Reluctant to tell others of JW past? (page 2)

hamsterbait

I want to be seen as MYSELF.

I dont want to be an EXJW. EXCATHOLIC EXCOMMUNIST.

I am who I am now, not what others see me to be through their ideas of what a witless or exwitless should be.

After all none of us identify ourselves as an ex fetus, or an ex child.

I was at a party where some of the guests introduced themselves as "Hi I Soandso I'm a recovering____"

"Hi I am Peggy Paterby, and I'm an ex JW." Barf!!!

Only JWs inject their religion into social situations and friendships. Only exJWs inject their former cult bondage into social situations.

"HI I am Peggy Paterby and I was tied up in a rat infested dungeon full of feces."

HB

BabaYaga

I think this is a good question, HappyEx.

I was in denial (even though I was "out") about my upbringing and background for two decades, and no, I didn't tell many people at all.

After discovering and spending some time on this board, I left the denial stage and got mad. I spent a little time passionately ranting to people during my "anger" stage. I'm glad that stage didn't last as long!

The thing that is disconcerting is that folks don't know what that means. Like Viva said:

Most people wouldn't take it much differently than if you said you used to be a catholic or baptist.

That is a problem when you do try to tell someone about your experience... they don't know what the big deal is. They know nothing except JW's come to your door on Saturday and don't salute the flag in school.

I don't know how to tell the story in a way most folks will understand. Where do we start?

happpyexjw

Thanks to all of you for sharing your thoughts on this question. As time goes on I find it easier to let go of things like guilt and shame over things I did when I was trying to walk the walk, but I still have lingering scars from the experience. However, I have to say there is an upside for me. I think it has made me a kinder, gentler person and way less judgemental than I might have been otherwise. When people do things that they shouldn't I find myself trying to make allowances for where they may have been in life. Maybe this was part of me anyway...I guess I'll never really know for sure. I know one thing -- It takes a long time to heal from this religion.

happpyexjw

Baba, I find your comment about the anger stage very interesting. I don't recall being angry. I do feel sorry for most of the people I knew who are still in. I think most of the R&F I knew were sincere, albeit misguided. I know I was. Some of the things I was required to do, like shunning family members who were DF'd were incredibly hard. There is no way I could have done that if I had not been convinced it was the "right" thing to do. I am ashamed that I was so taken in, but I thought I was pleasing God at the time. I really believe the same is true of the majority of current followers.

Of course, I also encountered some bad apples as well, including a close family member who molested two of my kids and managed to convince the elders that he was sorry and reformed. Part of me says he is a sick man, but the human part will be happier when he is dead. Come to think of it Babba, that whole situation does make me angry!

thanks for sharing all.

jws

I don't mind telling people. Of course it might be a little different for me because I was born into it. I didn't make a choice to accept it. Although I didn't leave immediately at 18 either.

I did try to hide it as best I could when I was growing up though. But now that I'm out and can view it in hindsight, it's easier to admit. I just love the shock value sometimes. To see me, most might assume I'm a rather conservative guy. To know me, you know I'm not. And to know I was once a JW comes as a shock to people who know me.

PanzerZauberei

There are scores of people who know me for years...even when I was an active jw that never even suspect that I was one. Carrying that label was like asking to be the neighborhood or workplace pariah....

BabaYaga

HappyEx...

I am so very sorry to hear about the experience you and your family went through. I hope your kids have had the strength to be able to get past it.

As for the anger? Like I said... it took me 20 years to get angry. If you are not angry yet... hold on tight. It's comin'. It's just another step to healing and acceptance... (which I am still looking forward to.)

Love,
Baba.

Mastodon

I'm not embarassed at all, to me it's kind of like a 'war story', one that I survived. On the other hand, I was always reluctant to admit I was a JW when I was active... go figure!

Blithe Freshman

I tell people when I have time to really let them know what it means to be a witness and how hard it is to leave.

I don't want to leave people with the impression like yeah I was a Luthern , now I'm Baptist. or that if I appear normal now it was not always so.

Blithe

Scarred for life

BabaYaga:

That's really interesting what you say about living in denial for so long. I did the same thing. I've been out for 37 years and it's only been in the past year that I have faced it and become angry and recognized where the anger is originating. I have also had some emotional sessions of ranting to my husband(never a JW), my sister, and my aunt(no longer a JW). I also told a good friend of mine that I was born and raised a JW. I had never told anyone that about me (except for my husband and that was only because I was forced to when we went to my grandmother's funeral) I had never even talked to my husband about it when he occasionally asked questions about it. I just didn't want to talke about it. I wanted to pretend that it had never happened and that I had had a normal childhood.

I do remember my husband saying way back when I told him that it explained a lot about me.

Mastodon:

It is kind of like a war story. That's why we all like talking to each other. We all understand because "we were there".

Reluctant to tell others of JW past?

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