by Mulan 28 Replies latest jw friends
i usually do not comment on this kink of topics but here i go against myself.
"She wants suggestions on what to say to him when he says those comments to her, that will make him stop"
The best thing to say is say nothing, use a voice mail, dot not interact, they will never react in the way you spect, no matter what you say...
i have been on similar situations a couple of times, being called every two minutes etc.
You are unusually imperceptive, for someone who has stayed young and lovely as long as you, Marilyn.
COMF
Thank you everyone. I over reacted before and edited it. Sorry. I think I read it too fast and replied without mulling it over enough.
Thanks for correcting me.
Marilyn (a.k.a. Mulan)
Now, Comf, I apologized. Go back and read what I said. I replied too quickly.
Was that a crack about my age? I am sensitive about my age!! Bawwwww!!!
Marilyn (a.k.a. Mulan)
I replied to the unedited post. Speaking frankly, Marilyn: mine is the best advice there is. If you imagine the man is going to respond favorably to anything she says to him, no matter how right it is, no matter how well presented, then you are as deeply in denial as she is.
The solution is to break ties with him.
COMF
There. How's that "age" remark after editing?
MUCH BETTER!!!
I agree with you, and we have told her to do that, and she is to a certain extent. But, he keeps calling her and guilting her. As I said before, she is an abused woman, who feels responsible for him, and he gets to her. She knows she shouldn't talk to him, but she just wants to get ONE thing in that will stop him. There have been some good suggestion today, that I think he will hear. Nothing will stop the seperation, but maybe he will feel responsible for himself, finally, instead of always blaming her.
She got caller ID, so that will help too.
Marilyn (a.k.a. Mulan)
Mulan,
I went through a very similiar situation to your relative. The one big difference is that he left me. But the elders still blamed me.
Although my counselor had never met my ex she labeled him as a non-alcoholic alcoholic, meaning he displayed all the characteristics without actually imbibing.
One book that helped me tremendously to break free emotionally from the situation was Co-Dependent No More. Don't know the author, leant the book out and haven't gotten it back yet. But it is excellent in helping a person identify the problems and then break free from the cycle. My email is open and if your relative so wishes I would be glad to email her privately. Sometimes someone sharing that had a similiar situation is a big help!
Good luck to her!
TW
Mulan,
Sorry that your relative is going through this. Everyone has given great advice for her. Isn't it great how everyone rallies around for people in need? I haven't got any more advice to add, but please pass on to her my hugs and the good thoughts I'm sending her way. And if she ever decides to come here, let her know she will be warmly supported!
