Begining of the end

voltaire

I don't post often and many of you seem to be relatively new to the board, so you may not know me or my situation. I've been struggling with some the usual issues that are commented on here on a regular basis. Last Sunday the elders finally asked me why I haven't been in service for the last two months. (actually it's four, but I made up time for two months because I wasn't ready to deal with it all before) Sometime this week I'll talk to one of them. I'll basically have to tell him that I don't think it's the truth and that I can't conscientiously teach anyone to believe something I don't believe to be true. I'm sure we'll go in circles for a good long while. He may ask me if I've read "apostate" material. I'm planning on being truthful. I don't feel I have anything to be ashamed of. They, on the other hand, should be very ashamed for trying to control what others see and hear. I've been thinking and planning for more than a year, so I'm well prepared emotionally. (Well, sort of. It's still going to be tough) I've made some great friends. This week I'll be celebrating Christmas with two groups. No Christmas for years and now twice in one season! I'm writing this because I really don't have anyone who understands the witness thing. My new friends think it's absolutely nuts! They're sympathetic, of course, but can't really relate.
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I'll let you know what hapens. Merry Christmas! ( That felt good)

uncle jimbo

voltaire-

I've been thinking and planning for more than a year, so I'm
well prepared emotionally. (Well, sort of. It's still going to be tough)

I admire your thoughtfulness on the subject. I'm curious, do you have any family and/or friends in the organization you are particularly close to and not prepared to entirely lose? Because you will. I know it feels good to tell the elder's off, but frankly once your lips start moving, the programming takes over and you will get absolutely nowhere.

there is someone who posts here with username "JT". He gives the best wisdom on how to handle the subject. His advise is usually to turn the "theocratic warfare" against them. Avoid the SOB's. If they pin you down, say your busy, a little down, whatever.

Honesty will only hurt you and frankly you are putting them in control by letting them bait you into a gunfight you simply can't win.

The last month I turned time in for was January 2000. As long as I mumble something about "being busy with school" or "really swamped at work," they never push the subject very far. His advice has worked for me.

still in the trenches,
uncy

ashitaka

Listen to Jimbo and JT

ashi

Pathofthorns

You don't owe anyone an explanation. They have no authority over you except that which you allow them to have.

When you are sure and confident in your decision, then vote with your feet. You might as well be speaking a foreign tongue as you try to explain why you are leaving. Don't waste your breath.

Welcome to the real world.

Path

rem

Voltaire,

Good luck! Many of us have been in similar situations. I had a talk with my elders and had to step down as an MS. I really wanted to anyway, but it was difficult to step down. I stopped turning in my time, but they didn't seem to care about that! Weird.

Anyway, I basically told them of many things that I didn't think made sense, but I made sure I never said that I didn't believe in the FDS. Every time the subject came around, I dodged it. That's what kept me from getting DF'd.

That was the best decision for me and my wife, and now we have just faded away and no one bothers us anymore. I like the fact that I'm not DF'd. They don't know what to do with me - they can't control me. I like watching them squirm sometimes! :)

But my situation is a bit strange. My congregation is very liberal, so I may have been DF'd in another, more conservative congregation (in fact my hometown congregation was trying to get my elders to DF me). My advice is to just dodge them as long as possible. Getting DF'd or DA'ing yourself usually doesn't accomplish much but make people believe you did something really bad and deserving of the punishment. As a slow fader, you can still talke to the witnesses and even help others to see the truth about the 'truth' if that is your desire. Once you are formally DF'd or DA'd, those opportunities are usually lost.

Not sure if you care about that, though. Everybody's situation is different. It's a difficult transition, but once it's over things are much easier!

I hope all goes well for you. Keep in touch and let us know how you are getting along.

rem

"We all do no end of feeling, and we mistake it for thinking." - Mark Twain

voltaire

Thanks for the comments and support. It really does mean a lot me. My wife is a witness. If it weren't for her, I'd simply move away and not leave the secretary any forwading address. I've thought about trying the avoidance thing. I assume the elders will keep inviting me out in service and trying to talk to me. The truth is, I feel at this point that I prefer to be honest. I don't plan to tell anyone off. But I just want the elders to know that I don't agree with the society on some points.I plan to be respectful and I'm not going to argue because I know they're not open to reasoning. (Though I won't tell them that) They can believe what they want, but I must believe what makes most sense to me. I would call myself agnostic. At this point in my life I simply want to go my own way. I don't want to have to hide the fact that I go to a Christmas party from my wife or that I bought someone a Christmas gift. I have found that being in the spot I'm in is terribly uncomfortable. I don't want to participate in the meetings or go in service. But I do want to go with my wife on Sundays for the support that gives her. ( She's pretty distraught over it all) It's very taxing to feel like you can't say what's on your mind. Does anyone relate? Has anyone felt that it would be a relief to say what you think in a respectful way? If so, how did it go?

COMF

I'm writing this because I really don't have anyone who understands the witness thing.

Man, can I relate! That's the main thing that keeps me posting on this board.

A suggestion, voltaire: get in touch with Cygnus and talk to him about how he did it. Cyg has a wife still in, and he decided to take the fading-away position rather than just fess up to doubting. It worked for a long time; for about three years they left him alone even though he grew his hair long and grew a beard. It only broke down when somebody decided to get him for having lunch with a disfellowshipped guy.

It's just a suggestion. It might be better to do the fade than to give them reason to disfellowship. I recommend it. I disassociated myself, but I think the slow fade is better.

COMF

Pathofthorns

I have managed to say many things in a careful way. I really get no where and they just quietly advise people not to associate with you.

The elders leave me alone, but one on one, I can get through to one person after another, but it takes much time and energy. I am beginning to tire of it and wish to leave it all behind these days, but you do what you can.

I say do what you feel to do and let the cards fall where they may. There is no statement to make, there are no explanations that are owed. From now on we just live life and when they finally kick me out, then that is when they kick me out.

Path

Doc_jedd

Voltaire, actualy im considering doing the same thing as you. i havent been out in service for at least a year (how can i preach something i dont believe?) havent been to the meetings in over 2 months, im tired of living a lie its time to come clean and move on. I just finished reading ISOCF and after that how could i ever consider myself a part of that organization ? The truth is i cant and im not going to sneek around about it either. Good luck in this matter ...........Jedd

erik

How do you feel now about celebrating Christmas? Especially knowing what the real origin of this celebration is.

Begining of the end

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