The Man Rules

by keyser soze 4 Replies latest social humour

  • keyser soze
    keyser soze

    I had this forwarded to me at work. Funny, but so true:

    The Man Rules At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

    Finally , the guys' side of the story.
    (
    I must admit, it's pretty good.)
    We always hear
    "the rules" From the female side.

    Now here are the rules from the male side.

    These are our rules!
    Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
    ON PURPOSE!

    1. Men are NOT mind readers... FIRST & FOREMOST RULE

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
    You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down.
    You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon
    or the changing of the tides.
    Let it be.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want.
    Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem
    only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
    Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
    In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
    Don't ask us.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the
    other one 1. You can either ask us to do something
    Or tell us how you want it done.
    Not both.
    If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials...

    1. Christopher Columbus did
    NOT need directions and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not
    A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it
    will be scratched..
    We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine....
    Really . 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football
    or
    Sex.

    1.. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape.
    Round IS a shape!

    1. Thank you for reading this.
    Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
    But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

    Pass this to as many men as you can -
    to give them a laugh.

    Pass this to as many women as you can -

    to give them a bigger laugh

  • Heaven
    Heaven

    I like the very first one as I relate to this. My mother thought my father should know what she was thinking since they had been married for a long time. Say What?! I never understood that.

  • OUTLAW
    OUTLAW

    Keyser Soze..

    Funny!..I like it!..

    ..................

  • beksbks
    beksbks

    What exactly are you trying to say Keyser??

  • jeeprube
    jeeprube

    If women wanted penis as much as men wanted vagina then these rules might actually mean something. However, they don't, and so we men will continue to go along trying to appease the women/woman in our lives just so we can get laid every now and then.

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