applicant on the rise

teejay

The following is (supposedly) an actual job application that a 17yr-old submitted at a McDonald's in Florida, U.S.A. He was hired for his humor and honesty...
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NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

AVAILABLE TO WORK: Of course! That's why I'm applying.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 – 3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS? Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR? I think a more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE? On the job, no; on breaks, yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that right now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE? Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries
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However this was received (if it is true), it's one sure way for your app to stand out. Seems that it would almost guarantee you an interview, especially if you have the personality to back it up.

I'm passing it on to some teenagers I know.

COMF

I remember reading something strikingly similar to this--possibly the same thing--about 30 years ago, in Readers' Digest. Since the magazine reported that the applicant was hired, I tried it on a couple of applications. I was NOT called for an interview.

(sigh) Back to reality...

COMF

AlanF

You should have applied at MacDonald's, Comf.

Great bit of humor, Teejay!

AlanF

seven006

I had an interview for a executive position with a company here in Oregon a few weeks ago. The interview lasted almost two hours and was conducted by the vice president of operations. After the interview I was given a piece of paper and asked to write a few paragraphs on subject matter of my own choosing so that my hand writing could be analyzed. I looked at the VP I was interviewing with and said "you've got to be kidding, can't I just pee in a cup?"

My had writing is not only illegible to most people trying to read it, it's illegible to me. Even though it was my hand writing they were looking at I was hoping they might actually read the message.
Here is what I scribbled on the paper:

I have always ascribed to the thought that it is not what you say but how you say it that counts. This little exercise opens up a new concept that it is not what you write that counts, but how you write it.

You could not have chosen a more embarrassing task for me to accomplish. My handwriting is in the simplest terms completely illegible. I think my high school english teacher Mr. Olsen said it best: "I have never seen a person who could draw some the most beautiful picuters I have ever seen but then turn around and have his hand writing look like it was in a car accedent."

In most things I have a very open mind even when contemplating the most abstract of thought. This one I find very interesting. I still have my doubts, but those doubts can be shattered with a gleaming analysis of my high intellect, sparkling personality and love of all small creatures. If a bad report is forthcoming I will stand up and shout "This is a travesty".

I have just one questions for those who are deciphering my criptic scribbling. Can you do a personality profile on a blind man by reading what he has written in braille?

I will end this little test with my favorite quote:
"You can always judge the character of a person by they way they treat others who can do nothing for them at all."

-end of writing test

I have my third and final interview with the CEO this Friday. I'm bringing a little cup of pee just in case.

Dave

Seeker

The best job interviews I've had have been more like conversations than interviews. We discuss a few things, laugh a bit, meander all over the place. Just like a conversation.

On this one interview, the best of my life, at one point the guy said to me, out of the blue, "Tell me a joke." I looked at him dumbly for a moment, asked if he meant what he just said, and when he repeated his request I told him a joke. When I was done, he told me I was the first person who had ever actually been able to tell a joke on the spot. I was hired.

There was a purpose to this, of course, as the job involved dealing with people and representing the company in a competent manner. He wanted to see if I could think on my feet and remain fluent even in unexepected moments. As I said, a very fun interview.

ashitaka

Dave, that's great, pretty funny. Enjoyed it.

ashi

teejay

Comf,

I'm not surprised to know that there would be some HR managers out there with little regard for the humor shown by this applicant. The thought crossed my mind when I read over the email the first time.

For example, my terminal manager is super-serious and as a rule takes himself, and others, way more serious than the situation calls for -- all business, all the time. Still, I think there are less-grave people out there that might find a bit of character in the application. I think I would. I HOPE I would.
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Interesting story, Dave.

Sorry, but I'll always have a hard time understanding people who have poor penmanship. Hope it doesn't cost you the job. Somehow, I have the feeling you don't need to worry.

Simon

I like the 'readers letter' I saw once in Viz:

"I'm sick and tired of peolpe saying that we fast food assistants are stupid ... of course we are - that's why we're serving fries! Would you rather we were practicing brain surgery?"

Sorry if I've offended anyone who does this job for real

applicant on the rise

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