My EX still has a hold on our son....

by nomoreguilt 6 Replies latest jw experiences

  • nomoreguilt

    A couple of weeks ago I had the opportunity to enjoy breakfast with my younger son, 30. He hasn't been to meetings in over 2 years and I was able to help him move in with his girlfriend,22, not a jw a month or so earlier. He'hasn't been df'd, as of yet for that , although I know that there are probaby those who have the opportunity to do him in. I really don't know yet whether he is happy in his new lfe, but I do know that he still holds the desire to some day go back.

    As of yet, I haven't taken the time to tell him the truth about the jw's but it is a chance that may push him over the edge either for the wtbts or against me. As I have related before that since his mother's and mine divorce I have been trying very hard to once again have a sincere and open relationship with him. It has been touchy, seeing as how my ex has done her best in the past to fill his ears with who knows what about our past life. I do know that he does see me in a differant light these days. Positive light.

    Anyways, at that breakfast he told me that my Ex and my older son's wife were going to be having dinner together that evening with his GIRLFRIEND! I shuddered to think what that would produce. He told me that they were just going to tell her how his relationship with her was hindering his mother from talking to him and having a relationship with him. More jw crap. CONDIONAL LOVE at its' best.

    Last evening my wife and I went to dinner with my son and his girlfriend.I have to tell you that she has her head scewed on right for her age. While my son went to the bathroom my wife asked her how the dinner with my Ex went. Well, you guessed right. The usual jw speak. She didn't have much time to say anything, but she did say that it made her mad and would NOT waste 4 years in a relationship with him if down the road he decided to go back to that crap. Smart cookie this lttle girl.

    My wife told her to feel free to call her and chat if she needed. Now, I don't mind that one bit. My wife is a forthright gal and says it how it is. Myself, I have to walk on eggshells and try not to interfere, or answer me this.......Should I ?????

    My son has always been mama's boy. He isn't very strong when it comes to his mother as she always lays on the guilt trip to him. You all know the jargon here. Cult speak, being destroyed, yada yada.

    What, if anything should I say or do?????


  • BabaYaga

    Wow! Well your wife sounds awesome and I hope she and your son's gal can get some excellent communication in.

    In the meantime, I think you are doing well not to drop any bombs in your son's direction... patience does seem to work better than passion, in these instances. Have you read the Steve Hassan books? I highly recommend his "Combatting Cult Mind Control". It will help you to begin the process of encouraging your son to think past the cult-speak... without making him panic and run back to the fundie familiar.

    Best of luck... it sounds like things are actually going very well.


  • cognac

    I think this girl will say something. However, if to many people go at him at once it might put his defenses up. I'd just continue with the relationship and get a feel for how things are going a little bit more in a few months.

  • dogon

    Sounds like your son has a keeper. She realizes the danger of the cult. I would give her all the low down on the cult now. It is to easy for these masters of mind control to slowly creep. Forewarned is forearmed. I would give her sites like this, and Randy Waters and other sites. I would teach her all the back ground of this cult and the dangers of starting to let them into your life. You can never know to much about the dangers of this cult. If I had a penny for every time some wife just wanted to go with the nice people to see what a Kingdom Hall was like, and the next thing you know she did not want to celebrate birthdays, Christmas or have anything to do with nonbelievers.


  • Bonnie_Clyde

    Your son's girlfriend is very smart for looking ahead. Looks like the only thing you can do is sit back and wait. I hope she and your wife will become friends and can give her some insight on how to handle this.


  • sass_my_frass

    Just stay in touch with them both, and ignore the elephant. Just make sure that they're both comfortable talking to you about whatever. He's an adult now, he has to work this out himself.

  • lisavegas420

    Have you used words like "conditional love" and "black mail" to your son or his gf? What about "cult"? Those words really threw me...until I looked up and thought about what they actually meant. Then I was like..."Ooooohhh, now I get it."


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