The Early Fade Sheparding Calls.....

by lepermessiah 8 Replies latest jw friends

  • lepermessiah

    I went through some earlier topics, but wanted a little more input.

    I wanted to get some ideas on how some of you handled the sheparding visit requests as you faded.

    We had one about a month ago, and fortunately the elders did most of the talking. Everytime I was about to comment on something, the other one would chime in so I didnt have to go off on any tangents.

    I was told last night by my wife that they would like to come by again. They know that:

    1) I am disgusted with the hypocrisy I have seen over the years

    2) I really dont want to attend meetings

    3) I had an incident with Big Brother's response to a matter via a letter which disgusted me

    There is more to the story than that, obviously, but I want to be careful as to what I say.

    I guess I want to figure out a way to say what I want to say to them without saying it - LOL

    I like the men personally, so its not someone i would just tell to F off. I want to be kind but firm. I know the drill when it comes to committee matters, so I think I have an idea what NOT to say, but I dont want to waste my time or theirs with repeated visits.

    God, this is like McCarthyism............LOL

  • dissed

    I can't relate because they never really came by to visit officially. But hey why should they?

    We were only Reg. pioneering with a baby, an Elder used at the District, Regional, and Circuit level, and teaching at the Pioneer school. They have better things to do I guess.

  • wobble

    They came to see me,eventually, after hearing rumours of my views,from Dubs who had promised me they would keep my words confidential,so much for their word.

    I handled it much as you describe your fist visit,let them ramble on, let the "Loyalty Question " (Do you believe it is God's Org) hang in the air so long ,that one Elder got embarassed and started waffling and they never returned to it.

    BE WARNED this time they will be out to trap you, if you wish to continue your fade you must give the impression you still believe everything, and then they are powerless.just nod, and say yes at the right time.Do not be provoked into pointing out how silly their views are, you know you can demolish all their beliefs, but they must never know this, this is called Theocratic Warfare (Tee Hee)

    I did gently ask some questions that may have planted seeds with them ,who knows ?

    Good Luck ! Be carefull, and don't let the bastards grind you down !



  • Finally-Free

    My "fade" lasted just a couple of months. I had no patience for it. For 20 years I was a good little JW, quiet, obedient, and pioneering™ often. In all that time they barely knew I existed, and only called when they wanted some free favour. Suddenly when I missed a couple of meetings they couldn't leave me alone. I'm quiet and easygoing for the most part, but I need my personal space. They encroached on that in spite of several polite requests for them to back off and leave me alone. The phone calls turned into knocks on the door, which turned into pounding on the door, and eventually into a car chase which nearly got my spouse into an accident.

    Needless to say, I became less polite after that incident, and I've been free ever since.


  • diamondiiz

    Let them speak as that's mostly what they all do. You know what they want to hear so don't tell them what they don't want to hear :) As for not attending meetings you can tell them you're not interested right as you don't have the time. You tell them you know the meetings are very important but right now you just don't have the time..... Go in circles if you have to just as they do and you can tell them to stop coming around as at the present time you just need a break. Hopefully they will respect that otherwise you may have to be rude as there is no other way. Best of luck with your fade

  • no more kool aid
    no more kool aid

    This is the problem with the fade. My advice is rip it off like a band aid. Some meeting has to be your last meeting anyway. Just don't go anymore and don't answer the phone or the door, they will give up. I would definitely not meet with them again. If you go back it will start all over again. Good luck!

  • OnTheWayOut

    I just said, "No thanks" or "I know how to contact you if I need you." "I know how to do research in the WT Library."

    Fades are not for everyone. If they don't let you do it easily, you have to take some stands. No More Kool Aid is generally correct. Even if you cannot just stop (hoping it makes a difference to family or something) entirely now, see what just saying "No thanks" does for your situation.

    They do usually give up after awhile.

  • WTWizard

    I always made the hounders think I was at the other boasting session. I also put in field circus slips for multiple months on separate slips, in different color ink for each slip, so they would think it was their fault when mine turns up missing the next month.

    Then, one day in 2005, I simply pulled the plug on them altogether. Ultimately it was the combination of how Jehovah made the opposite sex continually not want me around (why should I reward that Almighty Lowlife Scumbag for a stunt like that?) and that I was wasting time doing any time at all (and that "epidemic" of Asleep!-induced "Marfans syndrome" that started with the Asleep! article around that time did nothing to help me want to stay in). And, I never bothered going back to the Kingdumb Hell to find out what the Asleep! was going to come up with next. (And I never even got that issue of the Asleep! myself).

    As for hounding calls, confusion as to which hounder in which congregation prevented them from finding me so far. They asked me which book study in which congregation would do the most good (to assign me), but I did not give them a straight answer (instead, I just kept missing them).

  • SirNose586

    I wonder how my fade is going to go. I think I've got a slight advantage in that around the time I stopped attending meetings, my folks went to a different hall and my sister started going to another hall as well.

    Not one phone call from elders or friends--just one from my grandparents--and I haven't been to a meeting since mid August.

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