I just saw a pic of my abusive ex husband and his new wife...

by cognac 5 Replies latest jw friends

  • cognac

    Holy crap, she has the same kind of look I do. Something about her really reminds me of me. Anyways, I feel bad for her. Glad I don't have that life anymore! It seemed like every little thing was such a struggle back then.

    I remember he wanted a baby. That baby would have been completely different then the baby I have now. It would of had dark skin, probably brown eyes, and probably a head full of hair. Not to mention it would have been totally messed up because of the relationship I was in.

    Now I have an extremely happy blue eyed, almost bald, light haired baby girl with a great daddy! I'm so grateful for the way things turned out. I really feel bad for his new wife girl though...

  • OnTheWayOut

    You sound like such a caring person. If you shared your caring with the new wife, she and the ex would be so ungrateful and troublesome.
    But it is nice to see where we could have been and to be grateful ourselves that we are not there.

  • cognac

    Thanks OTWO. I tried doing what I thought was best back then. Going to the elders. I eventually got a restraining order and pressed charges. The charges never went anywhere though due to lack of evidence. Even though he had admitted the abuse to the elders, the elders didn't try to protect this poor girl from him and they wouldn't go to the authorities with the information they had. They let him become a publisher and get baptised even though only a few months had passed after I pressed charges. 6 months to be exact. 6 months and they let him because a publisher. 13 months after charges were pressed and they let him become baptised.

    I actually did try to get in touch with the girl to warn her. I even had an Elders blessing and encouragement about it. I found her email address and tried to warn her. I never heard back.

    The Elders in my hall were horrified that the elders in his hall let him become baptised. One elder said, "He is going to have to answer to Jehovah for his decisions."

  • ColdRedRain

    Your prospective baby would have looked a bit like a golliwog?

  • jamiebowers

    You know Cognac, our experiences are the exact opposite. The elders tried to bully me into remaining in an abusive marriage even though I had enough evidence of my jw husband's craziness to have him committed to a mental institution. After I filed for divorce, my ex's uncle who was an elder got a message to me asking that I warn the new girlfriend about him. My response was that no one warned me and that I'd given up everything, my home, most of my possessions, my friends and family and refused spousal support to get him out of my life and that I wouldn't do anything to bring him back in.

    While talking to a non jw mutual friend a few years later, I was told that she seemed terrified of him. The friend said that every question he asked her, she looked to my ex to answer. Wierd, huh?

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee


    I could have written that - well except for the baby part.

    I always thought my ex married a JW who looked very similar to me. I thought we were a lot alike in appearance even before I left. Then was shocked when they announced their engagement.

    In my case I had his two daughters who left the JWs when I did. But this gal had 2 daughters who were 4 yrs younger than mine but were also 4 years apart like mine. Eerie. Very eerie. I think everyone kept saying that God was rewarding him just like Job and replacing what he had lost.

    And I too very very sorry for her. I kept talking myself into calling her and warning her but finally realized she would never listen to a person who was DFed and probably had an ax to bear. So I kept quiet and 10 years later she committed adultery like I did just to get away from him.

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