Road to Recovery

by vinman 19 Replies latest jw experiences

  • vinman

    I am totally new to this. I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness. I made it my own at the age of 5. I was a "True Believer ". I am 45. Served as an elder about 12 years and servant about 8. I am not some disgruntled man that will say my life was terrible as a witness. It was wonderful. I loved everything about it. Just sitting at a convention listening to the music prelude filled me with joy. I was a staunch Bible reader. Read every magazine since I was baptized at 13. It gave me joy morning and night. True, like many, I shelved some doubts, but I felt Jehovah and his Christ were far more important then my little life. I had planned on getting old in this system and dying "old and satisfied". Then one day about 4 months ago I started reading our "spiritual heritage " within the old publications. It was simply a curious journey. Nothing to try to criticize the Wt. Society. I can say many things, but the worship of Jesus till 1954 took me down hard. I ran into this in old Wt. magazines. I didn't enter an apostate site until I discovered this. The site only verified my worse fear. Then of course, this beautiful garment ( the organization) unravelled before my eyes. Now I see of course, that a person can't simply put their trust in these 8 men again. Their is no going back. It is illogical. Of course I'm very depressed but I feel I'm dealing with it. My wife and 4 kids (2 still are at home) are still active. I'm trapped between rock and a hard place. I feel i have read everything I can possibly read about the organization. My question is, when did you give yourself a break from all the reading about the organization? I seem to be rereading the sites. Simply because of the shock factor. I feel that I'm of the same disposition as Ray Franz. Why would i turn into some atheist just because the Watchtower is false? If you throw away the Bible after life in the Watchtower, that really tells you the power of that organization. You simply believed because Wt. said so. So i guess, if you are one that continues to read and meditate on the Bible, how long did it take before you could do this without distraction ( that is, without this obsession of reading other websites about ex-JW's)?

  • sparrowdown
    Recovery from this religious group is a process and the first phase for many is the information gathering phase. There are no right or wrong ways nor any standard length of time to pass through the various phases. So if you feel the need to continue reading and processing - even the same information- don't worry too much it takes time to wrap your head around all of this. You'll move on when your ready to.
  • FayeDunaway

    Worship of Jesus till 1954??? This is something that is new to me! Please fill me in! I left the religion because they do not worship Jesus, and the bible showed me he should be.

    I am still very much into the bible and am still a bit obsessed with witness theology and how it contrasts with the bible. I often read a scripture and remember their interpretation of it, tho I have a good study bible which is nice for reading different interpretations of scriptures. But for a year or so I would go on apologist websites and read what they had to say against witness doctrine. Really really interesting stuff there, about Old Testament scriptures that were about God that were also about Jesus...witnesses NEVER read those scriptures. Wish I could remember the sites. I know you feel stuck now and concerned about your family. It takes a lot of patience and periods of insanity may surface!! Good luck!

  • Crazyguy
    I found that the bible told me it was clear that all who believed were Christ followers and therefore we are all Christians not just 144K and I continued my research more things unraveled. It will take months to come to the grips that you were fooled by the ORG. Take it slow, say nothing to your kids your wife or anyone else for that matter until you can come to grips with your emotions which may take 2 to 3 years. Come to this site for questions, research, to vent. Remember take it slow.
  • smiddy


    Welcome to the site , glad to have you on board , I have learnt a lot here.I`m sure you will too .

    The majority of us here were true believers that would have given their lives and the lives of their loved ones following the WT`s blood policy. I shudder when I think of that.

    You state " why would I turn into some atheist just because the watchtower is false ? If you throw away the Bible after life in the watchtower that really tells you the power of that organization"......A false assumption .

    Many , Many people on this site are believers , not atheists ,who have a deep respect for the bible and it`s message .That is their choice and their perogative .

    Others , like myself , have not only thoroughly investigated the watchtower teachings but also the Bible scriptures and found them wanting , contradicting ,fanciful ,absurd ,mimicking other nations history Realising the Jews did not worship only one GOD , the name Jehovah was an invention of the 13th century by none other than a Catholic monk ,The list goes on and on and on .

    You just have to do research yourself which takes effort instead of lazily relying on somebody else to do the research for you , as in the case of the WT that only gives you the information they want you to have .

    Have a good day


  • Xanthippe

    Hi vinman and welcome. My husband and I were true believers too. He was an elder and he pioneered for 15 years and I pioneered for 10. I wanted to save lives because I thought people were going to die at Armageddon.

    When did we stop researching the WTS? At first we were very busy getting our lives on track. We had to get jobs, my husband was cleaning windows. We eventually studied for degrees to get better jobs so we could buy a small house. Then we had a baby before it was too late for us.

    Your life has been different, you need to get your head clear for the sake of your family. When to stop researching? When you are sure you will never return to thinking it's the truth.

    Just take your time and realise that this is the beginning of a very long journey. If you want to stop and take a break then that's a good idea. Each time I read a new book I had to take a break from reading for a week to take it in. We were sheltered from reality and facing up to it can be hard.

    As smiddy said many of us have continued researching the Bible and found it equally wanting. The WTS didn't stop us believing, our research did. Take your time, keep it to yourself for now and come on here to vent. Where you stop your research is entirely up to you. Personally I love reality, but it's not for the faint-hearted. Take care.

  • zeb
    Vinman you have a pm from Australia.
  • Fernando

    Welcome vinman.

    Our family was introduced to the transformative and liberating unabridged gospel of grace at the end of 2005.

    This remains our preoccupation and passion to this date.

    We walked out for good mid-2009 and now identify as SBNR (Spiritual But Not Religious).

    It took around 3 to 4 years after quitting the Watchtower to largely get over the exJW preoccupation.



    PS - Many here suggest and have found that questions work best with family members as it gives them the opportunity to make up their own minds and come to their own conclusions (a luxury you yourself have now enjoyed). Praying about the right questions to ask is priority. Many here can also suggest questions. My bias is toward questions related to the "Good News" or gospel in the Watchtower's own publications. For example: what is the "plan of salvation". Please feel free to PM me if you'd like to chat further.

  • Witness My Fury
    Witness My Fury

    People like me dont willingly become an atheist just because the watchtower is a cult, you are making a school boy error in thinking so or else the programming of the watchtower is still working in making you think all atheists are bitter twisted apostates. It's early days for you on your journey so you will be making these mistakes so all is forgiven.

    I gave the bible every chance to prove itself when i left the JWs 5 years ago, i read and read and read the bible and everything about it i could lay my hands on, it failed, it still fails and will continue to fail. Anyone who doesnt think it fails hasnt given it the chance to do so and is not being honest with themselves.

    After being lied to all my life as i too was a born in i made the single honest choice that i would double check everything and not be lied to anymore, i chose an evidence based life. That means not choosing to believe something because it feels good or gives the warm and fuzzies, but because it is based on damn good evidence however unsettling the result may be. I wanted there to be a god, i wanted the bible to be true and mainly if i am honest so that my whole life up to that point hadnt been wasted stuck in a cult believing in fairy tales. It was painful to follow the path of evidence straight to atheism, it was not what i wanted but was the truth.

    Those who continue to cling to believe in god simply havent done enough honest research.

  • SonoftheTrinity

    Witness my fury, have you considered the higher criticism rejected by the fundamentalists? Or even deism?

    If Christ himself quoted "I have said ye are gods", and Christ is our King, is not the Kingdom of God among us even if there is no Almighty. Saying you are an atheist is like saying you are a vegan. Its a strong statement against the existence of God, without the humility of agnosticism.

    I am a Rastaman and I love the terrible name of Jehovah, but being married to a Jehovah's Witness is frustrating. It leads me to say things like "Fire Burn the Watchtower with Lightning and Brimstone!"

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