have your kids screwed u over bad?...stolen from you?...how often?.....

by oompa 19 Replies latest jw friends

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  Sad emo

  He's 23?

  he's old enough to move out. if he was mine, he'd get another chance once and for all to get to the bottom of why he's stealing (because people don't generally steal just for the sheer hell of it) and seek help to sort out the cause. if he refused, and/or if the behaviour didn't stop then he'd be out - with a restraining order if necessary. If he landed on the streets, that's a consequence of his behaviour that he has to deal with. Tough love!

  He needs to be given a boundary and if he crosses that boundary then he must pay the consequences - immediately - because people will get away with as much as they want for as long as they can, it's our nature!

  Being 'harsh' with him doesn't mean you stop loving him though. He is old enough to be responsible for his own actions now so don't make excuses for him! Sometimes you really do have to be 'cruel' to be kind.
• 

  oompa

  yeah johndoe.....we are both good double lifers i guess......and sad emo he moved away at 17.....oompa
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  Quirky1

  I can relate partially. Neither has stolen from me but they owe me thousands for bailing them out when they are in jam they created themselves just because they won't listen to the advice of their parents. Hopefully they will mature someday and I know they will but it will take time. I just sit idle and watch them and still offer support. I love them both very much.
• 

  quietlyleaving

  Yup I believe in tough love and won't go more than half way

  edit - my children are angels but my brother and sister aren't
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  The Berean

  Perhaps the important thing is not to blame ourselves for choices people make simply because they are our offspring. I have two boys. One is a financially successful businessman (and Elder) and one just got out of prison ... penniless. I did read a survey yesterday that claims adults without children are reportedly happier. One of the reasons cited was a lack of stress generated by the next generation. Maybe some of the JWs got that part of it right by rufusing to have kids. (Or maybe they're just too repressed to have sex.)
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  journey-on

  Oompa, I feel for you on this one. If he was a total bad egg you would probably have no problem booting him out and cutting off the material flow, but because "he has no serious vices", you don't want to push him over to the other side completely. You feel there is still hope for him and so you always give him one more chance. Sounds like he has a case of extended adolescence. I'm no psychologist, but perhaps this stems from trying to be his friend in the past rather than his father. Going from teen to young adulthood has got to be the toughest stage of development there is. Good luck.
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  jstalin

  File a police report over the stolen credit card(s). Maybe a little reality will bring it home for him.
• 

  Robdar

  File a police report and have him arrested.

  Jail time has a way of waking little dumb asses up.
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  ninja

  yep ....my kids are total thieves....I fill the fridge with food.....a day or two later ...it's empty......grrrrr
• 

  restrangled

  Oompa, sorry you are going through this with a loved son.

  It happens and its usually the oldest kid.....the younger watches his parents in pain dealing with older siblings and knows better.

  The older, tests, tests, tests! If you continue to cosign on loans, bail him out, he will continue to expect you to do it. Yes he loves you, but based on past performance he knows dad will come through.

  We were in this same situation a few years ago. Our oldest son is a charmer, and knew how to play his mom and dad. We finally had to ask him to leave home,.... to get him to grow up in certain areas. He didn't steal from us, but on the other hand sometimes, it felt like it.

  I know you are hurting, but he knows dad, based on past performance, payments, and covering his ass. Put a stop to the finances....he will still love you and start taking care of himself. No more credit cards, cosigning, etc.

  It also is fair to the other kids.

  r.