Dave used to tell me that there were more stages to recovery than anyone can really explain... or however he said it that was always so cool. Maybe it's because we never really recover. I hear from old friends every now and then and think of many more who I met since I started this trip almost 7 years ago.
Sometimes an old family member has a reason to call you and you go through a lot of emotions that are part of why you choose to leave. Maybe now it's not with piss and vinegar and hate, or fear, if it ever was, but now it's with a bittersweet nostalgia. You no longer wish things could be different, you don't hope for old friends and family to realize the truth. You don't hope anymore because you've learned, once you reach a certain point, you pretty much have to stay in and really wouldn't wish on anyone the path leaving requires. You still wish they didn't talk to you like you're an idiot. And you really honestly miss having a family, even if it was fake.
Even more intricate is the part of recovery which is rebuilding yourself. The knowledge changes you. All the sudden you have a whole new picture in your head of what the future holds. How do you handle that? I don't know. The past year has been more of a stripping away for me. Some exciting things have happened, but for that year I've been ultrafocused on a goal which required everything else to be shut out, or at least all but the bare minimum. No people to influence any decisions, just solitude and autonomy. It's like I had to back away from everything about who I was, and then try to figure out what I really want to do with the rest of the life I have now. On top of that...I wonder how long I really have to do it.
My near future holds some incredibly healthy and exciting chaos, I hope the other kind is done with me, I've had a lifetime's worth already.