Is forgiveness important to you?

by asilentone 19 Replies latest jw experiences

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  BizzyBee

  Sometimes "forgiveness" seems like the obvious remedy, but it is not necessarily the appropriate response. I don't buy the recent panacea of "forgiveness."

  NEWS FLASH: There are people in this world who are mean, toxic, hateful and harmful. We need, first and foremost, to protect ourselves from them. Only from an entrenched postion of safety should we even begin to think about "forgiveness," if there seems to be a good reason, one that would benefit us - that is US, the offended. Otherwise, forgiving ourselves might well include protecting ourselves from further hurt at the hands of those who do not put any value whatsoever on our well-being.
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  OUTLAW

  Lady Lee.."Too often we hear that we need to forgive the people who hurt us. Bull. If they don't admit what they did and how it hurt us AND stop hurting us we owe them nothing."...........Girl,those are words of wisdom that should be Carved in Stone!!..So Future Generations can benifit from them!!.......................................

  ...OUTLAW
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  Snoozy

  

  I can understand Mouthy..

  Snoozy..who knows what it was like for women years ago and probably for some right now...
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  Lady Lee

  Grace

  Before I worked in a women's shelter I thought the same as you. But they aren't as bad as you think. Yes you might be crammed into 1 room with the 4 kids. But the counseling the spouse AND the children get is 24 hours a day and very good. Even the support each woman gives to the others in the shelter is great. And the kids seem to adjust far better than you would think.

  The goal for the shelter is to help the mother (so far I don't think there are any shelters where men can escape to with the kids) find employment, gets social services needed and a source of income - most likely social assistance is needed at least until the family gets settled somewhere. But they will also help the mother get a lawyer. job training if needed, a place to live and clothing and furniture if they can't get back to their place to get their own things.

  Grace my mom was on welfare with 4 kids. It wasn't fabulous and we made do without many things but we did have food on the table and a roof over our heads. And we didn't have to deal with my father. Believe me my father was worse than my mother, grandmother and Fern put together

  Now if my mother hadn't been an abusive parent things would have been pretty good. Far better than living with both MY father and her together.

  And Grace, I have to agree, back when you needed it, there were no shelters for you to go to. And I suspect the presiding overseer would have recommmended that you stay with the hope of "winning him over" What a crock that is eh?
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  Witness 007

  I keep everything wrapped up in a little ball in my chest...it eats at me everyday! Forgiveness is better.
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  mouthy

  And I suspect the presiding overseer would have recommmended that you stay with the hope of "winning him over" What a crock that is eh?

  Yes they told me I was blessed,that I was able to attend the meeting & to go door to door & spread the word, I had Brothers? who were in Jail, they were not FREE to do as I could.

  Hey & I belived them, So with my black eye I dutifully did as the "Loving Elders told me"

  I try to forgive,but sometimes it takes me a little longer to forget the hurt. I have learned that "HURT people HURT People "
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  carla

  In general I believe forgiveness is for our own well being not for that of the perpertrator of some abuse or injustice done to us. To forgive allows us to move on. I see no reason to combine forgiveness and forgetfullness, to forgive does not mean we must forget. Nor does it mean we must allow that person back into our lives anymore. In the case of an abused wife for example it could be deadly to mix the two. Without forgivness we tend to nurse our anger and hurt and cannot move beyond the incident. On the other hand, I believe some things are so heinous they cannot be forgiven and for the victim they must find their own resolve to continue on in life with such a heavy burden (abuses, murder, torture, etc..)For some they may not be able to forgive a particulary heinous act but by doing something tangible (telling their story, educating public, volunteer time to others in a similar situation,etc) they find a way to go on. (thinking of John Walsh here, how could one forgive the brutal murder and decapitation of their child?)
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  Robdar

  It's my opinion that if we do not forgive, the other person's "sin" continues to live inside us where we will feed it and nourish it and make it our own.
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  ferret

  I have to agree with Carla on this one. It is for our own good.
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  Superleggera

  Yes, it's necessary to forgive a person who has hurt us, by doing that we can move on in our lives. Instead of lingering on the act.