Toxic Family - Why Are You So Selfish?

by shamus100 12 Replies latest jw friends

  • shamus100

    It never ceases to amaze me how many people are succumbing to low-self esteem by allowing toxic family members dictate their lives, and sit by like sheepish puppy-dogs while they get berated and told that they are basically crowfood shit.

    "Oh, I'm just trying to keep the peace", some may say. I say you need to go on the offensive. And not the way that you imagine offensive.

    Family in the typical high-control group just cannot get their heads around the fact that it is possible to live life happy and free away from the cult - so they will readily participate in this activity any chance they can. What can you do? Cut off the conversation like cancer.

    DON'T let them get the chance to talk about the kingdumb hall. DON'T let them get the chance to talk about anything. You need to be selfish and talk only about yourself - and how happy you are, what you are looking forward to, how many friends you have, how wonderful work is going... go on, and on, and on. Do not ask a single solitary thing about them. Believe me, they will soon get the picture. They want to start talking about something negative / i.e. another sibling who isn't doing that well in the "truth?". Shut them down - change the subject, or end the phone conversation.

    "Lovers of god rather than lovers of themselves". BULLSHIT. Just because you don't buy into a cult does not mean that you are loving yourself. You are doing the right thing by loving your life and being happy. Also, you are cutting out the affected family member that is completely brainwashed by a high-control group.

    "You talk like an apostate". (definition - turning your back on god) BULLSHIT. When in the fuck did turning your back on a cult make you an apostate against god? More nonsense thrown at you by brainwashed nitwits.

    The only way that you will be happy is to cut the dub shit out like cancer. And believe you me, if they keep up the negative talk, YOU need to cut them out of your life like cancer alltogether and hope they will come to their senses one day.

    Don't believe that inner voice of low-self esteem you hear all the time. Stop letting these people take control of your lives today.

  • jamiebowers

    What a great pep talk, Shamus! None of my jw relatives will speak to me, so I can't employ your methods, but I would if I could.

  • cognac

    I was just thinking about that... I've been around preachy JWs lately and hadn't figure out a way to deal with the annoying, self-righteous preachiness... Thanks for posting!

  • coffee_black

    I'm so glad I don't have to deal with that any more....

    Hi-ya! Waves at cognac ~


  • LucyA

    See my mother does it SNEAKY. I'll give you an example a Friend of mine died recently and I went to the funeral. This I how this conversation went.

    Me: Hi Mum

    Her : Hi. How are you?

    Me: Fine

    Her: BLAH BLAH BLAH small talk.

    Her: How was the funeral?

    Me: Depressing (as it shold be)

    Her: Pardise earth me returning ec

    Me: BLAH BLAH BLAH Small talk Fuming

    In my head though I'm yelling how DARE you use my friends death against me. MUST BE RESPECTFUL!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

  • shamus100


    You gave her a chance.

    i.e. How was the funeral?

    Oh, depressing - but what can you do? But so and so was there and looked so good - and the family is doing so good. Oh, did I tell you about....

    Don't let her get a word in edge wise.

    It's not about dealing with it. It's about being selfish and having the conversation being about you and only you. And when you are done talking about you, the conversation should end - that's it. You get it - shes in a cult, shes brainwashed, shes going to bring you down, so don't let her.

    Now what if it continues? Write a letter stating that you don't appreciate the negative comments, and that you have changed your life to a positive way of life. If you continue being negative, then you want nothing to do with it anymore, and there is no need to keep calling.

    You gotta stand up for yourself.

  • LucyA

    Thanks you gave me some things to think about I forgot to say however your first post was really well thought out you are right.

    If your parent doesn't respect your opinons do you have to respect theirs?

  • shamus100



    And even if they respect their opinions, you do not have to respect theirs. The belong to a destructive cult, and you need to protect your mental health, above all.

    If you let them berate you, you are being selfless.

  • truthseekeriam


    I'm so going to try this.

  • WTWizard

    As I see it, they have the right to discuss the religion as much as they please. However, if they are trying to coerce you into joining or into going back, they have gone beyond that right.

    Suppose you join the Catholic church, and start using the same techniques the witlesses are to try and get the witlesses to become Catholics? I am sure the witlesses would have a lot to say against your "Satanic" coercion to get them to join Satan's religion. Yet, they expect Catholics to become witlesses, and will call foul if you mention that their Satanic coercion to get you to join the witless religion is no better.

    And, if they cannot discuss their religion without trying to coerce you into becoming a witless or going back, you are better off without them. Be selfish--there is nothing wrong with the kind of selfishness that looks after your own interests. It is only when you are trying to force or defraud someone into doing something for you that they would not wisely do given the proper information that "selfishness" is a bad thing.

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