Ok, I'll give it the old college try:
"This is what Jehovah of armies has said, ‘Look! A calamity is going forth from nation to nation, and a great tempest itself will be roused up from the remotest parts of the earth . 33 And those slain by Jehovah will certainly come to be in that day from one end of the earth clear to the other end of the earth. They will not be bewailed, neither will they be gathered up or be buried. As manure on the surface of the ground they will become.'
A calamity is going forth from nation to nation---Obviously that is the Swine Flu. You know, H1N1. Good try Jah, but they came up with a Vaccine. Hah, gottcha.
a great tempest itself will be roused up from the remotest parts of the earth--I'm thinking Tsunami in Samoa. How about you? Remote, great tempest, all the makings of Tsumani.
33 And those slain by Jehovah will certainly come to be in that day from one end of the earth clear to the other end of the earth.---Well, people do die. And like *We* apostates believe, once you're dead, you're dead. I mean, that's it. SY-O-NAR-AH.
They will not be bewailed, neither will they be gathered up or be buried. As manure on the surface of the ground they will become.'--Kinda sad, washed out to sea and all. I'm guessing they are, what, shark bait? Yeah, that must be it. Too bad.
34 "Howl, YOU shepherds, and cry out! And wallow about, YOU majestic ones of the flock, because YOUR days for slaughtering and for YOUR scatterings have been fulfilled, and YOU must fall like a desirable vessel!--Hmmm, I'm going to have to go with: I'm being told I'm a shepard, only I don't own any sheep, so I must be a vegetarian now. Now, as for a desirable vessel---Yes I can!!! Yes I am!!! See, I knew I could do this!
35 And a place to flee to has perished from the shepherds, and a means of escape from the majestic ones of the flock.---I will remain on my mountain and await further instructions from my Klingon warrior. Klingon warriors existed when the bible was written, didn't they? I'll hug my sheep to keep warm.
36 Listen! The outcry of the shepherds, and the howling of the majestic ones of the flock, for Jehovah is despoiling their pasturage.--Thank goodness I brought ear-plugs. I don't want to listen to anyone howling, I need my beauty sleep god-dammit.
37 And the peaceful abiding places have been rendered lifeless because of the burning anger of Jehovah.---So, a wildfire was started. Typical. Could have been someone smoking and throwing out a lighted cigarette, or, could have been the Santa Ana winds. We may never know.
38 He has left his covert just like a maned young lion, for their land has become an object of astonishment because of the maltreating sword and because of his burning anger."---Finally, the wildfire is over. Acres and acres of land burned. And the coyotes, they are everywhere. If you don't look closely, they look like lions. Put on your glasses you idiot.
There now, see, this breaking down the bible stuff is fun. Can we do it again? Do you have more?