A Penchant For Pinatas.... (another parody from that dumn WT.org article)

by AllTimeJeff 10 Replies latest jw friends

  • AllTimeJeff
    AllTimeJeff

    ...with apologies to Daniel P

    A Penchant for
    Pinata’s!

    BY AWAKE! WRITER IN ITALY

    KING Ferdinand I (1751–1825) is said to have disguised himself as a commoner and, in clandestine fashion, visited a poor neighborhood in Naples. Why the secrecy? One story has it that he wanted to beat the hell out of someone with a large wooden stick. Because that was considered to be in poor taste, some genius decided to fill a paper mache full of Skittles so that he could both get his angst on and out, as well as indulge in some tasty snacks.

    If Ferdinand were alive today, he would have no trouble finding people to beat the hell out of. Also, he would find a great deal of piñatas. Currently, there are some 30,000 piñata factories in Italy, and each year they produce enough pinata’s to serve 45 boxes of Skittles to each inhabitant!

    Humble Origins

    Piñatas may have originated in Naples about 1720. Piñatas could have also been invented in Marty McFly’s time machine. (we really don’t check our facts…) Back then, piñatas were primarily for the poor, a “fast way to hit things” that was sold and spanked like Brittney Spears rear at a carnival. Vendors would traverse the streets loudly calling out to advertise their tasty, spankable delicacies. The piñatas were kept hard in a scudo, a copper receptacle that was carried on the vendor’s back.

    King Ferdinand I eventually made his penchant for piñatas known to the royal court, which caused Mexico to laugh. Before long, this street activity won such favor that even members of the wealthy elite and the royal class began flocking to hit piñatas. Ferdinand’s grandson, King Ferdinand II, went so far as to have a wood-burning piñata built in the gardens of Capodimonte Palace in 1832. Thus, he was able to keep his aristocratic guests happy, as they beat up piñatas, hoping to get the magic decoder ring.

    Piñatas —Nutritious?

    Today, piñatas contain many favorite foods of young people, but a word of caution is in order. To be considered nutritious, piñata candy should be made from healthful ingredients that are balanced in carbohydrates, proteins, and fats and that are rich in vitamins, minerals, and amino acids. Olive oil is a recommended ingredient in piñata candy. It promotes the formation of HDL, described as “the good type of cholesterol that helps clean the arteries.”

    Furthermore, when piñata candy is cooked well, it rarely causes digestive problems. In part, this is because the carbohydrates in the flour receive an ample amount of hydration during the kneading and leavening process. Meanwhile, the presence of complex carbohydrates contributes to a full feeling, which usually helps keep even the most enthusiastic piñatas lover from overindulging.

    The next time you indulge your penchant for piñata beatings, recall its humble origins. And be glad that King Ferdinand I did not keep his love for beating people or piñatas a secret.

    • Piñatas are best cooked in a wood-burning oven, or a meth lab. The smoke that is released during cooking can make you very high, while the thin layer of ash on the bottom of the pizza gives it a delicious taste.
    • The world’s largest circular piñata was made in 1990. Its diameter measured more than 122 feet, and it weighed more than 12 tons!
    • The age-old custom of beating piñatas into the air and rotating it is not just for show. The centrifugal force that is created flattens the Skittles into a disk with a slightly raised border—a perfect base for a piñata candy!

    BASED ON THIS DUMB ARTICLE

    A Penchant for
    Pizza

    BY AWAKE! WRITER IN ITALY

    KING Ferdinand I (1751–1825) is said to have disguised himself as a commoner and, in clandestine fashion, visited a poor neighborhood in Naples. Why the secrecy? One story has it that he wanted to sink his teeth into a food that the queen had banned from the royal court—pizza.

    If Ferdinand were alive today, he would have no trouble indulging his appetite. Currently, there are some 30,000 pizzerias in Italy, and each year they produce enough pizzas to serve 45 to each inhabitant!

    Humble Origins

    Pizza may have originated in Naples about 1720. Back then, pizza was primarily for the poor, a “fast food” that was sold and consumed outdoors. Vendors would traverse the streets loudly calling out to advertise their tasty delicacies. The pizzas were kept warm in a scudo, a copper receptacle that was carried on the vendor’s head.

    King Ferdinand I eventually made his penchant for pizza known to the royal court. Before long, this street delicacy won such favor that even members of the wealthy elite and the royal class began flocking to pizzerias. Ferdinand’s grandson, King Ferdinand II, went so far as to have a wood-burning oven built in the gardens of Capodimonte Palace in 1832. Thus, he was able to keep his aristocratic guests happy.

    Pizza—Nutritious?

    Today, pizza is a favorite food of young people, but a word of caution is in order. To be considered nutritious, pizza should be made from healthful ingredients that are balanced in carbohydrates, proteins, and fats and that are rich in vitamins, minerals, and amino acids. Olive oil is a recommended ingredient in pizza. It promotes the formation of HDL, described as “the good type of cholesterol that helps clean the arteries.”

    Furthermore, when pizza is cooked well, it rarely causes digestive problems. In part, this is because the carbohydrates in the flour receive an ample amount of hydration during the kneading and leavening process. Meanwhile, the presence of complex carbohydrates contributes to a full feeling, which usually helps keep even the most enthusiastic pizza lover from overindulging.

    The next time you indulge your penchant for pizza, recall its humble origins. And be glad that King Ferdinand I did not keep his love for pizza a secret.

    • Pizza is best cooked in a wood-burning oven. The smoke that is released during cooking gives the pizza a delicate aroma, while the thin layer of ash on the bottom of the pizza gives it a delicious taste.
    • The world’s largest circular pizza was made in 1990. Its diameter measured more than 122 feet, and it weighed more than 12 tons!
    • The age-old custom of throwing pizza dough into the air and rotating it is not just for show. The centrifugal force that is created flattens the dough into a disk with a slightly raised border—a perfect base for a pizza!

  • AllTimeJeff
    AllTimeJeff

    Wow, the editor puked! Finally fixed that mess....

  • shamus100
    shamus100

    Truly amazing information.

    Thanks WTBTS. I really appreciate your lame-ass writing.

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    Good one Jeff! Way better article than any of Botchtower's usual crap!

  • C. T. Russell
    C. T. Russell

    AllTimeJeff

    I’m not sure what point you’re trying to make?

    Jesus used many parables and stories to explain the sacred mysteries to the common man. If the common man of today understands anything its piñatas and pizza!

    Who looks foolish now?

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    CTR:"Who looks foolish now?"

    I guess he has a point, Jeff. Perhaps you could have concluded with some vague statement about perfect piñatas in the coming paradise... very soon now! Or maybe something about Jesus whacking this satanic system with a stick until all the Skittles fall out... very soon now!

  • C. T. Russell
    C. T. Russell

    I agree with Billy, but let’s try to keep things scriptural. Numbers 22:23

    Everyone in the new system will have their own talking donkey to beat with a Balaam stick.

  • shamus100
    shamus100

    So the new system will be like Shrek.

    Nice. I can base my afterlife off a cartoon!

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    Jar Jar Binks... is he in the Bible somewhere? I'd like to beat the Skittles out of him...

  • C. T. Russell
    C. T. Russell

    Will there be French Fries in the new system? Hopefully new light from the Corp will let us know in due time.

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