One of my first posts at JWD nearly 5 years ago. I find it interesting that it generated zero responses then. I wonder what will happen when I repost it. I dedicate it to all, especially JamesThomas, wherever you are.
As I read your posts and the stories of how you have been deceived by the JWs and its GB my heart goes out to all of you. I cannot presume to know the level of distress and pain each of you has experienced through this organization not having been a dub myself, but I have experienced my share of pain within the context of my unique journey, as all people have. And I wish to tell you that there is a way out of the pain. Many of you I am sure have found it, and many continue to live the pain on a daily basis. I have great admiration for all of you who have taken such a courageous step as you have in breaking away from WT, and for many that is enough to feel an inner freedom and a dropping away of pain. For others, however, the pain continues and bitterness grows as you reflect upon your personal experiences vis-à-vis the WT, and how opportunities for understanding, growth, and personal exploration have been systematically thwarted. If there is an understanding of one's basic nature the possibility of radically dealing with pain of all sorts becomes a reality to the point of having a completely different perspective of the world and all that is in it. Therefore, what I suggest to all of you is to ponder the question, "Who am I?" In other words, explore the most fundamental question there is, who is this seeming entity to which all events in your life have happened?
Everyone seems to be the center of a drama, a magnet for experience of an almost infinite variety, but hardly anyone bothers to question the existence of this entity that it is happening to. If you reflect deeply and honestly you will come to some startling conclusions. As I look out of my own eyes I see the world as I have always seen it and there is a subtle sense that "I" have never changed. "I" have always been "I". Yet, when I look in the mirror I see obvious change. I conclude, therefore, that I am not my body. Thoughts run through my head, continuously generated by something called "mind", and yet I still sense something non-changing that watches all of those thoughts as they arrive and quickly fade. And when I ask myself which is more real, the thoughts which constantly are changing or this quiet still awareness that watches the thoughts and never seems to change, I intuitively know that "I" am that quiet still awareness, for how can I be something that continuously changes? Therefore, I conclude I am not the mind.
Emotions come seemingly come out of nowhere and go again to who knows where, and these emotions sometimes trigger memories, which stir up storylines about the past or thoughts of the future. And when this happens we tell ourselves we are angry/sad/happy/or whatever the case may be. In other words, we identity with whatever has arisen as being "us". I am mad, for example. But ask yourself, is the real you just a collection of things you have identified with, or does the real you underlie all that arises within the mind/body mechanism. So, I know that there are emotions that flow through "me", but I am not any of those emotions. What is it that lets you know the emotion is there? Which is more real, the emotion or that which lets you know it's there?
If you have been patient with me and read this far I congratulate you. But I know these ideas are not suitable to some people and that is just fine. But for those whose interest is piqued there is a wondrous journey ahead of you if you follow through in your investigation of who you really are. Nobody can do it for you. It is not a matter of accepting them as true and going merrily on your way. A commitment to honestly explore is all that's necessary. So, the upshot of my little dissertation is this: if one seeks what one truly is and uncovers one's true self then one's previous identities drop away along with the attendant pain and distress generated by those identities. And when you have found your real self you will discover that nothing really changes in the world but one's relationship with everything does. And in that there is peace.
Peace to all.