I influenced (or didn't deter) their foolhardy decision. I consider myself to be a highly moral person and hence my current dilemma.

My wife is still a JW, although I believe she is just going through the motions as her elderly father and brother are still 'in'.

lifelong humanist

Newborn

often wonder why it took me so long to see through my own indoctrination into the JW version of christianity!

boy! you can say that again! I think we all here feel the same way.

I'm a 35 y old daughter of a previous elder dad...who so regrets he brought us up in the cult...however I don't blame him at all for that...he did what he thought was best for us at the time and I did chose myself to get baptist, become pioneer etc (even though I more or less had no choice). He's so happy I'm out now and hopefully waiting for my sister to see the light also.

I don't think your sons blame you either. I'm sure they don't expect an apology but if you feel you want to give them one I think they will understand.

Congrats to that all your kids are out!!

Hugs Newborn

AwSnap

It would probably mean a lot to your kids if you did that, even if they may say "awwww Dad, its no big deal". You would be free of your guilt & they would know that you recognize your mistakes, even if it was because of manipulative cult mind control. Best wishes.

fokyc

I think you should apologize -- but it makes it difficult with your wife still being in. If your wife finally leaves you should hold a big party to celebrate your freedom and apologize there.

fokyc

chickpea

i apologized to my 4 children...
ranging in age from 24- 16
at this point....

they have been gracious,
telling me that they understand
i was not trying to corrupt their
childhoods, but secure them an
"eternal life in paradise"...

none of us linger there, out loud...
but it remains one of the biggest
regrets of my life.... my issue

that does not answer your
question of "should you"....

just lets you know you
arent the alone in having
wondered ....

Satanus

Even though it probably isn't an issue for them, it would be a good thing to do. That would bury the issue and any guilt that you may have, for good.

S

BadBettie

My elder Dad apoligised to me for not letting us take music or anything afterschool { I was "gifted" too and couldnt do extras }...oh wait my sister could because she wanted to be a pioneer. I was not allowed to because it was a threat to my spiritual health.

Dad apoligised and it made me very very happy to hear him say just that... not anything else, and I am not mad at my father by any means [my other family is pretty strict, my father was not born in].

You'll probably all feel somewhat better it was said even if it is weird to have to do.

Casper

I apologized to my two Daughters...

We had a very good discussion about it, and they both said they forgive me, something I think parents in these situations also need to hear.

Cas

besty

take them out for a pint - one by one - as the ocassion arises, and ask them how they feel about it - the conversation should flow naturally and you will know for each boy what you need to say.

Mickey mouse

^ I like Besty's idea.

Should I Formally Apologize?

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