Babies daddy found me.

Sparkplug

Last night I had a great evening. I went over to my daughters fathers...wife's parents. They were the neatest people. I totally loved his wife and my daughters brother and sister from him are dead ringers for her.

Strange how after all this time he has decided to come around and work things through. He is very sincere and after all that I have done and strange circumstances, I don't like that he never showed up. But I do understand making some terrible decisions.

My daughter is confused, uninterested, feeling torn and I am sure this is bloody hell for her. How do you help a teen let go of anger and hurt and try to make the best of what is in front of her? It has taken me close to these 38 years to reach such peace regarding situations. So I am taking it slow. Her pace. I have to nudge her a bit which makes me a real creep because of her not wanting to address it. I hope this passes and soon they will find something for themselves. Then I can step back and not be a buffer board.

Strange as it was being in the situation, I did truly enjoy myself. It was good to see people that can get along after such a craptastophy. Now all I need is more time so that she can heal and see what it is like to have a larger support board. Hopefully it takes hold in the next 6 months. But it could take years.

Even more cool was he apologized to my son for how the mess and his not being there has affected his life, and myself also. This usually never comes as far as I am told. HE even has started helping out financially. Which I really truly appreciate and never expected. How do you make up for close to 18 years.

I did tell him not to put a number to it all. If he did and I did I might just end up angry. I told him that he knows how much it takes to raise a kid. If he has 50,000 or more laying around...please write a check. If not, do what is right and we will leave it at that. It is kind of hard to make up that much lost time and money. For me it more about the relationship. And that all lies in how far my daughter wants to take it. I hope it works. She could enjoy a much more enriched life.

Anyhow, I think it is a great thing to work on a bit.

Any of you go through this?

Sparkplug

Nobody had an estranged parent show up and want to know their child?

Satanus

Well,, i and my dad were basically estranged for most of my life. We more or less worked things out a few yrs ago. It wasn't easy for either of us. Worth it though, since he died shortly after that.

S

hillbilly

Dont push her. She will deal with this at her own pace... and I am sure she will have an earfull for him when she gets round to it.

If he owes money for a support order... make him pay up. It's yours... and if he never paid "keep the tip" I am paying for a sperm donors kid.... I dont ask for much but would like to see the guy at least set up a college account or something.

Hill

snowbird

Hi, Sparky.

After a no-show and no-support stint, my oldest's daddy showed up when she was around 12 and took her to the movies and to get hamburgers.

When he brought her back, he thought I was going to greet him with open arms. I had to run him off. After that, he dropped out of her life completely. Good riddance! He is a sorry bastard.

I hope your daughter and her daddy will come to terms with each other. It can be done.

Sylvia

cameo-d

Something similar. But reunions can be short lived when old issues get brought up. Some things can't be resolved.

There's no such thing as a clean slate or fresh start. Some people hold deep grudges no matter what. And maybe there is truth to the old saying that a leopard cannot change his spots.

Not to burst your bubble. I am just telling you my truth. Maybe things will be different for you.

Sparkplug

Hillbilly. That is just it. A court order never came back. They established paternity and then could not find him. So basically if it was say 100 a month. It is already outlandish. Two takes it up there and 3 a month would be a lot to repay. HE really is stepping up to the plate and sending steady checks. It may not last, but truly it seems that he got my point.

Satanus. I hear that from some that it was worth it. I still would like to know my dad though I never have found him. Just to know. To see what is there. Do I have brothers and sisters. Will they ever be a part of my life? These things I would like for her to not have to question. Actually just by meeting them...she already has a lot of those answered. It is now up to her the depth she desires.

Cameo~ I am not expecting a miracle. Though I truly think that they can make this a good thing. I am pretty sure it will wind up good. Even if not a blossoming relationship. It seems to be ok so far despite the strain.

Hillbilly. Yep it is at her pace. She talked a bit today and right now she just feels awkward. She sees what they have. Mom, dad, vacations, a Home to go to at Christmas and relatives...she is just not sure where she fits. We have all that, in our own way, it was just so picture perfect looking...she was overwhelmed. What I saw was her lil bro and sis just wanting a big sis. I think she sees that now.

Snowbird~ I wanted to do that a long time ago. I realized though that each one has burned their own bridge...or it is up to them to build it again. I guess if he was my son's dad he would have some dancing to do for my son...he wants nothing to do with any of his relatives or his dad. Bridge is burned. I have never closed the door for them. I let dad do it themselves. Who really has the right to take away blood? If her dad seemed harmful I would, but right now it just seems like someone trying to make up for a life unlived and we all have that in different areas. So I give it a chance. Now...

lola28

Sparky, the thing is that the damage has already been done, I don’t know what your situation was like growing up but take it from me, having a father that’s not there is really hurtful, I hate this notion of “baby daddy” kids deserve so much more than that, they deserve a father. When you don’t have that it changes you and sometimes you don’t realize how much it has until you are older. See deep down you always wonder what it was about you that was so bad that your own father didn’t want to be around you, I’ve seen girls deal with this in two ways, either they do very self destructive things and always chose the wrong men, or they are just straight arrows, I’m more of a straight arrow, I don’t think I’m a bad person and people seem to like me but sometimes, especially on days like father day I really just break down. Don’t expect your daughter to warm up to her sperm donor, she doesn’t owe him anything, it’s his job to make it right and he might never be able to fix the damage 100%.

no more kool aid

Sparkplug, I have not seen my father since I was a young teen. He was df'ed and it was the expectation that I never speak with him again. I was a loyal little JW. Now I don't feel so loyal and time is running out that was 30 yrs ago. I don't know where to start and don't know where he is. So much for shunning making people want to come back.

avishai

If you know a GOOD counselor who specializes in this kind of thing, it may be good to have them communicate in a neutral environment, as well as solo w/ the counselor. nothing brings up issues like family, no matter how hard one tries or how well intentioned. Could make the transition much smoother if they both have the tools in place to deal with it.

Babies daddy found me.

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