Hello to All,
Hello! Thought I would properly introduce myself, being that I have posted here about 6 or 7 times since March of 2008. I do not want to create any sense of insecurity among the Guests.
My name is Truth and Justice. I have been reading this website since March of 2008 with great interest. Many times I have wanted to write and kept putting it off, because I just did not know how to put my thoughts on paper, especially when millions of people will read what I have written. I have enjoyed reading many interesting stories on this site, some have been very enlightening. And then ther are those stories which I feel a tremendous amount of empathy and sorrow for those who have suffered a great deal emotionally and mentally. I am in that class, and it had been a struggle for me. I would like to put my story this way:
I was born into the JW religion in the early 60's. I considered myself to be a spiritual person, and then between 1974-1984, I felt that I was just going in motion just to fulfill the obligations, with no enthusiasm or motives involved. But then, it was said that Jehovah's holy spirit resides among the witnesses and its flowing. There were many straws that broke the camel's back with me, that told me to make that difficult decision. This is the one: My sister was disfellowshiped for "conduct um-becoming a christain," as they like to put it. It was drinking. She had lived a distance of about an hour and a half. When I had found out about it 3 weeks later, I a (Ministerial Servant) decided that I would go visit her without telling anyone. She and I talked a while and read some encouraging scriptures, and then I prayed with her which she also wanted, a good visit in my opinion. A week later, PO talks to me after the meeting is over to ask about the situation regarding my visiting with my sister. I wonder to this day how he found out, but he did. I said my reason for visiting her is she is my sister, she's family! I said that I was encouraging her and praying with her. He began to say "Are you aware that, that is the responsibility of the elders and that you are putting your position as MS at risk and setting a bad example in the congregation? I said "Yes, it may be job of an elder, but she is family to me. As far as me setting a bad example, I don't agree on that. Since when do I have to be an elder to help my sister." My last question to him was-"Can you show me from the scriptures where I went wong, because she was repentant in my view? "I don't want an answer from a publication." He mentioned there would be another meeting which was with the CO.
A week later, I was removed as servant, especially when I took the matter in prayer and felt it was acceptable in my mind to do what I thought was right. For about 2 weeks, going to the meetings was hard, because everyone is saying to each other, What did he do? What sin was he involved in? What's he guilty of? To sit in my seat and hear my name mentioned in front of all in the congregation just sickened me. No more, you can not serve 2 masters.
One week later, I (Literature servant) gave my duties to my assistant, and then walked over to the PO and told him that " I was taking a leave of absence permanently." Surprisingly, he did not talk me out of it very hard. So I have been out all these years. I and my parents have considered ourselves the lost and scattered Sheep as the scriptures call it. The society will not share this scripture with you in Jer. 23:32, so may I, it says "Here I am against the prophets of false dreams," is the utterance of Jehovah, "who relate them and cause my people to wander about because of their falsehoods and because of their boasting. "But I myself did not send them or command them. So they will by no means benefit this people," is the utterance of Jehovah. Everything the society said was like a rubber stamp, the bottom of the stamp said- "Jehovah Approved", so we got to do what they say.
The people have certainly "wandered" about as you can see from what has happened in just the last 5 years. Yes, their boasting, well thats a subject for another day. When I left the religion, I decided to read Ray Franz's book "Crisis of Conscience", when it first came out, what an inspiring book. Especially when you read about some of the decisions that the Governing Body made and how they came to their conclusions, you'll probably be shocked. I read a few more of his books which were quite eye opening as well, and would encourage others to read.
As time goes on, I have had to deal with many emotional thoughts because of the fact that I miss the other half of my family. I miss them dearly. I love them. There have been days in the last 23-25 years where I have cried emotionally, and I'm a grown man. I have prayed for them every day since I been out that they will be free. I feel they think their doing what is best, but they are mixed-up and confused. They are probably afraid because of the circunstances that will confront them if they get out. They all have families. The only thing that has helped me to endure this and other things is my personal reading of the bible without constraints and help of WTS publications to analyze it for me. Second, is Prayer, those 2 things have been my help and always will be.
In conclusion, I have gained happiness and a peace of mind, by being free, free to think, using my conscience without all the restrictive orders from a body of just men. As it is said, in Eze. 34:27-"And they will have to know that I am Jehovah when I break the bars of their yoke and I have delivered them out of the hand of those who had been using them as slaves."
To all of you, it has been a pleasure writing this! I look to the day when we will all be together in True Love and Unity and not have to hide behind our computer User names on this Forum.
Take care!! Truth and Justice