Growing up as a JW?

by Nicolas 9 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Nicolas

    Hi, just wanted to share a bit of my experience, especially in my childhood. I've been a lurker for a while here. Dunno if my experience is unique (probably not), I've been in the JW for almost all of my childhood, then I became inactive around the age of 12 because I followed my parents when they decided to become inactive. Anyway, I was still trapped in the same mindset, it wasn't until around the age of 18 that I began questioning what I learned as a child.

    Now I live as an adult atheist (I prefer rational thinking rather than religion) and I think I'm finally beginning to find peace, but I still get this feeling that I don't belong anywhere, as if I was an outsider. It's hard for me to maintain relationship with friends because I always feel that I'm not interesting enough for them. On top of that, I'm still trying to find out what I want to do with my life, I'm still young at 26 but I just hope I will finally be able to find an area so that I can get something like a college degree and finally find a job I can enjoy. I've worked as a graphic designer for 5 years but I was tired of white collar job.

    Also, I realized that life may seem to be easier when you are inside the WBTS org, you have a fellowship and you don't have to worry about the future as Armageddon will supposedly come very soon but, that is not the life I want. I want to do something worthwhile, I want to get to know people and I want to make a difference (ie help people), I already worked as a volonteer, at a suicide hotline, for one year but then I moved to a new area to try to find new jobs and new opportunities. The hardest part for me, is when I get this feeling that I'm worthless, it become hard to get to know new people and find new friends.

  • LucyA

    I once wrote this for my clinicly depressed sister I thought you might like to read it too.


    I once read somewhere that true freedom can ’ t be achieved without sacrifice. If that ’ s true the children of JW truly have earned their freedom because we have sacrificed allot. We sacrificed our childhoods and our sense of self to an organization that ’ s sole purpose is to control its members. We sacrificed our freedom and the ability to express ourselves

    The thing is second generation JW didn’t choose this sacrifice for many of us this sacrifice was made for us long before we were born without our permission or input. We are just expected to be OK with it. We played the game we tried very hard reach the goal posts we sweated blood we attended all meetings we did our pre-study, we went witnessing and followed all the rules (well the ones we could there ’ s too many to follow them all). But just when you got within spitting distance of the goal posts somebody moved them on you and you had too do it all over again. This of course became very frustrating after awhile and we became dejected or depressed or both only to be informed that this was our fault for not trying hard enough so we tried harder not just happy with being baptised we had pioneer too but soon that was not good enough again was had to A.P (this is the only part I feel sorry for the men about once you became an A.P as a women their was no where else to go for the men theirs a whole list of other things for you not to be good enough for.)

    Sacrifice is an extremely difficult concept for anyone to grasp but many of us realised to gain our freedom and sanity we needed to make one final sacrifice the largest and hardest of them all. We had too sacrifice our relationships with the only people we had ever been able to create relationships with our only friends (in my case) and this was the most painful sacrifice of all because these were the people we loved who we grew with who helped raise us and we knew that they would walk past us in the street without even a courtesy hello we ceased to exist in their eyes and in their hearts. For many of our friends and family members this sacrifice was too much and they remain as we were under the thumb of an organisation that can ’ t allow its members to take a breath for fear that they find their strength to do the same as us.

    We have truly earned our freedom and how many people can say that?

  • greenie

    Going to school is a great way to get to know some new friends! There are campus organizations you can join. There might also be some sort of sports (like coed basketball or football, etc.) that you could get into. You could look at one of those "Best Places to Live" articles and move to a city or spend some time there for a new adventure. Are there any sports teams you like? You could join their booster club and meet people. And please don't worry about not being interesting enough for your friends! Friends draw from each other and share interests to make everyones lives more interesting!

  • Out at Last!
    Out at Last!

    The first thing you need to do is get an education so you are not washing windows or cleaning toilets for the rest of your life. Not that there is anything wrong with those occupations, but is that what you WANT to do? You can start taking a few classes each semester, you have to take Art, Music appreciation at first, then pick subjucts that interest you. I took English, Psychology and History. After you see what you like or what subjects you excel at, pick a major and pursue it.

    That is how I did it, and I haven't been in school in 25 years, so you do not have as much rust on you as I did.There you will meet all kinds of people from all ages and backgrounds.

    Live life and enjoy. All the best to you, look forward to seeing more posts in the future.

  • dissed

    Even if its only one class you take at a comunity college, you will make friends that are serious about life and your interests. Some of those friendships you will gain for a lifetime.

  • OnTheWayOut

    Also, I realized that life may seem to be easier when you are inside the WBTS org, you have a fellowship and you don't have to worry about the future as Armageddon will supposedly come very soon but, that is not the life I want.

    Life is pretty easy when you are walking around the Magic Kingdom at DisneyWorld also. But sooner or later, you have to leave the fantasy.

    Many came out at young adulthood, slightly before or after that.

    I call myself a Rationalist if I am ready to explain why to people. It's awefully much like an atheist, but it's more of a rational way of thinking. I haven't been contacted by a Sky Daddy, so I don't believe in him. I will do God's will when God personally visits and explains it, because I was fooled once.

    You want to make a difference. That's awesome. You will find your purpose in life. Rock on.

  • The Berean
    The Berean

    No one else will tell you what I am going to, but please consider this and then accept the possibility or reject it.

    Many of us have found that starting over is difficult because of the programing we recieved during our formative years by those who claim they cared but really wished only to control. Unfortunately that control lasts often times for decades after we believe we have severed. For some it becomes a life-long disease.

    Here's what has liberated me to some extent. I have come to believe that the WBTS is demon possesed and as such is too great a match for the "mind over matter" approach. When I actually realized that to be true, it explained the confusion and mental anguish I had experienced. It also stopped me from searching for a higher power which would also likely make Satanic supporters happy.

    Finding your "passion" outside religion will help to exorcise the evil you have been exposed to. This may sound extreme, yet the many I have watched hold on to hate and anger long after the fact tells me they have never really been freed.

    Liberation will finally come when you think less and less about your painful past because you are too busy trying to leave the earth a better place after you are gone by making PRACTICAl contributions now. Please work hard at finding that "niche." To be sure there is at least one thing that you are better at than anyone else. Finding that will compensate for all the lost time. Evil spirits would want us to lead a nomadic life of in obscurity. Fight back! Even the Bible suggests: "oppose the Devil and he will flee from you." (James 4:7)

    Watching those in the organization for over fifty years and wishing you success,


  • WTWizard

    True, it is easier in the organization in one sense. The thinking is already done for you, and you will not be doing any more. But remember, that is what makes the broad and spacious road "easy" to follow--no need to think.

    Once you leave the witlesses, you are now responsible for your own thinking. That is extra work, making it that much harder for those who leave and are not ready to do their own thinking. But I recommend it anyways--doing your own thinking will give you the tools to make a better living. Yes, you should go to college--if only to qualify for a job or to round out your education. And, do whatever suits you instead of what the Filthful and Disgraceful Slavebugger wants you to.

  • Nicolas

    LucyA, your letter almost made me cry. It has been a long road since I began questioning what I learned and I had my share of depressing thought but I just hope I will finally be able to make more progress even if I fail sometime. I was getting ready to start a bachelor degree in social working, but then I changed my mind at the last minute because it would have been impossible to do it without moving at more than 700 miles from home. Now, I'm out of work because the company for which I was working as a graphic designer is going bankrupt but I'm trying to use this moment as a time for reflexion and change in my life. That's why I'm also looking for college degree, because I think I could get something where I would be helping other people, without having to go to university.

    I don't know if I have more anger than regrets, anger that I believed all the bullshit they had taugt me. I refused to have fun with people, in high school only because I thought what they were doing was a sin. I refused to even consider having a girlfriend because I thought it was a sin to do it without getting married. Now I know, it was silly but that won't bring back all those moments I lost.

  • LucyA

    Hope things get better Nicolas it becomes easier with time and study the more I understand of how I was programed the more relaxed I become about things that before would have freaked me out.

    Best of Luck

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