HOW DO YOU MEND A BROKEN CHILD'S HEART?

by termite 35 14 Replies latest social family

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  termite 35

  please, anyone broken their children's heart over the wtbts? i've been away from meetings for quite a wwhile now and have finally had to face the fact that i am responsible for my childrens 'lost' looks lately. i've tried to sow a few little gentle doubts to ease them into the thought that were not going to meetings as 'the org may have got some things muddled up'.But its so strange to find yourself in this position; the worst is seeing their little faces as you struggle to find the right words that won't upset them. but to be honest i feel like a shunning dub in reverse. they love their little friends. i,ve got to do this right. they could end up crushed. i,m trying to go slowly but the questions are coming so fast,this is the crappiest thing i have ever done; any psycologists out their? we only ever went to meetings when they wanted to; and always left when they had enough; so no bad memories for them as i have...i'm off to cornwall on holiday soon,lots of walking and time for them, it should be a beautiful time and maybe a good opp. to ease the pain.help????
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  Satanus

  Replace their old friends w new ones. Is it best for them to not see their jw friends at all? New activities to replace meetings? Just thoughts
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  termite 35

  THANK YOU FOR TRYING TO HELP. WE DO LOADS AND THEY (i'm in caps again ar,nt i?!) have always had many non jw friends etc .its got to the stage now where they don,t see jw friends as i,m not considered a good bet with all my doubts... never see them unless i make an effort to go and call; bad atmosphere etc. its a hard thing to explain is,nt it to kids_; the ins and outs of being on the good assoc. list!it,s mainly having to cope with de programming all the crap i taught them
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  think41self

  Termite,

  How MUCH you tell them depends on their age. Younger children do not need long, drawn out explanations. They actually only listen to the first few sentences anyway. But in my experience, honesty is always the best policy. My boys are 15 and 16 now, they were 12 and 13 when we left the borg, and they left ALL their family behind in it. So of course I did not tell them JW's were evil people...we did not "categorize" people that way. I simply told them truthfully the problems I had with their teachings and practices...that I knew it would take them awhile to sort out THEIR feelings on it, since they had been raised in it...that it was FINE with me if they decided they still wanted to be JW's but that I wanted them to be old enough to actually make that decision...and that I would love them no matter what!

  It seemed to work for us. As the months went by, we would discuss other issues as they came up...how they felt about family members, more in depth discussions of biblical teachings and witness interpretations thereof. We didn't really have to deal with their JW friends as an issue...they shunned my children as they had been taught. I encouraged my kids to get involved in things at school, sports...everything! It was great! I was now spending my Tuesday and Thursday evenings at the ball park with my one son pitching in a little league game. Saturday mornings were now spent at the soccer field watching my other son run around with great enthusiasm. They are now doing very well...seem well adjusted...haven't descended into a world of sex, drugs and rock-n-roll(yet ) and ALL without the benefit of the Watchtower telling them to repress all feelings.

  think41self

  Holy Flying Screaming Buddha, Batman!
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  mommy

  Hey termite
  Enjoy your vacation! May I suggest for you to go to Randy's site, his link to freeminds is at the bottom of the page. There are many articles dealing with the family, and talking to your children about leaving the cult.

  My neices are 4 and 5 and are being brainwashed by their grandma, their parents does not attend meetings, and I have heard them telling them that jehovah will kill them since they are bad. It honestly turned my stomach to hear such little children worried about the death of their own parents. I am so glad I left before mine were born, I feel for any of you who had to deal with deprogramming.

  Please, do not feel guilty about that time of your life though. You thought you were doing what was right. I think it is important for adults to admit mistakes to their children as well. To often parents will not simply say, "I am sorry, I was wrong." Perhaps that is the biggest thing your children need now.
  wendy

  When I leave, you will know I have been here
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  termite 35

  thank you all so much; it's so lovely to hear you've come out the other side. I think theyre such loving kids they would never dream of shunning anyone and can't understand others who do .so sad. But perhaps a blessing in disguise.the questions just jump up and bite you sometimes...and i hav'nt prepared for them blah,blah...i,ll go to randy,s site now. thankyou, you being here when i reach desperation point is worth more to me than you can imagine.love to you allxxx
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  think41self

  You are most welcome Termite

  We are just returning the kindness and support that was extended to us when we were in the same situation as you.

  Take care and keep us posted on how you and the children are doing. And

  MERRY

  CHRISTMAS

  think41self

  Holy Flying Screaming Buddha, Batman!
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  anglise

  Hi termite

  sorry to read of what you are going through with your children.
  As others have said a lot depends on their ages.
  If they are at school there is always lots that you can let tham join in with especially as I assume that you are no longer hamstrung with JW controls.
  If younger than school what about playgroup etc.
  Older teens are a lot harder and maybe others have got ideas.

  Would you consider letting them get involved in St John ambulance cadets or other similar organizations. Maybe you also could do something along those lines.

  Mine were 19, 21 and 22 when we started our slow drift and it isnt easy for them to find their feet socially and start again.

  Just a few thoughts.
  Please email if you would like to.

  Hope you enjoy your hols.

  Anglise
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  termite 35

  thanks!!thats what it's all about is'nt it?spreading all your knowledge and experience and love and from one person to the next! have a good day.
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  termite 35

  anglise; thanks to you too for taking time and trouble to reply...as i said,being associated has never stopped me from letting them do exactly what they've wanted. it's the way they seem lost that kills me.e.g.the big issues they must think about when they lie in bed; life,death, the universe and everything. i need time to work all this out on my own; but it must be so much harder when your young. they've lost close family members lately and to be honest i have no consoling 'you'll see them again' message any more... breaks my heart too.But i'm sure as the months pass it'll feel different xxxlove to yours too