What happens after you get out.

by wanderlustguy 10 Replies latest jw friends

  • wanderlustguy

    Dave used to tell me that there were more stages to recovery than anyone can really explain... or however he said it that was always so cool. Maybe it's because we never really recover. I hear from old friends every now and then and think of many more who I met since I started this trip almost 7 years ago.

    Sometimes an old family member has a reason to call you and you go through a lot of emotions that are part of why you choose to leave. Maybe now it's not with piss and vinegar and hate, or fear, if it ever was, but now it's with a bittersweet nostalgia. You no longer wish things could be different, you don't hope for old friends and family to realize the truth. You don't hope anymore because you've learned, once you reach a certain point, you pretty much have to stay in and really wouldn't wish on anyone the path leaving requires. You still wish they didn't talk to you like you're an idiot. And you really honestly miss having a family, even if it was fake.

    Even more intricate is the part of recovery which is rebuilding yourself. The knowledge changes you. All the sudden you have a whole new picture in your head of what the future holds. How do you handle that? I don't know. The past year has been more of a stripping away for me. Some exciting things have happened, but for that year I've been ultrafocused on a goal which required everything else to be shut out, or at least all but the bare minimum. No people to influence any decisions, just solitude and autonomy. It's like I had to back away from everything about who I was, and then try to figure out what I really want to do with the rest of the life I have now. On top of that...I wonder how long I really have to do it.

    My near future holds some incredibly healthy and exciting chaos, I hope the other kind is done with me, I've had a lifetime's worth already.


  • purplesofa

    Good to see you, sounds like you are doing awesome.


  • BabaYaga

    Agreed. Good to see you. Thank you for making me smile.

  • quietlyleaving

    I agree with dave - there are more stages to recovery than anyone can explain and they are mostly challenging

    good to hear from you

  • Hopscotch

    wanderlustguy your observation of the process many of us go through on our journey away from our JW life is spot on.

    All the best for your future which sounds really good.


  • lockwood

    Then finally the WT are as interesting as all other religions - and become just another 'theatrical spectical' and irrelevant to your life. Though i don't have family in it and so it's been easier for me after 20yrs to extricate myself. My heart goes out to those who do, it must be excruciatingly confusing.

  • whataburger

    It was quite a shock to me, that very moment when I realized the "Truth" was not everything I needed it to be. It's been a long, drawn out process of getting everything straight in my mind, so that I could have the confidence and the peace to simply admit to myself that I had been fooled. Trusted family members who didn't know any better made me not question things when I was younger... but now I am older and I question everything, I see the flip side to everything now.

    What really pains me is that I could have left sooner, 10 YEARS sooner had these message boards been different. This one is not as bad as it used to be - but there are a group of anti-JW's out there that are so cruel, and so vile, and so wrong about the issues that I blocked this out for a long time.

    Had they been a little less vile, it would have made the journey even easier. I imagine I am not alone. I don't know all the names, but Tom Talley is one of them - he is so twisted, and has done so much harm, I wonder what his true motives were. I would see his post, and try to understand what he was talking about, but in the end I sensed something terrible - and then when the news articles came out, it all made sense, but solidified why I could listen to "those" people.

    And then you have the ones who associate every bit of bad news with JW's. They use the reasoning that the crime or circumstance can somehow be compared back to the JW's. Or they postulate that the criminal was a JW. That's great, we get that you hate JW's, but can we stop the bashing and talk about something real?

    And so, ten years later, I sit here convinced that it is, what it is - and thats a sham religion started over 100 years ago by a charismatic man who is dead and gone, and his ideas are now outdated. Through some mind control and isolation techniques, they are keeping the mystique alive, but not for long.

    I have friends that are strong in the Truth, and will never leave. But they are so predictable, and fit the mold of how hard core JW's are portrayed here... Especially the concept of extreme reasoning, where they counter any legit argument you make with some extreme example of how Brooklyn is correct.

  • lisavegas420

    WLG....It's good to see you, I remember you've been though much over the past few years. It's good to know you are coming out on top.

    Thanks for the post and update.


  • jeanniebeanz

    Hi, Whataburger. Glad you were able to make it out in spite of the challenges. Great post.


    There are a lot of stages. I've been out for more than 15 years, and still find my opinions and even my personality in flux. Eventually, in my case, you really don't think about it much. I hardly come here anymore. Have yet to make it to an apostafest, but would likt to. Other than that, it's just about dead in me.

    Thank goodness. :)


  • blondie

    Hi WLG, thanks for adding to my day.

    Love, Blondie

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