An old dub 'friend' writes to ask 'What Happened?'

by willyloman 27 Replies latest jw experiences

  • willyloman
    willyloman

    I got an email from an old friend from my JW days.

    Our families were close for several years before they moved to another state. Afterwards we kept in touch by phone and visited each other’s homes a few times. Before we left dubdom in 2003, we had seen them just once in several years. They communicate with mutual acquaintances in our old congo so I assumed they knew we had made our exit.

    In his email, he said they'd like to reconnect with us and wanted our phone number as the old one was disconnected. He didn’t mention our "status." I wrote back and made no mention of our phone number, just a general greeting and update on family members, and then added "I’m sure you know we no longer attend meetings" at the end.

    A week went by and he responded by filling me in on the lives of his family, closing with: "No, I did not know you weren’t going to meetings anymore. What happened?"

    My philosophy since I left is to grant no interviews. That hasn’t been difficult since almost no one has ever asked why we left.

    Should I make an exception? What should I tell him? I think I know the answer but would appreciate some feedback.

    p.s. As far as I knew he is still an elder, a lifer, second-generation dub, and "all in."

  • purplesofa
    purplesofa

    He is curious, I would make the exception.

    purps

  • Finally-Free
    Finally-Free

    Maybe I'm off base but I'm always suspicious when someone wants to reconnect after a long time. Could this be a set up?

    W

  • StAnn
    StAnn

    Sadly, I too am suspicious because of the recent WT (just this past Sunday?) telling people to check in on inactive ones. It's quite a coincidence, don't you think?

    But, if it were me, I'd pretend I had no suspicions and just give him the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. For all you know, he may be having doubts and really, truly wants to know why you left.

    StAnn

  • Dismembered
    Dismembered

    Greetings Willy,

    "My philosophy since I left is to grant no interviews. That hasn’t been difficult since almost no one has ever asked why we left."

    That situation mimmics mine to a tee. Nobody I know has had the balls to ask what happened. It's just more of the same. Cognitive Dissonance

    Dismembered

  • MissingLink
    MissingLink

    A personal visit or phone call is less likely to go bad. Say you don't want to make him change his faith, but you have your own issues. If he presses for details, then that's up to you.

  • passwordprotected
    passwordprotected

    Probably not a good idea to put anything in writing. But if he's asking, why not have a phone chat? It could be he's got some issues he's trying to work through.

  • Tuesday
    Tuesday

    A short quick explination of why you left, "didn't feel it anymore", "Wasn't convinced it was truth" would do fine for now I would say. If he wants to know further I guess I would ask him if it was between the two of you or if he would be telling other folks everything.

  • BabaYaga
    BabaYaga

    This does not bode well. It would be far too easy to say enough to disolve your fade.

    I would just say, "I saw far too many things happening in the congregations that I knew was not making Jehovah happy" and leave it at that.

  • Purza
    Purza

    I agree with PP to not put anything in writing as it could be used against you. Tread lightly.

    Purza

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